This Is My Life’s Story Part 10
Captain Jigglypuff
Registrant
I will be talking about the two years I spent living in the group home and how it helped me regain some normalcy in my life. Some triggers will be present mostly about death here and a bit about another man’s naked body.
The Group Home
I had to stay at a crisis house for a week across the street from the group home before I could move in. I was basically a wreck and had no self esteem or self worth for the first eight months. It was pretty clear that I had some serious issues that needed to be addressed and I mostly kept to myself for the first month and would still have emotional outbursts when upset for months. But I was glad to finall be free from my stepmom’s control over me. My self esteem was so low that if anyone tried to complement me, I’d shoot it down and say that it wasn’t true. One employee was extremely shocked that I kept doing this and was so hard on myself all the time. I did my best to obey all of the rules and I really didn’t act out against them as they were meant for everyone. The hardest to keep was not having any magazines or movies with sexual content because of state regulations. I was still full of hormones and needed an outlet which I couldn’t get. I saw a lot of people come and go from the home and there were only three that I had any real issues with all the time. The first one was a kid about my age and he was a bully and I made it clear that I didn’t like how he kept treating me. Eventually he was kicked out for breaking the rules. The second I had to be roommates with for a couple of months and that was not fun at all.
This roommate would say really insulting things about you right to your face and had a massive ego. He called me lazy and worthless once because I wasn’t going to school because I was trying to recover from so many issues that had broken me and caused me to move into the group home. He also thought he was the best person in the world and above everyone else. As I’ve said before, he was dating a girl that lived in the home and everyone knew it and that they were fucking each other. I saw the girl in our room before alone with the guy and that was a major violation of the rules. Well they had decided to move out together and move in with each other and the guy caused problems the entire morning before they left. He was walking around the upstairs completely naked and honestly he looked awful in many way. I don’t like to body shame anyone but this guy was just so pale and flabby and his penis was extremely tiny. The employee was told by another resident that this man was compl naked and refusing to put clothes on and when she confronted him he asked her, “What’s the problem? Haven’t you ever seen a real man before?” which she later said after he was gone that if he was a “real man” then she was glad she had never seen one before and laughed at how tiny he was down there and we all agreed it was ridiculously small and explained why he had such a massive ego since he had to compensate for being two inches flaccid. The guy eventually knocked up the girl and then ran off on her.
The third resident I had major issues with was Steve who I went to school with. I didn’t like the fact that I had to live with him but I tolerated it as I had no choice in the matter. I made it very clear that I didn’t like him and kept most conversations he’d try to have with me as short as possible to avoid be around him so much. My main concern besides him making fun of me again and saying those five little words to me like he had always done was that he’d remember the things he learned about me and use it as fuel to bully me some more and then gossip to his friends about what he learned about me. I did not trust Steve at all and he was exactly as I had remembered which was even worse. He always acted like he was better than me and the worst thing about him was that he was a suck up and played teacher’s pet and if he couldn’t make himself your favorite person in the entire world, he’d turn on you and try to get others to join him. The most unforgivable thing he said to me was how I didn’t deserve to pass the biology class we had together because the teacher was sick of me refusing to say that forensic science was completely accurate and never failed which was incredibly insulting because having an older sibling like my sister who was well known throughout the school and got good grades and was valedictorian and went to Harvard and having to follow her while having an undiagnosed learning disability and autism meant that I had to work twice as hard as anyone in the class just to get a B and to feel like the teacher didn’t think I was worth their time or being taught by them. Steve said stuff like that to me all the time and then he’d wonder why I hated him so much and why I was always trying to avoid him. He was also extremely lazy. He had gotten a job in a supermarket bakery and he called off so much the first two weeks he had it which is even worse considering the first month that he had it was February. He seriously called off 14 days because he was too lazy to get up. His idea of cleaning a bathroom was literally taking a single Clorox wipe and wiping off the sink. He couldn’t even vacuum properly and almost started a fire with how many bulky items he sucked up into the vacuum and caused it to get clogged pretty badly. He vacuumed up a large roll of gauze and I knew he did this because I found his punch out tickets from his job with his name on them as I was clearing out the blockage. Eventually Steve got a roommate Josh who I became good friends with.
