This will sound unremarkably usual, but...

[roadrunner]

Borderline,

It pains me that I fit into the mold so well. Humans are trained to think they're different, special even. It's like being told you're not exempt. I wish I was.

If you fit into the mold so well that doesn't mean you aren't special as a person. I am very sure that you are, as we all are in our own ways. We all have our little quirks and habits that make us uniquely frustrating, uniquely lovable, and so on.

If you fit into the mold in how you have responded to abuse that just means you are predictable and easier to help - that's all. You display the same defensive reactions that thousands of other abused boys developed in order to cope and protect themselves. As in so many other ways, you are not alone.

Much love,
Larry

 

[WalkingSouth]

Borderline,

You said,

Humans are trained to think they're different, special even. It's like being told you're not exempt.

But borderline, you are special. You are a unique individual. The fact that you are hurting over these things brings tears to my eyes because I know what you are feeling. I can empathize with you because I've been there.

The fact that all human children react in certain specific ways in order to protect themselves from the pain just makes it eaiser to figure things out and offer help when the Sh** hits the fan years later.

It also helps the one who has been hurt as a child know that they are not alone, when they can share their pain and find others who understand.

That is one of the things that makes this place so great. I suppose it wouldn't work to well here if we all had nothing in common. No one would be of help to anyone else.

Rest easy, my friend. You are not alone. Take comfort in that.

Courage Friend,

John

 

[borderline]

I've been mulling over what you guys have said to me over the past few days, and I'm still not quite sure what to do next, but until I figure it out, let me just say, thank goodness for you guys. Even in this short time, you've been such a huge help to me. I'm still open to any advice, because you guys seem collected and calm and able to think rationally, where as I untangle into a quivering heap of human jello whenever I think about it. I want to be where so many of you are one day.

 

[noloveinfear]

Hope things are going well. You story is very similar to mine. It is hard to find others who have been abused by their sisters. I think partially because of the double standards prevalent in our society about such abuse and partially because many of us don't speak up. I know I didn't for a long time. I had just turned seven years old when my thirteen year old sister sexually abused. I am not sure exactly how long or how many times, but it was fairly constant over the coarse of several months. My sister told my parents eventually, but on the advice of some therapist they decided to completely shove it all and everyone was silent for 15 years. I knew and remembered much of it all along in vivid detail, and it went as far as penetration. I finally did the hardest thing I ever had to do and broke the silence earlier this year. Things have gotten a lot better since and I am dealing pretty well with my depression. I hope that things go well for you in dealing with this, and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this. And by the way you said you are becoming a therapist I think that is reall great. I am studying to be a psychology although I am not planning to go clinical. I am very interested in doing research on emotional and traumatic memories that can hopefully be applied to help people. Hope to hear back

Andrew

 

[WalkingSouth]

Hi borderline,

You said

I'm still open to any advice, because you guys seem collected and calm and able to think rationally, where as I untangle into a quivering heap of human jello whenever I think about it. I want to be where so many of you are one day.

It's just that you didn't see me this afternoon upstairs on the bed when I did turn into that "quivering heap of human jello". It still happens to me, my friend. Even after 2+ years. It IS getting less frequent tho, and I know so much more about myself now and the things that make me tick. The journey has been so worth it.

Will it ever quit happening to me? I don't know. Not even sure I want it to. I'm afraid that if every single ounce of the pain one day dissappears from my life that I will lose the passion I have for keeping it from happening to the next generation of little boys and girls, that I will no longer have that drive that makes me want to reach out and protect them. Does that make sense?

I wish you courage,

John

 

[borderline]

Originally posted by noloveinfear:
Hope things are going well. You story is very similar to mine. It is hard to find others who have been abused by their sisters. I think partially because of the double standards prevalent in our society about such abuse and partially because many of us don't speak up. I know I didn't for a long time. I had just turned seven years old when my thirteen year old sister sexually abused. I am not sure exactly how long or how many times, but it was fairly constant over the coarse of several months. My sister told my parents eventually, but on the advice of some therapist they decided to completely shove it all and everyone was silent for 15 years. I knew and remembered much of it all along in vivid detail, and it went as far as penetration. I finally did the hardest thing I ever had to do and broke the silence earlier this year. Things have gotten a lot better since and I am dealing pretty well with my depression. I hope that things go well for you in dealing with this, and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this. And by the way you said you are becoming a therapist I think that is reall great. I am studying to be a psychology although I am not planning to go clinical. I am very interested in doing research on emotional and traumatic memories that can hopefully be applied to help people. Hope to hear back

Andrew

Wow, we do have very similar stories, except my abuse went on for years, and my parents never found out about it, which is good, because my father doesn't believe in therapy. He's one of those manly men who thinks therapy is for pussies. I'm happy to hear that more people like in our situation want to help others.

I've been spending a lot of time around my sister in the past week, so I've been forcing myself to not think about it, and so I believe I'm starting to repress the memories again. I actually forgot about this messageboard for a few days, because I think the memory of my... remembering what happened is now tied to the incident itself, and it's all trying to bury itself in the dark recesses of my mind. I don't want it to vanish again, only to appear at bad times or in my dreams, but I also don't want it on my mind. What an awful situation.