this is working for me

this is working for me
M

markgreyblue

Registrant
a confusion to me -

how I could be very social

very 'charming, witty - sharp and clever- insightful -..'

yet once alone -

my self - was desolate - self hating -

inward -

these two selves I am bringing together into one

now - for vaguely the reminder that something

is not making sense -

as a matter of somehow gaining more trust in me -

more confidence - and more clear ability and reality to keep vigilance over

my life - and my choices - and place --

in the way that is best for me -

to my values - to my standard - as well as responsible to the relationships I have -

I am a power in my life - more and more

as I become me - the healthy -

- self reliant -

honest - and not serving - but also
loving - and seeing -
I worry for those - I know are hurting -
and also realizing -

there is this - me -

I am whole -

I have been not putting off things - I have been serving what I need - practically -
as I can for now -


I am seeing that I am one man - and have time to deal with things as I can - different times

I can make my choices - judgements - are mine to make - I love myself and others -

and I am ok with who I am.
 
this conclusion came from a few days - of struggle

and finally - there was a conversation about balance - and as well in this talk -

the emphasis on staying emotionally present - and spiritually present in our work - and

i found in seeing how I do that.

a way to self care - and self accept more -

but also

I found a great sense making and a group of realizations. It gets better, and I see
more and more.

I am very happy.

:)

good luck - and good joy - for today.


M
 
And don't forget, as with age, like wine and cheese, we mature and hopefully our concept of self improves. Acceptance and don't let the ego get in the way of reality.

ribbit
 
thanks guys

you got this right...!!!

today

i started to let life happen! :)

a young bartendar here at the hotel talked to me a few days back

i thought nothing of it -

but then he gave me my drink free!?

today - he saw me again -

and he stopped his work

and talked to me at length...

instead of getting suspect - "what do you want?" stuff

i let it happen -

and watched his face - as he talked about his day -

and - he even said "i usually hate talking ..."

he is the bartendar - and outside of his role -

brought me my food today -

wild -

i think - as we get happier with ourselves -

i think we can also start to see outside of "shoulds"

and see the better reality coming at us -

..steppping out of the way - and letting life happen.

he asked how long i am staying here -

and hopes to see me again! LOL

i think yes - i deserve better than being alone -

and to enjoy a really handsome young man

to take an interest -

i kind of have to pinch myself - since -

i always used to shut off - or find some reason -

to not go with it. and well - when i did go with it -

it was usually a disaster -

it's kind of nice - we're just chatting

he just wants to talk to me

and no one else...

mgb
 
:)
 
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