thinking about seeing my dad

thinking about seeing my dad
midnight51

midnight51

Today I've been thinking a lot about going to see my Dad. I havn't talked to him in about 4 or 5 years and now that I see why I ran away from him I really miss him so much. I love him but I'm so afraid. I want to be able to tell him what happened and why I really ran away and never wanted to go to his house. I'm so afraid though... I'm afraid I might get a reaction that will just destroy me. I need to feel like he loves me, I'm empty as hell. He tried so hard to stay in my life. He called years later after I ran away and tried to get contact again. I think he tried, I think he loves me. I wanna cry so bad and for so long. I want him to tell me he's sorry and that it's not my fault and that he loves me.
 
Was your Dad the person who abused you?
 
No, it was a neighboorhood boy... It was happening right underneath everyone's nose and nobody caught on. I was a little kid :(
 
Wow...I think it would do you a world of good to contact your Dad. If what you say is true, that he has tried to contact you and you believe he loves you, then you both need to reconnect. You don't necessarily have to explain everything to him right now. He probably only wants to know that you are okay...why you left can be saved for another time. If you contact him and tell him you need him back in your life, I'm betting he'll welcome you with open arms. Be clear that you want to reconnect but that you are not ready to discuss the reasons for leaving, not yet. I wish you luck in making the best decision. Also remember that you are not the boy you were when the neighbor was abusing you (though we all feel like little kids at times). He is no longer to be feared!!!
 
Midnight
In the words of Joni Mitchel - "You don't know what you've got 'till it's gone."

Dave
 
Midnight heed Johns words and the quote of Dave's from the song. Go for it my brother. You Dad never knew and he deserves a relationship with you as much as you deserve one with him.
 
midnight

this sounds like it will be a really big step for you if you make the decision to do it. i hope everything turns out the way you want it to. i wish you luck and am sending you lots of support.

Kip
 
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