this is how it was

[markgreyblue]

i was so ripped apart as a kid -

that i had to hide - and defend

against being gay - and also find reasons why it was illogical -

to exist in that - yet know it was how i was happiest -

i was constantly defending my sexuality - trying

to live straight - ulitmately being miserable -

empty -

a role - a robot -

when i would talk to men - i would fall in love when they started talking to me -

it's very tough - to deal with my mind -

as i have tried so hard to be the man i should be -

when a female therapist gave me attitude -

i said - "THIS IS WHAT WORKS FOR ME"

she was truly - an awful sack of shit.

no one should have to defend who they are -

or provide a reason why -

we are who we are - we follow our interests - learn - and gauge our behaviour to be at least life affirming -

our experiences have many levels -

i can imagine say now - how it might feel - or be
when i am with someone - or if ----

i know i feel rather old and worn out -and 'oh damaged goods' but - i'll stay optimistic - that someday -

right time and place - there he'll be -

and it will have an easy naturalness that we'll both be ready for -

life is good right now - and it'll be better -

i am focusing on my life - and getting ready

to open it to another's

anyways - have a good one!


i think - in a lot of ways - i have been working on "who" i am - what i want -and learning about sex (sexlife) - think now - i can put this aside and move forward-

in my gut - and in my mind - on a lot of levels - i know what i want.

amen,

Mark -

 

[Koveri]

Mark, I think I understand. You speak from my heart and I can connect with everything you say. Those of us who connect with other guys have a totally different veiw on things. I understand where you are coming from. keep talking.

Koveri