Tired of this

Tired of this
Y

yesac76

Registrant
I am sick of feeling this way. I felt alright yesterday about remembering another episode of SA. Today I feel like a piece os sh*t again. I haven't felt this low in quite a while. I can't seem to reveal this to my family, nor am I sure I even want to burden them with this any more than I have already.

I feel like a selfish jerk when I talk about how much I hurt. We all have our problems, and I hate to have people think I am more important than they are.

I just want to escape this. I feel like punching something until my hands are bloody stumps! I am not sure if I can take this anymore.
Casey
 
Take deep breaths. Lots of them. Play some musiic too. And drink some water.
 
Listen man, I'm really starting to believe that worst crime that one can commit is sexual abuse. Why do you think you hear stories of child molestors going to prison and other prisoners going after that guy? I've even heard that prisoners will even be tipped off sometimes that a child molestor is being brought in.

So of course you feel like shit and somedays will be worse than others. Mike Lew pointed out something in his book, Victims No Longer. On recovery- "I speak confidently about healing because I've witnessed it. I know it's true. Growth and change are available to you. It isn't quick or easy, but it is real."

Listen, this is how I look at it. If recovery wasn't possible, everyone would be offing themselves. What would be the point of living? Mike Lew wouldn't be selling a book about recovery he'd be selling a book on suicide. What he's saying is that the world is a better place with you in it. Yes, what you're going through is hell. Personally, I'm starting to think that hell can't even compare to this.

Unconsciously, people know that sexual abuse is the worst crime in the world. That's why no one wants to talk about it and that's why you feel like you'll be burdening them with it.

Brother, you're not burdening anyone. The a**hole(s) that did this our the ones that put things upon us. So don't fault yourself. It's alright. Just keep on coming back and posting. Sounds crazy, but I'm probably on this site 5-8 times a day. I feel like you, my brothers, are the only one's who understand what I'm going through.

Take it easy.
Fusion
 
I am with you, brother. Go through the same thing myself. Some days, I feel almost normal while on other days I wonder why I am still alive.

One of the things that keeps me going is that to me, staying alive and being as happy as I can is the best and only revenge. I'm not even shooting for being completely happy - but finding joy in little things - a beautiful sunset, the ocean, or just the smile of a child, gets me through a lot of tough days.

You are not alone.
 
Casey,

I think everyone gets sick and tired of this. I know I do. I want my magic pill that makes it all better. I want to wake up and find it was all a bad dream.

Ain't happenin'.

You're not selfish because you say what happened to you, how you feel about it. You're just honest. To tell someone that something bad happened to you doesn't mean you deny that they have problems to handle. It's not like you're "hogging all the concern and compassion." Please take all you need. We'll make more.

Family is a tough issue. There will be good and not so good consequences of any decision to tell them or not to tell them. You're familiar with what it's like not to tell them. No one can predict how another person will take this kind of news, but you can consider the possibilities. You do know how they have reacted to things in the past. Can you expect them to be supportive? Would they try to minimize or deny the abuse? Are they under any other great stress right now? Is there some reason that you have to choose to disclose right now? If the "not telling" alternative is tolerable and you have concerns about the fallout of disclosing, please remember that you don't have to decide right now. If you disclose, there's no going back. Please don't put any more pressure on yourself.

Whatever and whenever you choose, we'll be here.

Thanks,

Joe
 
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