leosha,
in the end, my brother, you really do have to remain true to yourself, as your changed quote at the end of your post states. i have also considered not coming back for awhile because of the pain that i see here on the forum while i am in the midst of mine. it just seems too hard to hang on at times.
two and one half hours ago i was nodding off to sleep when i got a call about someone you and i both know about. she is only eight years old and was reliving a hell i cannot even begin to imagine. i spent about an hour with her from start to finish, eight year old girl, trying to convince her that everything she was told about herself was a lie. she was told all the lies repeatedly and yet at one point she found the courage to say no. the result was the same but for that brief moment she said no. she was told the same lies you and i were told, and every survivor here ws told, that we are bad. she was convinced that she ws bad because she said no. i was with her for an hour or so and she was still not convinced. it is true that we must remain true to ourselves in the end, but we have to convince ourselves in all honesty that the decisions we reach are based on the truth of our experience and information of the moment, not on the lies of the past. i have felt really guilty for posting here about my more horrendous memories because of the effects it has had on those i have come to care deeply about. we are trusted here, and believed in, therefore our individual decisions will be honored by those who understand and accept us for who we are. but for that honor to be valid we must first honor our individual self and make sure our decisions are based on truth, not the lies of those who committed the evil done to us and every other child and innocent. if you can honestly say to yourself that this decision is based on the truth of your moment and experience then i will honor your decision and keep you in my prayers even more so than usual till i hear from you again wishing you strength and peace. if you think your decision to leave is prompted by the lies of the past then i beg you to reconsider. being true to one's self does not mean responding to emotion of the moment, or the pain, it means being able to look inside the self and follow the truth engraved on your individual soul from your experience and the hand of our Creator. stay safe, leosha, and know you are never alone again.
