TIME to END THIS EXPERIMENT

TIME to END THIS EXPERIMENT
M

Muldoon

Registrant
TIME to END THIS EXPERIMENT


Well after trying Anti Depressant for 3 months I took myself off the MEDS this last week. Don't know if I was really in total need of the MEDS but last May I was in a big downward path and was talked into giving them a try. Things HAD BEEN GOING GOOD FOR ALMOST 6 months just before that even thou I was unemployed for all of that time.

I had been spending time lobbying at the MN capital and had gotten excellent support for our bill to change the statute of limitation on CSA. Things where positive in so many ways. Than in May when the 201 club adjourned the session without passing our bill I began my downward spiral. Should have known that they would not pass the bill the 1st year of a 2-year session. Many of you guys here had told me about not burning myself out helping others. Also that it was important to take care of my own healing. Well I didn't do that at first.

Meds are not for me. The side effects where so great, nightmares and other sleep problems. I did have some benefit from the lack of depression but my sleep disorder just grew greater. It seem that the meds work for 10-15 days and help me with my sleep but then it goes to HELL. I end up getting 1 or 2 hours of sleep a night. YA I know that you have to take the meds for 30 days or more too get the whole good effect of the Meds, which I did. Haven't HAD much SLEEP for 4 days but now I am off that trip called ANTI Depressants. Now I have that thing called emotions back in my life. I can cry again both good & bad. I can feel alive again. I barely came here but once a month. I was running on half power and drained of all feelings. Hope it doesn't take too long to build my energy back up.

Just for your information I got lots of info at the web site called webmd.com.
They had info on sleep disorders and also the fact sheets on the meds I am taking. Hope to be here a lot in the months ahead. I was going to be helping Mary with the silent auction for the conference. I need energy these next few weeks. Later Muldoon/Tom
 
I can relate to your disappointment with so-called anti-depressants. MUCH too often they are pushed as a viable alternative to actual counseling and help with emotional/physhchological issues. I took wellbutrin with little effect(besides reducing my craving for cigarrettes) until I switched to Prozac(which seemed to make me fiend like a crackhead), which I continued to take on and off for about a year until I decided that the inability to sleep, the spontaneous bouts of anger and paranioa and the general feeling of numbness, emptiness, lack of joy, pain, or energy(I call it "Grey") wasn't worth whatever questionable benefit I amy have received from the drugs. I hope you remain vigilant in your decision to live life in reality instead of doped up in emotional limbo. I find that coming to terms with your own issues and realizing your worth as an individual is a lot easier when you can find constructive ways to calm yourself and bring your head out of the gutter. I play music(my guitar), talk with my friends, play a little hackeysack, or just sit down and meditate. Whatever you do to chase away the blues, I think you'll find it's a lot easier to enjoy with a clear head!
 
What works for one person doesn't always work for another like you have found. But be careful to not paint the entire thing in one color. Medications are helpful but working through all the issues is just as equal in my view. I really get upset when I see medical doctors prescribe antidepressants and counseling is not even recomended.

For me, some medications worked great and some caused problems. I had to find the right thing that worked for me. Prozac made me anxious (which is one of the side effets) and gave me headaches. Zoloft had some bad sexual side effects but at the time, it helped me get some of my sexual stuff under control and it helped me from ending my life which I was desperately trying to do at the time. I haven't been on any antidepressants now for a few years and so far I am making it. If I need to go on one, than I will but if I can make it without, that is what I am going to do.

And you are right that whatever medication you take, you need to do your own research because our medical system is terrible when it comes to really understanding these drugs. The more you know about what they do, the more you are in a situation to make informed decisions.

I remember when I was in the hospital after my paralysis/nervous breakdown. The doctor wanted to try an antidepressant and I said no way, let me do it my way. He was like, ok I am up to that. So I went that way until I got out of the hospital and the anxiety attacks started in. After going on the antidepressant, about a month later I told my doctor something weird was going on and I was feeling like I was happy or something. Didn't know what it was. Come to find out, I was beginning to feel emotions like happiness, joy, etc for the first time in my entire life. I had never felt these before. And they were the strangest thing feeling them for the first time in 26 years of my life.

Oh well, enough of my thoughts on this subject. The most important point is that everyone finds what works for them.

Don
 
Hi Tom,

I you went off your meds after talking to you doctor. There may be problems quitting cold turkey. I know when I quit welbutrin like that there were some problems.

B
 
Tom,

You did a lot of great work for all of us in your lobbying efforts. You set an example for how we can work to change the world, making it a better place for survivors by aligning law more closely with justice. If you return to the effort when the legislature is back in session and I can help you in any way, please let me know.