Josh was either schizophrenic or bipolar and was prone to having manic states. But he was pretty friendly and wasn’t violent or make any threats to anyone and we got along pretty well. He could also see right through Steve and see that he was a suck up that thought he was better than everyone else. Josh was the only person who lived with me in the group home that I saw often after we had both moved out. I saw a couple in group therapy twice a week but Josh was the one I hung out with. He was also one of two friends that Maria had approved of and let me visit without her supervision. When I moved out of the group home, I was placed in a transitional program to teach me how to become more independent and a few months later Josh had moved into the same apartment complex on his own. I admit that I had a crush on him but I kept it to myself but I think he might have known but didn’t say anything about it. Our relationship was sort of a bromance. He would occasionally work out in front of me shirtless and talked about sex with women in front of me which I didn’t mind. One day during the summer of 2008, I went to visit Josh and noticed he was acting strangely which worried me. He was all manic and had suddenly decided to move to Europe and was leaving in a few days and I knew this was extremely unlike him and I thought he had stopped taking his meds and I told my caseworker to get a hold of Josh’s because I was worried that he was like this and that I was afraid he had stopped taking his meds. He then left and I never saw him again but I often wondered where he was and how he was doing and if I helped enough trying to stop him from leaving. Then in 2017, I saw an obituary for him which shocked me and I looked into how he died and the truth is horrible. Apparently his roommate who claimed to be his boyfriend had said he threatened him with a knife before leaving and the guy called the police. Josh was then confronted by an officer who just fired his gun at him and claimed Josh was charging at him. Thing is there’s actually a video showing Josh being confronted by the officer before being shot and killed. The video description called Josh “violent” and that he had threatened the officer. But I saw the video. Josh had his hands out in front of him and never lowered them. He did shift his feet a little bit but he was not posing any real threat or at least one that needed to be shot. He was just standing there. In all honesty from what I can gather, Josh must have stopped taking his meds again and because he had mental health issues, he was deemed to have been violent just because of what one guy said and because he was holding a knife. Josh was never violent towards anyone nor did he make any threats. I lived with him for eight months in the group home and if he had been “violent” and a “threat” then the group home would have kicked him out immediately. There was one woman they kicked out because she had gotten so angry that she kept screaming into the phone while using it for over an hour and yelling at everyone who told her to stop screaming. I often wonder if Josh would still be alive if I had convinced him to stay for me and told him my true feelings for him? I would have told the police that he isn’t actually violent and was acting irrationally due to stopping his meds. I often wonder if I did enough to try to stop him? That’s all my thoughts on Josh.
Next time I will go into more details about the verbal and emotional abuse that I had suffered once I got my first apartment.
The Group Home
I had to stay at a crisis house for a week across the street from the group home before I could move in. I was basically a wreck and had no self esteem or self worth for the first eight months. It was pretty clear that I had some serious issues that needed to be addressed and I mostly kept to myself for the first month and would still have emotional outbursts when upset for months. But I was glad to finall be free from my stepmom’s control over me. My self esteem was so low that if anyone tried to complement me, I’d shoot it down and say that it wasn’t true. One employee was extremely shocked that I kept doing this and was so hard on myself all the time. I did my best to obey all of the rules and I really didn’t act out against them as they were meant for everyone. The hardest to keep was not having any magazines or movies with sexual content because of state regulations. I was still full of hormones and needed an outlet which I couldn’t get. I saw a lot of people come and go from the home and there were only three that I had any real issues with all the time. The first one was a kid about my age and he was a bully and I made it clear that I didn’t like how he kept treating me. Eventually he was kicked out for breaking the rules. The second I had to be roommates with for a couple of months and that was not fun at all.
This roommate would say really insulting things about you right to your face and had a massive ego. He called me lazy and worthless once because I wasn’t going to school because I was trying to recover from so many issues that had broken me and caused me to move into the group home. He also thought he was the best person in the world and above everyone else. As I’ve said before, he was dating a girl that lived in the home and everyone knew it and that they were fucking each other. I saw the girl in our room before alone with the guy and that was a major violation of the rules. Well they had decided to move out together and move in with each other and the guy caused problems the entire morning before they left. He was walking around the upstairs completely naked and honestly he looked awful in many way. I don’t like to body shame anyone but this guy was just so pale and flabby and his penis was extremely tiny. The employee was told by another resident that this man was compl naked and refusing to put clothes on and when she confronted him he asked her, “What’s the problem? Haven’t you ever seen a real man before?” which she later said after he was gone that if he was a “real man” then she was glad she had never seen one before and laughed at how tiny he was down there and we all agreed it was ridiculously small and explained why he had such a massive ego since he had to compensate for being two inches flaccid. The guy eventually knocked up the girl and then ran off on her.
