This thread is more of a yarn
Harry
Registrant
I was raised Catholic. I liked it. Jesus was my friend. Church was kind of boring and repetitive, but I wanted to be good, so I prayed to God to strengthen my faith. I didn't know what kind of life I would have, but I hoped that when I died I'd go out as a martyr. God loves martyrs, I thought.
Then when I was 13 I became an altar server. I was not abused by anyone in the Church. That's not where this is going. I hated altar serving because no one ever trained me how to do the job. The other servers knew when to go where and what to do; I did not. If there was more than 1 of us on duty, I could copy the other one, but often I was the only one scheduled. I remember having awful anxiety about failing to do something as simple as be an altar server in front of God and his flock. Once when I was dreading serving alone at an upcoming mass, I tried to get out of it by making myself pass out at home. I tied a few strands of yarn around my neck and pulled as tightly as I could. I kept releasing because my body seemed to want to breathe more than I wanted to knock myself out. I cursed my lack of will power and my cowardice. I don't remember mass that evening, but I remember the choking.
Anyway, then I grow up and become smarter and question the difference between indoctrination and brainwashing, and I feel angrily that faith is illogical, and religion is idiotic.
I wasn't sexually abused by clergy, but I know how rampant that is, and I know I was lucky. And it pisses me off how insidiously the Catholic Church handles that sh*t.
So now I'm an atheist of course. The nice community aspect of Church is the only aspect of it that I have any respect for, and just barely. Hopefully this yarn explains my signature a little. Don't pity my soul, Believers, for the little feeling of enlightenment you may feel over my understanding, I already feel over yours -- so we're both happy enough.
-Harry
Then when I was 13 I became an altar server. I was not abused by anyone in the Church. That's not where this is going. I hated altar serving because no one ever trained me how to do the job. The other servers knew when to go where and what to do; I did not. If there was more than 1 of us on duty, I could copy the other one, but often I was the only one scheduled. I remember having awful anxiety about failing to do something as simple as be an altar server in front of God and his flock. Once when I was dreading serving alone at an upcoming mass, I tried to get out of it by making myself pass out at home. I tied a few strands of yarn around my neck and pulled as tightly as I could. I kept releasing because my body seemed to want to breathe more than I wanted to knock myself out. I cursed my lack of will power and my cowardice. I don't remember mass that evening, but I remember the choking.
Anyway, then I grow up and become smarter and question the difference between indoctrination and brainwashing, and I feel angrily that faith is illogical, and religion is idiotic.
I wasn't sexually abused by clergy, but I know how rampant that is, and I know I was lucky. And it pisses me off how insidiously the Catholic Church handles that sh*t.
So now I'm an atheist of course. The nice community aspect of Church is the only aspect of it that I have any respect for, and just barely. Hopefully this yarn explains my signature a little. Don't pity my soul, Believers, for the little feeling of enlightenment you may feel over my understanding, I already feel over yours -- so we're both happy enough.
-Harry