this is tough, but it's tougher not to say anything

this is tough, but it's tougher not to say anything

barbary

New Registrant
I hope I'm in the right place. Some bad stuff happened about 2 months ago and it's still with me, and so much happened that I'm not even sure where to start.

Two months ago I went with some buddies to an apartment to take mushrooms. One of the kids there got crazy for whatever reason and sexually assaulted me. I think it's important to say I wasn't raped. This kid tried to take off my pants and kept calling out that he wanted me. Eventually he stripped off his clothes and was running after me. My best friend tackled him, and I ran upstairs. I still feel somewhat like a coward because of that, but I also think it makes sense to get away from your attacker.

Anyway, I started freaking out upstairs so I left the apartment. As soon as I got outside my best friend came over the balcony - he'd stabbed himself. I held him and screamed for help - he died that night in the hospital.

I'm having some trouble now dealing with everything that happened. It's funny though - I can talk with people about the suicide (which is what my friends told me happened) and the drug use freely, but I'm not willing to talk about the thing that happened to me. Once I tried to open up to another kid who was there, and he told me "Well you weren't raped, so don't worry". Well that's not exactly what he said but I don't wanna be crude. So I haven't really talked to people here about it, and not many people know.

I have a lot of shame about what happened. Sometimes I think that I should just forget about it because after all, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. But it's hard. At night sometimes I get scared that the kid will somehow be outside my window and want to hurt me. I flashback to the day this all happened sometimes too. Sometimes I still blame myself for my best friend's death, because I figure that there was something about me that set off my attacker and this is what drove my friend crazy. Today's one of those days for all of these things.

Most of the time I want to get past this but it's hard. I know I shouldn't be feeling what I do because assault doesn't have anything to do with the victim, but still . . . And I hate the word victim, too. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed by everything. And the wierd thing is that I know I'm going through a lot right now with grieving and everything, but I know that that will be OK and I can handle it with support. It's the other thing that I think I need a little help to handle.

I don't talk to the kid who attacked me and I don't want to. A few of my friends do and they said that they don't think it's gonna be long now until he hurts himself or takes his own life. When I heard that I said that was a shame but I was lying. I really don't want anything to do with this kid ever again and in some way I almost wish he would kill himself so I could know that he can't hurt me again. And I feel really awful for thinking that. I think that in time the fear will go away, and the guilt, and the shame maybee too. Things get wierd sometimes with my girlfriend in bed, but not too often. Like, sometimes I need some space. Anyway, it helps just to tell my story.
 
Even armed police officers get really stressed out when there is a drug crazed person around. There is no way a person can talk to them or calm them down.

You person was attacked, he tried to make you naked in front of others and yelled his sexual desires for you. You do not have to be raped to be sexually assaulted.

If this kid is messing with drugs and harms himself it is certainly not your problem. But he sure needs some help. Does he have any friends who might try to get him to seek help?

I would thing that when he is not under the influence he would be terribly embarassed by what he did--if anyone tells him what he did.

You see what drugs do to a person. Sure hope you can decide to stay away from them.

Bob
 
Barbary
I wont lecture anyone on the 'evils' of taking drugs, it's something I grew out of, and I'm glad I did. I hope you do as well.

One important thing you say is -

I know I'm going through a lot right now with grieving and everything, but I know that that will be OK and I can handle it with support.
The bit about 'support' is the important thing.
It takes guts to accept support and help, and you must have some guts to come here, and accept that you might need some help. Feel proud of that, and make it the starting point of reclaiming YOUR life.

Move on, do you need those sort of 'friends' ?

Dave
 
I can not reply to much here, because it was to hard to read what had happened with you and your friend.

I will say that I think the drugs, and the 'friends' you are still around, they need to be gone. That is pulling your life further down and keeping it down. You need to get out of that kind of world, and treat yourself with more kindness then those people can offer to you.