The third resident I had major issues with was Steve who I went to school with. I didn’t like the fact that I had to live with him but I tolerated it as I had no choice in the matter. I made it very clear that I didn’t like him and kept most conversations he’d try to have with me as short as possible to avoid be around him so much. My main concern besides him making fun of me again and saying those five little words to me like he had always done was that he’d remember the things he learned about me and use it as fuel to bully me some more and then gossip to his friends about what he learned about me. I did not trust Steve at all and he was exactly as I had remembered which was even worse. He always acted like he was better than me and the worst thing about him was that he was a suck up and played teacher’s pet and if he couldn’t make himself your favorite person in the entire world, he’d turn on you and try to get others to join him. The most unforgivable thing he said to me was how I didn’t deserve to pass the biology class we had together because the teacher was sick of me refusing to say that forensic science was completely accurate and never failed which was incredibly insulting because having an older sibling like my sister who was well known throughout the school and got good grades and was valedictorian and went to Harvard and having to follow her while having an undiagnosed learning disability and autism meant that I had to work twice as hard as anyone in the class just to get a B and to feel like the teacher didn’t think I was worth their time or being taught by them. Steve said stuff like that to me all the time and then he’d wonder why I hated him so much and why I was always trying to avoid him. He was also extremely lazy. He had gotten a job in a supermarket bakery and he called off so much the first two weeks he had it which is even worse considering the first month that he had it was February. He seriously called off 14 days because he was too lazy to get up. His idea of cleaning a bathroom was literally taking a single Clorox wipe and wiping off the sink. He couldn’t even vacuum properly and almost started a fire with how many bulky items he sucked up into the vacuum and caused it to get clogged pretty badly. He vacuumed up a large roll of gauze and I knew he did this because I found his punch out tickets from his job with his name on them as I was clearing out the blockage. Eventually Steve got a roommate Josh who I became good friends with.
Josh was either schizophrenic or bipolar and was prone to having manic states. But he was pretty friendly and wasn’t violent or make any threats to anyone and we got along pretty well. He could also see right through Steve and see that he was a suck up that thought he was better than everyone else. Josh was the only person who lived with me in the group home that I saw often after we had both moved out. I saw a couple in group therapy twice a week but Josh was the one I hung out with. He was also one of two friends that Maria had approved of and let me visit without her supervision. When I moved out of the group home, I was placed in a transitional program to teach me how to become more independent and a few months later Josh had moved into the same apartment complex on his own. I admit that I had a crush on him but I kept it to myself but I think he might have known but didn’t say anything about it. Our relationship was sort of a bromance. He would occasionally work out in front of me shirtless and talked about sex with women in front of me which I didn’t mind. One day during the summer of 2008, I went to visit Josh and noticed he was acting strangely which worried me. He was all manic and had suddenly decided to move to Europe and was leaving in a few days and I knew this was extremely unlike him and I thought he had stopped taking his meds and I told my caseworker to get a hold of Josh’s because I was worried that he was like this and that I was afraid he had stopped taking his meds. He then left and I never saw him again but I often wondered where he was and how he was doing and if I helped enough trying to stop him from leaving. Then in 2017, I saw an obituary for him which shocked me and I looked into how he died and the truth is horrible. Apparently his roommate who claimed to be his boyfriend had said he threatened him with a knife before leaving and the guy called the police. Josh was then confronted by an officer who just fired his gun at him and claimed Josh was charging at him. Thing is there’s actually a video showing Josh being confronted by the officer before being shot and killed. The video description called Josh “violent” and that he had threatened the officer. But I saw the video. Josh had his hands out in front of him and never lowered them. He did shift his feet a little bit but he was not posing any real threat or at least one that needed to be shot. He was just standing there. In all honesty from what I can gather, Josh must have stopped taking his meds again and because he had mental health issues, he was deemed to have been violent just because of what one guy said and because he was holding a knife. Josh was never violent towards anyone nor did he make any threats. I lived with him for eight months in the group home and if he had been “violent” and a “threat” then the group home would have kicked him out immediately. There was one woman they kicked out because she had gotten so angry that she kept screaming into the phone while using it for over an hour and yelling at everyone who told her to stop screaming. I often wonder if Josh would still be alive if I had convinced him to stay for me and told him my true feelings for him? I would have told the police that he isn’t actually violent and was acting irrationally due to stopping his meds. I often wonder if I did enough to try to stop him? That’s all my thoughts on Josh.
Next time I will go into more details about the verbal and emotional abuse that I had suffered once I got my first apartment.