This site

This site
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Barney

Registrant
Someone recommended I check this site out as a place to receive help in coping with past sexual abuse. As I read the the various comments, responses and begin to understand the nature of this place, I am increasingly impressed with what I see.

After many years of counselling, reading about abuse, etc., I still find I have lots to learn, healing to occur and issues to resolve. How nice it is to see the quality of feedback several of the group members are providing as there is a lot of good information being passed around that is beneficial. A great service is being offered which is wonderful. I wish I could have found a place like this 25 years ago.

I often think as I get older that the issues of guilt, sexual identity, wanting to act out, etc. will never end or be resolved. Can one ever get over it? Reclaim oneself, resolve the issues once and for all?

Does anyone know of anyone else who has really totally recovered or is that something that never will occur?
 
Welcome,

your healing is individual as anybody else, and it is up to you, each, and all.

Finding a place like this was all I would have needed as a kid, but I was guided here in the end, so welcome,

ste
 
barney,
this journey we are on, the one of revery and self re-discovery, is one that in some ways, will always be continuing. there are many who have made great inroads into resolving the deeper darkness we have all carried with us, but it is something that remain with us for life because it was a part of what made us the men we are today. but sometimes, the peace does come. welcome home, new bro.
 
i think it depends on what you want to recover to,you know?if recovery means being blind to the bad in the world ,or being so called normal,where money and position take up so much of peoples time that they ignore their kids making them targets for perps,them no i dont want to ever get their ,if taking things for granted is part of being normal then i dont want it,i think we should keep the good traits that our abuse taught us,things like being able to feel emotion ,or nor being able to feel it,for me it will be over when i can say ok thats all behind me i did what i had to do to survive ,and i fought so hard in so many ways that to just let it ruin the rest of my life is not doing justice to the little boy who kept me alive.i owe it to him to find a way
to be happy,this site is a place to do that. do i ever want to be normal? no way
 
Barney,

Welcome to Male Survivor. It's good to have you with us and I hope you benefit from the many sources of support and understanding you will find here. Just take your time and ease your way into things at a pace you feel comfortable with. You aren't alone anymore.

You ask a very important question at the end of your post:

Does anyone know of anyone else who has really totally recovered or is that something that never will occur?
Click to expand...
The short answer is yes, survivors do recover, but the long answer has to do with what recovery is.

We don't get to forget what was done to us, in the same way that a war veteran doesn't get to forget the horrors of combat. But we can recover in the sense of gaining peace. We can reach a point where the old memories no longer have that power that they have now to disrupt our lives and rob us of happiness.

Much love,
Larry
 
Barney,

Welcome Brother. So sorry for what brings you here, but glad you found us.

You've already received a number of good responses in answer to your question. My answer would be for you to think of recovery as a path stretching out into your future. Every day that goes by, we have a choice of continuing the forward momentum, or stopping, taking side trips, or going backward. Choosing the forward path is the only one that brings us closer to our goal. Yes, Recovery is possible, but we don't get to change the past. We have to learn to take the lessons the past taught us and use them to better our future and the future of those around us.

Hop you find good things here and in your journey.

Lots of love,

John
 
I sincerly appreciate all of your responses, I have read them several times and found them to be very helpful. As you know, feeling so alone, misunderstood,damaged, unworthy, are what many of us experience and to have those of you respond to me is very important. So much has been taken from you and to be willing to give of yourselves even now makes it more meaningful.

Thank you all.

I have read a number of comments in the various forums and realize there is so much to learn. I find that to be exciting because of the energy the new learning can bring in my own ongoing recovery. Of course, that is my challange, the need to keep going, keep rebuilding the car as someone mentioned.

It is ironic that the organization is holding a convention in my home state and I can't go because of the need to attend a preliminary workshop. I do however, look forward to the time when I can attend a workshop as I expect to learn more, get better aquainted with others like myself and hopefully, continue my quest to better love and accept myself and maybe give something helpful to another.
 
yes, you can change, and you can fashion a new life that allows you to thrive and be happy. that doesnt mean everything just goes away. i'm somtimes tempted to act out, and there are many parts of it that are still part of me, but they arent very strong now. instead of depressed, confused and struggling, i thrive most of the time, and the bad parts are mostly in the background instead of the other way around.

welcome, and i wish you good healing, and hope you find your way through as some of us have.
 
There is recovery.

There is power that is held over all of us as survivors. It's in the form of silence, acting out, unfulfilled lives, failure to make meaningful achievments, etc.

By talking about what was done to us, and by talking about how it's affected us, we minimize the effects of what was done.

For me, it was a learning process. I needed the input from other guys here that have gotten to know me over the months that I've been coming here. And they have helped me to learn what was done to me, how it's affected me, and what I needed to do in order to deal with it.

I will never be who I was had my perps kept their damned hands off me, but that doesn't mean I can't still be a person of great standing and achievment. I just needed to address my past in order to do that, and this place (and my T) has helped make that possible.
 
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