This site has become a hindrance... time to move on

This site has become a hindrance... time to move on
M

Mystic Rhythm

Registrant
This site was useful to know that I'm not alone with my abuse and pain, but it's become a hindrance now.

Every time I come here for the past few weeks, all I see is weakness, and it just infuriates me. I feel all this does is set me back more and more and undoing the positive work that my therapist and I are doing together. I'm sure there's something relevant between my anger and the weakness I see, but it won't be here that I'll understand it. It'll be in my therapist's office.

I've realized these last few weeks that I have a terrible habit of burning my bridges with people that I care for, and I foolishly believe they care for me. This here is one of those times. Yes this site offers a lot of help and resources, but with the constant need to walk on eggshells and not crack a single one of them, I personally feel I cannot fully express myself here any longer, nor do I feel my posts are safe and secure anymore. (SAR knows what I'm talking about.)

Thanks to those who've been there in the early days when I was here: (Sinking) John, Larry, Trish, Tracy, Grunty (Bruce?), and the mods as well, and others I failed to mention.

Take care...
MR
 
MR,
I am happy that you are doing well with your therapist, that is really encouraging. As you probably know, MS Discussion Board was never meant to be a singular counselling source for its membership. Many of us, me included, have taken time away from MS to recharge, reevaluate and just take time off. Your kind and supportive thoughts and words have encouraged many of the members here. So take care of yourself, and I hope that one day, when you feel able to, you will come and say hello. Peace, Andrew
 
I am sorry that you do not find help here no more, and feel that you need to leave. I hope you will have luck and success with your healing.

I know I have not post here for some time, there is been much changes in my life in last some months. But with respect, I disagree with something you say here. You see every time you come here, all you see is weakness. Yes, I have not been here so much in recent months, but I do not think it change so much. And weakness, it is something I see not often here. What I see here mostly is strength, strength past what children whould have to have. I see continue to live, to learn and to become happier and more whole in life. Weakness is something I have not often seen here. I know some people here more personal than others, and I think they are the strongest people I know.

Andrei
 
MR,

I'm glad to hear that you are making such good progress with your therapist. If you find that MS conflicts with that, then sure, you are making the right choice.

I always thought you had valuable and important things to say, and if at some time in the future you feel you might benefit by returning I hope you will do so. I would be very happy to see you again.

Much love,
Larry
 
When something becomes our need it always disempowers us. That is when we want others to do what we can do for ourselves. There will always be people, who would be saying what the hell he is talking about? Or would disagree, so why bother? I think this site's soul job is to provide a place for expression, whatever that might be, and we all are at various stages of healing so would be rattled once in while, and our responses would be not logical, but then we all know that about ourselves, already.
 
Its like when a post triggers off something in me, I reply. sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I am in bad mood I respond differently, as when I
am feeling darn good I respond as poetry. I have to be vigilant, otherwise I would just start abusing this site, when I start visiting here to give advise. Just because I want to feel wise.
 
MR - There have been numerous times over the past two years that I have needed to take a break from here. Each time, it has been the right thing for me to do, too.

This place is heavy with emotion and tragedy and yes, weakness at times. But it is also heavy with strength and hope, trust and love and some of the most damaged people on earth helping eachother become whole again, or maybe for the first time. It easy to see how we might get caught up in all of that and lose track of ourselves.

Please take my best wishes with you as you go. Please also remember that, of course, you are always welcome back.

I want to say too, when I saw the subject line of this thread and that it was you who posted, I feared I may have been a catalyst for your leaving. Our exchange in the Spirituality forum felt a bit contentious and still feels like we, out of respect for the original thread, did not find closure there. If I contributed to your difficulty here, I apologize. But, at the same time, I am moved by your mentioning my name as someone whom you felt support from. Thank you for that and for all that we have shared while we had the chance.

Be well - I wish you peace in your heart, soul and journey to being whole - John
 
Temporarily edited by author
 
Mystic Rhythm,

Although I didnt get to well acquainted with you, Im sorry to see you go. Having said that, Id like to ask you a few questions, and make a statement or two if I may. It may not be my place to say this, but perhaps I feel a little freer to do that because we didnt know each other well, I dont know.

You mentioned a handful of members whom you appreciated. I assume you considered them to be your friends. How do you think they feel about your leaving having written this place off as weak? Are they weak too because they choose to stay, offering their support to those traveling the road behind them?

One thing Ive learned over the years is that if you consider someone to be your friend you dont abandon them because of something someone said or did that upset you. The other thing Ive learned is that one has no hope of healing a rift in a friendship or family by leaving the relationship. I gather from your actions that you dont consider the relationship worth the effort. If I had been among those here that you considered to be your friends I would be hurt and saddened by that.

Youve said some pretty damaging things here lately. Granted, what was said to you was not particularly kind either, but arent we bigger than that? Isnt that part of what healing is supposed to be all about? Learning to live our life in such a way that when someone says or does something that hacks us off we are able to handle it in such a way that we dont let it/them control us as we learned to do because of our abuse? Arent we supposed to be learning to face confrontation with patience and understanding, realizing that the other person may have some issues as yet undealt with, and needs us to help them work through them.

I really do wish you the best in your life and endeavors as you continue the path toward wholeness. I just wonder what it is youre running from.

Please consider yourself welcome here anytime you care to drop in for a visit or wish to resume your activities on this forum.

Peace My Friend,

John
 
MR, I have missed not reading what you have to say. I see a great bunch of guys here who have become or are becoming my friends.

Andrei made a great point I think, that instead of seeing weakness he sees strength where us guys get to share (very bravely) what we are going through. Then again, we may have misunderstood what you mean by seeing weakness. Its so hard to convey full meaning in written form without writing 3 paragraphs about what you meant in the last sentence. Regardless, whatever you mean and wanted to say thats cool.

Im touched that you mentioned me in your goodbye. I feel that I often add little and make no difference and people wonts miss me if Im not here. Your acknowledgement tells me otherwise thanks.

I also think that perhaps part of you feeling you need time away from here may not all be about what you said but its how one feels when you spend time here. This is no comic strip or feel good movie site. These are guys lives like yours and mine that have been messed up by what happened to us. Thats not going to always make you feel good when you log off so for me at least, I need to not log in every day and read every post but I too need some space. Perhaps thats part of what you are feeling?

Anyway, I look forward to hearing from you again when youre ready. Take care.

Bruce
 
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