This girls father...

This girls father...
J

Jaysen

Registrant
So this girl who I got pregnant decided we have to have the "talk" with her father over the weekend.

This guy is text book career Marine.
Everything by the book, everything perfect, order, discipline, no emotions what so ever, no fuck ups.... Unfortunately his daughter is involved with a fuck up (me) he told me ever so politely.

And by the way, I don't mean to sound like I'm stereotyping Marines or military here, it just sort of fits in with his personality. I mean if this guy wasn't a state cop his only other option was military. I mean old school military.

Anyway, he basically sat me down and went off, telling me things like "I'm not good enough, I'll never amount to anything, nothing more than a fuck up, a useless punk, disrespectful, trouble maker, smart ass with no clue and no brains, I'm not good enough or worthy enough to take care of a cat let alone HIS daughter and HIS grandchild"

So I pretty much felt like I was 14 again sitting there listening to my drunk asshole father go off on me! Only difference was he never pulled out the belt.

Meanwhile, she sat there the whole time crying, she wouldn't say a word and after have this face to face with her dad? I don't blame her. Shit I almost felt like I had to "thank" him for telling me what a useless piece of shit... what the fuck is up with that? I don't take shit from anyone anymore... but this guy? I really felt like a little kid sitting there.

So, now I know how he feels and I know that she's going to do whatever he wants her to do.
He's not going to let me be a part of her life...

I have no idea what to do or how to feel about this....

Thanks,
Jay
 
well, you know most fathers are very protective of thier little girls. try and give him a break, and time to let it sink in. we often say things in the heat of the moment we shouldnt. he may very well feel everything he said. i'm sure he does, but you can always prove him wrong. that is my big thing. it seems like i've spent my whole life proving people wrong, but that is the best revenge.
 
Yeah I've thought about that, figured it was a shock to him and he was pissed and maybe said a lot of things he didn't really mean. Maybe once he has time to think about it he'll calm down, etc. Then again, do I really give a shit? Not sure that I do after that scene. I for one am tired of trying to prove people wrong.

J
 
Jay,

If this guy is old-school military then he's probably carrying around a lot of old-fashioned thinking about sex outside of marriage, not to mention some naive ideas about "his little girl". For guys like him this kind of news is pretty rough. He may well calm down once he realizes that the bottom line is this: His daughter is pregnant, has some big decisions to make, and needs his support and love now more than ever before.

You ask why you should care what he thinks. Well, because he is your child's grandfather and if the child is to have a happy childhood it will be important that Dad and Granddad aren't at each other's throats.

Another reason is the possibility that he will use his anger at you as a weapon to convince his daughter to terminate the pregnancy. She may be thinking of this anyway, but her thinking shouldn't be clouded by his rage against you personally.

You were talking the other day about the possibility that the child isn't yours. Is that being clarified?

Much love,
Larry
 
I know he's old school and protective and all that. Still no reason to make me feel like shit. The whole thing sort of triggered me.

We should hear today, hopefully this morning on the test.
 
Jay,

You're right of course. He also seems to have forgotten that the decision to have sex was mutual and that birth control is the responsibility of both parties.

And I can imagine how this would have triggered you and brought back memories of being mistreated by your father. On all this you are absolutely right.

But this is about emotions bro, and when an unexpected pregnancy gets tossed into the mix the rulebook for rational discussion often goes right out the window.

A friend of mine, for example, got his girlfriend pregnant back when we were in college, and her father threatened to kill him if he ever came close to the house again. He and the girl got married, though, and they are still together, happy, and on good terms with all four parents.

Much love,
Larry
 
Keeping all of that in mind I suppose I'm being sort of selfish right now, thinking only about myself and what I want and need. And right now I'm kind of feeling like that piece of shit loser who will never amount to anything who can't take care of a baby, or a plant.
 
Jay,

I'll just say that you're in a good place for expressing those feelings. I bet all of us here have felt the same way at some time - or MANY times.

Much love,
Larry
 
Jay,

OK hes mad! His training in the marines is supposed to make him use his brains, and not to fire off on you.

You can only hope that he comes to his senses, but are you ready for children?

Does this girl want to live with you, and maybe start a family?

He will probably calm down in time, you can only hope,

ste
 
Looking back over the whole thread it seems to me that while her father's attitude towards you is triggering and disempowering, it's secondary to the real issue - what are you and the girl going to do?

If the child she is carrying is yours, then she will have financial support from you and hopefully participation in the child's life. If you are not able to contemplate a life together with her, that doesn't mean you should deny yourself (and the child) your role as the father. That's pretty important - for both you and the child!

Another point is that a paternity test has been needed to establish whether you are the father. That means she is sexually active and has been with guys other than you. Fine, that's up to her. But it does strike me as just a bit opportunistic for her to fail to mention this to her father (I'm assuming that's what she has done) and let you take it in the teeth for the whole situation. It looks like he thinks she has been only with you and now is pregnant into the bargain. If she wants to exercise her sexual options, okay, but she needs to take responsibility for them.

Much love,
Larry
 
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