I'm sorry the meds aren't helping you. I don't take any (yet) but I've thought in the last couple weeks about asking for some.

I hope you can get your energy back to good levels. I'm looking forward to seeing you in MN.


Chris,

the inability to sleep, the spontaneous bouts of anger and paranioa and the general feeling of numbness, emptiness, lack of joy, pain, or energy(I call it "Grey") wasn't worth whatever questionable benefit I amy have received from the drugs.
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Wow, think of the money I'm saving these days by doing this without having to buy drugs.

Sorry for the sarcasm (not sorry enough to have deleted it before posting, though) but that description sounds a lot like what I would have hoped meds could relieve. What don't I understand? (Just about meds and depression, please; I don't have the bandwidth or attention span to read about all I don't understand.) But those are exactly the kinds of problems I want to escape, and I thought for a while that they were the things meds would relieve.


Thanks,

Joe
 
Tom no matter what you do or where you are you will always be a very important person in my life and you know why. I am still dealing with the Ontario Government but I will not stop pursuing it.

God I wish I could go to the conference but will have to wait till next spring for the retreat in Toronto.
 
Tom,

Just a few words to wish you well with all of that. I have taken some drugs for anxiety and it eventually made me anxious--I don't think that they Rx vallium anymore.
I took another to help curb disturbing fantasies and that gave me a rash.
My BP meds have cured my migraines and have quieted some of my anxiety, so in that state I muddle through.
I would stress the importance of exercise, however, it can make the difference of whether one sleeps at night or not.

Good luck, buddy,

David
 
Tom,

Welcome back! I've read some of your early posts about your lobbying efforts. You do us all a great service in your efforts. I admire you for that.

I can comiserate about the meds. Went through about 8 antidepressants with almost no effect except that one made me feel stoned. Dry mouth and giggling all the time is fun for a day or so but no way to go through life. Finally decided to go without. Hope it works out for you.

Peace,
Aaron
 
Stranger
I decided that the inability to sleep, the spontaneous bouts of anger and paranioa and the general feeling of numbness, emptiness, lack of joy, pain, or energy(I call it "Grey") wasn't worth whatever questionable benefit I amy have received from the drugs.
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This is right where I was, I had no feeling left within. Before I got on the Meds I would be full of feeling both sad and happy. Grey is the perfect word for this lack of feelings, all doped up in emotional limbo.

Don
Didn't know what it was. Come to find out, I was beginning to feel emotions like happiness, joy, etc for the first time in my entire life. I had never felt these before. And they were the strangest thing feeling them for the first time in 26 years of my life.
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Iam so glad that the Meds helped you find that which was missing in your life for so long.It must be a great to feel,love ,joy, sadness and happyness.
 
Brian I did this on my own. My Doctor was on vacation for two weeks and there was no one else that I could talk to about this.

Joe the 2nd year of the legislator start back up in Jan 04,all the same people as this year so the lobbying will be a lot less work.

The MEDS work so much different so do your research before you try them. Go to WEBMD.com and read the fact sheets for the different ANTI D drugs on the market. The 1st one I was given was Trazodone,the fact sheet for it said possible side effects, Vivit Dreams,aka NIGHTMARES. I sure would not have taken them if I had that info before hand.

Mike You also have help others move towards their
healing. Keep up the hard work.


David Good advise.
I would stress the importance of exercise, however, it can make the difference of whether one sleeps at night or not.
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Aaron SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE LOT OF EXPERENCE dealing with the Anti D, sorry they didn,t work for you.
Guys Thanks for all the words they have helped. Muldoon
 
One thing that is very important that has been said a few times is researching what drugs you are taking. Don't settle on the fact that the doctor knows all. I ran into that with a antibiotic which made me sicker than I was at the time. Still would like to get my hands around the neck of that doctor!

Don
 
Muldoon, I am sorry you have difficulty of this. I have started medicines, has been almost a month now, I think. I have the dose increased some since I first start them, but now, I think they help much better. I have less panic and fear, and that is good, as when I panic, I would go into flashbacks and hear and feel things not there, and do harm at myself. I relate on the sleep. It is only normal, of me, to sleep 3-4 hours a night anyway. But since i begin to deal of all this, one or two hours is normal. My doctor does give me a sleep medicine, the first one we try, it does not work. She gave me another kind, and I try it once so far, and sleep almost 4 hours. But I think sleep is scary for me, and I resist of it, that maybe I make the medicines not work so well.

Thank you for the link to information, I have found things there also. I hope that you do better without the medicines, and stay safe. I wish you well.

Leosha
 
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