This is like victim mentality, but isn't
Might be triggering? I don't know how many of us deal with body dismorphia, and whether any know it as deeply as I do, for the reasons that are mine? I feel it's been discussed quite a bit here, without using the DSM label Body Dismorphic Disorder.
It dismays me that the definition lays focus upon facial appearance, or the sense of shape and features of the sufferers face. Too many suffer their body appearance and features, but are not noted in the DSM as readily. It's diagnosis for the body feature only comes with how the effects of that one or other body feature exactly describes the diagnosis. I have this diagnosis. I don't like it, but it explains my lifelong obsession with my affliction, and why I see it as an affliction.
It led me to self hate like nothing else has. I still loath my body and lack of hope to deal with victim mentality about it. There lay a form of self abuse too, that I think my mentality about this goes over the top, and my thought processes should overcome my objections. That's where the diagnosis is relevant. Like cptsd, it's not wanted, it's not logical, but has an etymology like any disease, and it's so damn debilitating, it ruins life. And, it seems illogical after discussions here and very little therapy; just one session.
I'll need to try and ask about this in therapy again, but I'm scared to be invalidated. Seemingly, with looking at treatment, all that can be done is exposure. Meaning, go try and do something I'm uncomfortable doing, and live through it. I put this on the back burner because of current and ongoing debilitating health issues (pain).
The end of last week I was prescribed a medication to put hope in my life. This morning it wasn't doing it, and I've taken the 2nd recommended. Maybe in an hour I'll feel better? But, these pain interruptions (nerve like Fibromyalgia) are greatly influenced by stress. And I'm still here, trying to live the stress I impose by staying here (my marriage). I can't afford to leave, I have to have the health insurance I am not providing for myself. I barely scratch any income, and the dismay of pain, and weight gain, coupled with the dismay of living here and knowing all of it is related to stress dismays me more!
The no win life I'm leading, is victim mentality at its worst. But, without health to earn, and the opportunities I'm trying, can be fleeting if I can't feel better.My sense of doom lingers. Snapping out of it is linked to Body Dismorphia, is linked to cptsd, is linked to stress, is linked to staying here. Does all it get better by leaving? I don't think so, it can't if I have no roof, no clothes, no base, no link to health insurance! I'll die without my medications. There's no hope without them. I don't have a death wish!
I wonder... in life, and we all don't like the 'what if', but that's all I have left. What if I stay, and get to have my meds with the hope the pain gets better, and I can now exercise, and do more work, and get out and do some exposure therapy on myself? I need to think this through, and brothers, please help me? I don't want to be told to leave, I need these meds. I'm too far gone now to get by without them. My blood pressure rockets to 210/110. and my nerve pain goes beyond debilitating. Let alone my first Colonoscopy at the end of August, and a biopsy of my Prostrate postponed due to my knee replacement, and then ongoing Pain Management appointments. All gone if I leave.
If they're taken from me, that's different, I have to try the state then, but that's ridiculous to impose on myself if I don't have to. And the lax of state help means I can't depend on the state to give a rats ass about my living or dying for the meds I have to have.
I don't feel good posting this. I can't expect to be helped with gentle kindness, when I note victim mentality. I don't know what else to do, so if it's quintessential victim mentality that I'm putting on display, I beg forgiveness.
It dismays me that the definition lays focus upon facial appearance, or the sense of shape and features of the sufferers face. Too many suffer their body appearance and features, but are not noted in the DSM as readily. It's diagnosis for the body feature only comes with how the effects of that one or other body feature exactly describes the diagnosis. I have this diagnosis. I don't like it, but it explains my lifelong obsession with my affliction, and why I see it as an affliction.
It led me to self hate like nothing else has. I still loath my body and lack of hope to deal with victim mentality about it. There lay a form of self abuse too, that I think my mentality about this goes over the top, and my thought processes should overcome my objections. That's where the diagnosis is relevant. Like cptsd, it's not wanted, it's not logical, but has an etymology like any disease, and it's so damn debilitating, it ruins life. And, it seems illogical after discussions here and very little therapy; just one session.
I'll need to try and ask about this in therapy again, but I'm scared to be invalidated. Seemingly, with looking at treatment, all that can be done is exposure. Meaning, go try and do something I'm uncomfortable doing, and live through it. I put this on the back burner because of current and ongoing debilitating health issues (pain).
The end of last week I was prescribed a medication to put hope in my life. This morning it wasn't doing it, and I've taken the 2nd recommended. Maybe in an hour I'll feel better? But, these pain interruptions (nerve like Fibromyalgia) are greatly influenced by stress. And I'm still here, trying to live the stress I impose by staying here (my marriage). I can't afford to leave, I have to have the health insurance I am not providing for myself. I barely scratch any income, and the dismay of pain, and weight gain, coupled with the dismay of living here and knowing all of it is related to stress dismays me more!
The no win life I'm leading, is victim mentality at its worst. But, without health to earn, and the opportunities I'm trying, can be fleeting if I can't feel better.My sense of doom lingers. Snapping out of it is linked to Body Dismorphia, is linked to cptsd, is linked to stress, is linked to staying here. Does all it get better by leaving? I don't think so, it can't if I have no roof, no clothes, no base, no link to health insurance! I'll die without my medications. There's no hope without them. I don't have a death wish!
I wonder... in life, and we all don't like the 'what if', but that's all I have left. What if I stay, and get to have my meds with the hope the pain gets better, and I can now exercise, and do more work, and get out and do some exposure therapy on myself? I need to think this through, and brothers, please help me? I don't want to be told to leave, I need these meds. I'm too far gone now to get by without them. My blood pressure rockets to 210/110. and my nerve pain goes beyond debilitating. Let alone my first Colonoscopy at the end of August, and a biopsy of my Prostrate postponed due to my knee replacement, and then ongoing Pain Management appointments. All gone if I leave.
If they're taken from me, that's different, I have to try the state then, but that's ridiculous to impose on myself if I don't have to. And the lax of state help means I can't depend on the state to give a rats ass about my living or dying for the meds I have to have.
I don't feel good posting this. I can't expect to be helped with gentle kindness, when I note victim mentality. I don't know what else to do, so if it's quintessential victim mentality that I'm putting on display, I beg forgiveness.
