I think I am drawn into this discussion because I myself struggle to identify who I am in the description and designation of my words and actions.
I was told by my wife last night that I don't realize how much I accomplish. Like providing for a family household of 10 for about 5 years give or take. .. I never point this out to myself but it is easier for me to point at what I need to do or critique my performance or flaws. Because for 6 years I have never taken entitlement to suddenly transforming into a financial provider.
I suppose I am really curious about this little window between worlds;
That women utilize a situation to pin any leverage oven a man for their sense of dominion or superiority or justification ect. Furthermore how passively they are being accepted in their display of power, as the world watch " man " display power.
Ultimately there is belonging and entitlement in this, when the lines are blurred, women also have
masculine qualities and men also have
feminine qualities. This is duality of nature in all people.
More in focus to the discussion. I myself am incredibly pinned uncomfortable by misandry. Even when men act as feminist or detest their masculinity. I get uncomfortably confused in situations where I feel obligated to stick up my myself based on my natural characteristics, but I fail to present relevant and logical statements for an argument. This carries the extra blow and makes me feel " pinned down " that I can't stand up and tell a person they are wrong. I get upset that I give more room to misandrist by enabling their obsessive point of view.
Many times it is unsure to me whether a misandrist is going to feel pity or remorse when looking down upon me. This weighs on my heart. I have witnessed changes in people, men and women. That little window of change. I have seen abusers stop in their tracks and look at themselves.
Due to my childhood I had a tendency to avoid encountering women, later I developed avoidance of men as well. Then later try to heal those distances for my own sake, but I have found myself beneath an abuser and their anger. I have looked down the barrels of guns and the blades of knives, with no resistance or alternative. I am still here, and developed the coping response to not struggle their messed up expressions. Like a lamb in the teeth of a lion, alive but graceful once caught.
This makes me feel both right and wrong with myself. I can not continue to submit under the will of these forceful people because each time I let them see the way they treat me, and they can figure the rest out by themselves. I survived with another scar or imprinted damages to my character. In the end I am just depersonalized, and conflicted.
Everyone is right and no one is sorry. I have forgiven the trespasses/ers but I still live with the consequences of my actions. The faults of my character.
I don't do well with confrontation, and I have a hard time being conflicted. I don't know how to discuss a person's behavior and reach mutual conclusion. I am working on being more
dominant , but to reach a balance with my
submission , hopefully so I can stand tall and unwavering. (In short, I am reclusive, but enduring.)
Grateful to have peer support right now. I find these discussions incredibly valuable to my boyhood. Meaningful to my adolescence. Crucial for my manhood. So I thank you
be well safe travels