Adam,
Please don't get down on yourself because of this. Recovery isn't about setting up strict standards for yourself and then dumping on yourself if you don't meet those standards. We are all different. We cope in different ways. Our fears and the limits to what we can deal with are also different. And even for the same guy, different challenges will affect him differently.
Okay, you cut. You already know cutting isn't a good idea, but the bottom line is that it does give you some temporary relief. If you had to reach out to that source of relief it doesn't mean you fucked up, it means the challenge was a very serious one.
What I hope you will do is look at this episode and ask yourself how you can change things for the better in the future. Perhaps not all at once. But one step at a time. Set yourself realistic goals and try to keep moving forward, but at a pace YOU feel you can manage.
No one can expect more of you than this, and if you stumble again from time to time, welcome to the world of being human. No one here will blame you. We have all done the same or similar a million times in our own lives.
Much love,
Larry
- Adam