This one is confusing (Possible triggers)

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This one is confusing (Possible triggers)

I've been thinking where in the hell do I put THIS one?

Today for the first time since this incident, I told one of my closest friends here about this, because of how it is affecting something I have to do in a few weeks. As a result, I've had to disclose it to a second person.

All afternoon this has bugged the crap out of me and if it's bugging me that bad, guess I need to talk about it, eh?

10 years ago, I was working for a company that I thought was my dream job, where I had started at the bottom, and whitin 3 months was on the Board of Directors as the Director of IT and floor operations. I had 28 people reporting to me. The boss and I got along quite well, as I did with his wife.

I won't go into detail about what happened to the company, but we were forced to move it out of state where I was to run it.

My boss and I had a loaded Uhaul truck and headed from Tucson to Albuquerqe to set up shop. When we got there it was night so we had some dinner and a few beers and checked into a motel in a shared room.

I woke up in the middle of the night with someone's hands on me. I wasn't even really awake. I just struck out with my legs and I guess I knocked him to the ground. And then I was on top of him just beating the crap out of him. I don't know how long that went on till I realized where we were and who had been touching me. It was my straight boss.

Course the cops were called and I told them what happened but just generally and told them it was probably just the beer. Of course it wasn't.

My boss never said a word about it, nor did I. I guess I was too ashamed that he thought I would want that. So I have kept it to myself all these years, thinking I must have somehow encouraged him because I am gay.

I don't even know what to term what happened that night, but it has had a profound effect on me which at this time I don't wish to go into.

Was this attempted rape? Was this just him wanting to fool around? I mean, he's straight (although he spent 10 years in prison so who knows). I knew his wife. I played with his kids. This confuses the hell out of me and now I can't bury it again.

Marc
 
Marc,
for me this is clear situation.
Your boss wanted to have sex with you. You can not blame yourself that you were encouraged him.
Do not be confused with the fact that he is "straight", pure declaration with wife and kids means nothing.
Guy with kids and wife wanted to f**** me and thank God that I was able to escape him. I do not care if he is straight or what.
Your boss broke, yeah old story again, your personal borders by all means. He probably thought that you would positively respond just because you are gay.
I mean people tend to have a lot of wrong ideas in their mind.
And Marc, despite everything, it is normal that some of the people would find you sexually attractive, you do not have to feel nor shame nor guilt because of that.

Ivo
 
From my distance I would say that it was an uninvited, i.e. non-consenting advance/assault. The fact that you're gay is HIS excuse - and a damn poor one at that. He was just acting out the stereotyped notion that because gay men have sex with men ALL gay men would want to have sex with ALL men.

As a survivor, in a state of sleep, you lashed out completely naturally, in my opinion.

Kenn
 
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