Thoughts on what to do?
I'm the wife of a survivor. He has only told me a few things in the 6 years we have been together. That he was abused, that he can't remember his childhood and that he wants to leave this area because this is where it happened. My mother is a survivor and she had some scary behaviors when I was growing up. She would disassociate, sometimes having different personalities, she would pursue multiple relationships with strangers and leave us randomly.
My husband has no behaviors and to be honest that scares me. He is a loving and giving husband. He is an excellent father that balances love and discipline beautifully. We have never fought or argued. All of this scares me. I often feel like he is faking all of this while his insides are just crumbling turmoil. And I am scared that one day he's going to lose his ability to "fake it" and fall completely apart. That if I don't help him he's going to turn into my mother somehow.
Yesterday I asked him to work on something in relation to our children. He acted defeated like he had failed me, it wasn't even a big deal and I try to handle things so gently knowing how delicate his ego can be. And then last night he said that he has been feeling off for a few months since someone yelled at him at work. That he hasn't feel as much of a man. Just admitting that makes him feel so defeated and worthless. I know from what I've read why that is and I try to be there for him.
I guess my question is do I encourage him to get help? Is he really holding it all together- is it not an act? Will getting help make him fall apart? I'm not sure what is best for him. I don't want him to pretend like everything is ok if it's not. But if he doesn't let me in then should I just be supportive and leave him alone? Thank you for this page, it helps me tremendously in understanding and supporting him.
My husband has no behaviors and to be honest that scares me. He is a loving and giving husband. He is an excellent father that balances love and discipline beautifully. We have never fought or argued. All of this scares me. I often feel like he is faking all of this while his insides are just crumbling turmoil. And I am scared that one day he's going to lose his ability to "fake it" and fall completely apart. That if I don't help him he's going to turn into my mother somehow.
Yesterday I asked him to work on something in relation to our children. He acted defeated like he had failed me, it wasn't even a big deal and I try to handle things so gently knowing how delicate his ego can be. And then last night he said that he has been feeling off for a few months since someone yelled at him at work. That he hasn't feel as much of a man. Just admitting that makes him feel so defeated and worthless. I know from what I've read why that is and I try to be there for him.
I guess my question is do I encourage him to get help? Is he really holding it all together- is it not an act? Will getting help make him fall apart? I'm not sure what is best for him. I don't want him to pretend like everything is ok if it's not. But if he doesn't let me in then should I just be supportive and leave him alone? Thank you for this page, it helps me tremendously in understanding and supporting him.