thinking about things i don't like about myself -

[markgreyblue]

- lately my eyes have been opening to another part of life -

i kind of have 'sewed my oats' - so to speak -

and now i'm starting to evaluate potential mates/boyfriends with a different lense -

I am seeing beyond the lust of the moment -

and wondering in so many ways - slowly -

how someone might be a good person to ask on a date.

no one is perfect -

and the 'angel' they seem on the surface - always belie things - of course within both of us too -

but lately - I am trying to see in some different ways -

can i relate to this person in the quiet times - really well and safely - that is so important beyond all to me - I think --

also common goals I think is really important too -

safety in the person -

attractiveness - trustworthy

- I can find someone physically attractive -
and but emotionally definitely not -

and then if there is what each other want to do in life as well -

anyway -

I dunno -

I have seen moments - when I have been perhaps more cavalier or arrogant in my attitudes about myself

a momentary 'not grounding' -

and i have looked to who i am with -
and felt such grossness about what i thought-

but I think that has more to do with
how OK I am with myself -

it's a side of me - that hasn't come up for a long time -

btu I think I am sure I know where it comes from -

and it's nothing to make big decisions by.

mgb

 

[johnsurvived]

MarkGB,

Don't go on dates with people who obviously do not care about themselves. This means, don't ask the person lying in the gutter smelling of urine on a date.

Don't go on dates with people who obviously do not care about you, either. This means, don't ask the person who's mugging you on a date.

This leaves a wide open field for dating. Unfortunately, the down side of dating is that you're only weeding out the obvious ones before you go out together; some of your dates are going to turn out to be people who can't care for themselves or for you adequately. But look at the bright side, too. You have an opportunity to spend time getting to know this about people in situations that involve food, conversation, entertainment. So even if they turn out to be total yutzes, you still get a meal, some laughs and a movie (or whatever).

The great thing in your post is your emphasis on the time element. This isn't something you can do all at once. You can't pre-select a boyfriend or life partner. You can pre-select dates, and then enter that wonderful process of familiarization with each other that either goes somewhere or doesn't, depending.

As for sowing one's wild oats -- been there, done that, have the t-shirt. Proud of it? Nah. Did I learn something doing it? Yes, definitely. There's the key. Stop beating yourself up about it; look through the 'gross' feeling. What were you looking for, what were you looking away from, what did you actually find in all those times? Those are worthy questions -- answers to them may help you feel better about being who you are today.

And speaking of who you are today, by all indications, you're a pretty damn good man.

{Mark}

John

 

[markgreyblue]

thanks John.

 

[roadrunner]

Mark,

I think all of us can look back at our pasts and see things that we aren't particularly proud of. We so often learn by doing, and yes, a lot of mistakes can be made. But what is important is the question of whether we DID learn from them. Did that experience help us to see that there is a better way?

Don't feel gross about any of that. You have clearly gained some insights from what happened, and now it's time to look to the present and the future - that is where we will all be spending the rest of our lives (saying shamelessly pinched from Mike Church).

The way you are looking at things now reflects the maturity you have gained. I also see a sense of tranquility as well, a kind of contentment with who you are and what you hold to be important in life.

That's so great to see. There many of us who never really achieve that sense of self-acceptance.

Much love,
Larry

 

[markgreyblue]

danke larry.