This is tough going

This is tough going
G

Grunty1967b

Registrant
I hope nobody ever said recovery was easy. It's not!

As much as I love this site and my friends here, everything I'm working through makes every day living very hard. I want to log on often but I'm either too tired or too upset.

Just this week I told my wife about how my boss was describing a sad story about somebody he knew. It was in a staff meeting. I started crying! (softly and discreetly). That's not me! Well, seems like it is now.

I get really emotional now when I didn't before. As I told my wife about these emotions I now have she looked at me like I was an alien. Then the added, I cry all the time! Welcome to my world.
 
Grunty,

I know. Most of the guys here know me as the one who is emotional about stuff. Tears of joy, sorrow, support, and other things.

It didn't used to be like this. I was really uncomfortable with it for a while, but I'd a whole lot rather shed a few tears than be the angry man I used to be.

Your tears show a number of things, but one of the most important is that you have a soul and you are a caring person. The tears do lessen as you travel the path, but I think as a survivor moving toward a thriver, you will always be more sensitive than you were, and that's a good thing, really.

Lots of love,

John
 
Grunty

Tears of empathy - a wonderful thing.

From one who was once emotionally dead.

Kirk
"Lets grab this bull by the horns and swing it about a bit"
 
Bruce,

I just want to echo something John said:

Your tears show a number of things, but one of the most important is that you have a soul and you are a caring person.
Click to expand...
On top of that, Bruce, remember that one defense mechanism a survivor has is that he shuts down emotionally and refuses to feel anything at all. That's one big reason why, when we begin to recover and allow ourselves to feel again, it's like a bursting dam.

I remember times last year when I would feel myself falling apart and really had a hard time holding it together. Now those occasions arise less frequently, you know what else? I began to see that there's nothing wrong with being a man who knows what he feels, feels what he knows, and isn't afraid to express those feelings.

I understand what you are saying about breaking down in a meeting, but at the end of the day even that's okay. In time you will find a sense of equilibrium that's good for you.

As John says, what's important is that you are a caring person. I think you were always like that; what's happening now is that you are reconnecting with this dimension of yourself, and surely that's a good thing.

Much love,
Larry
 
Hi Grunty

I know what you mean with emotions getting a bit erratic. I have been feeling pretty positive about my recovery for the last week then today I have been getting upset and crying on and off all day for no reason I can fathom.

I personally see it as a good sign that at least I am feeling emotions. Personally I would rather be crying than feeling empty and numb.

Hopefully happier emotions will start to come through soon as well eh.

Take care

Craig
 
Grunty and Craig.

My emotions at the beginning were all over the place and it still comes in fits and sarts to this day. I can go for months without feeling tearful then all of a sudden BANG ... something hits me (usually the most innocent of things)and the tears flow.

Your emotions will level out in time.

One thing I have noticed that after a crying session, do I feel relaxed? You bet I do.

When I cried that first time sober (I would cry all the time when drinking), it was like a miracle to me as I always thought I was beyond it but then I held my godaughter for the first time. Couldnt cry in public at that time I had to run for the safety of the toilet, but everyone knew what was going on. A memory that will stay with me for the rest of my days.

Kirk
"Lets grab this bull by the horns and swing it about a bit"
 
What's better crying on the inside, or crying on the outside?

Sorry for the rhetorical question. I'd rather be seen to be crying now, than hold all of that hurt inside!

It's made others around me think too!

Macho??? Yeh right!! Cry, and others open up!

Best wishes ..Rik
 
Crying is nothing more than a very normal physical reaction to strong emotions. Society really put some strange expectations on us. Crying is no less manly or macho than playing tackle football in the gravel, imho. Some of the more competitive players not only cry when they lose, but when they win a hard fought game.

Football is only an analogy, but I sure am glad pre-season is back.
 
Hi Bruce,

The phenominom of going from numb to feeling is quite amazing. I never really felt love, value or even pain for many years in the true sense, only shadows of these emotions... when I started to feel things - I was shocked at how much I missed out on feeling in my life. Now when I cry I feel deeply the joy, anger, sadness or grief - even if it is only identifying with others who are going through things. I think it is absolutely GREAT progress!! Look at it as something very positive in your life.

Blessings!
 
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