I think it is natural to have hatred, and actually wish death upon our abusers. But I think you are probably a decent person, with a conscience, and if he were to end himself, you would feel bad, and probably even guilty, not that the guilt is yours.

You sound strong, which is something that will help you get through this. But you also sound like you are still among a negative element, and you need to protect yourself from further problems. I wish you good luck.

Leosha
 
Barbary...

Mushrooms / dope / mandies etc..etc .. etc..

I'm not going to lecture anyone on whether or not they should take drugs either. The examples below are of people I knew 20 years ago (what they did then) & how they are now.

One of my old friends smoked / injected / took a range of tablets whilst at university...still alive but dropped out of uni...cannot remember most of his actions. Is now incapable of working and socialising!

Another old friend.. smoked dope like the proverbial chimney... result: looks about 20 years older than what he should do..is totally physcotic, has no social skills.

Number 3 actually used to source the materials for the other 2. Dead from all of the carcogenics that he took. Looked about 60 when he was 30 and became the greedist person ever just to source his weed.

Each of them did allsorts of mad things when high... one of them pissed all over my sisters stereo one night & had no recollection of it whatsoever the next day. One of them wiped a whole nights empty glasses off a bar (it was louder than the shootout in Heat) because he could not get a drink after closing time was called.

Taking mushrooms:
1/ Where did they come from (I mean where did they grow, not who sold them or provided them.
2/ What type were they.
3/ What properties did they have.
4/ How potent were they.

Drug companies pay a fortune for people to act as Guinea Pigs...drug dealers just want the money! Dope is now about 7 times stronger than it was when the people I mentioned above were taking it.

I have given some answers to what can happen to people who take drugs (it seems that some people can try & then leave the stuff alone where others cannot).

Yes I did! I'm not a puritan.

So Barbary... the bloke that wanted you naked, may not actually have wanted that at all. Do you think that your friend would have stabbed himself had he not taken the mushrooms?

Sorry if I sound like I'm lecturing when I promised not to ..I've just seen people make mistakes and don't want you to do that. Your posting indicates that a lot of people were doing things that they had no real memory of the next day.

It sounds like you all made a mutual decision to take the mushrooms - that means that each of you took a risk. You are not to blame for your friends death, but you are allowed to grieve him..don't look for blame. Read your own posting... it gives the impression that no one really knows what happened that night....mushrooms are crap (call that lecturing if you want...they are bloody awful).

Sorry I didn't answer this one sooner, but I think I was away when you posted & I only look as far down the postings as time/energy allows.

Me - well I like Red Wine now, particularly Chilean Cabernet Sauvignon (no doubt someone will come up with a story about what this nectar does to you & will I listen)?!

Rik - I didn't live all this time to say nothing!
 
Barbary & everyone else,

Sorry but I sometimes think that we are all caught up with our own abuse sometimes and may miss what could be pertinent points (not judging).

Barbary - to me the main thing that stands out from your posting is "Sometimes I still blame myself for my best friends death".

That's a hell of a thing for anyone to carry!

It's back to the mushrooms - each individual decided to take them. Anyone could have said no! It could have been you, it could have been one of the others...it wasn't - that is a fact! It's the same thing as the abuse cycle that all of us here have been through...was it our fault? NO!

Think I've said enough now ...Rik
 
THere are many ways to be sexually assaulted, and you were sexually assaulted. I'm sorry this happened to you, I know how hard it is to see your best friend die, I saw my best friend beate to death, so I know the pain there. You can get through it, I think you just need to get away from the friends of yours who use drugs. Since you were assaulted you need to be more gentle with yourself than befiore, you can be more sensitive to things, escpecially the way you were assaulted can up the startle response to things to try to protect you more. I wish I had something else I could say to help, but you need to do what is best for yurself. It is normal for you not to care if the person who assaulted you died, but I think in reality it would bother you as if any one else died. You sound very strong, so you will have a slightly easier time to deal with it then someone who was weaker, not to say it will be easy, it won't. BUt you can get through it, just takes time and some help.

scott
 
Back
Top