Things do get better
Some of you will be aware that I have been coming to this sight for a while now - on New Years eve, it will be 2 years of posting here.
There are many new people here now and I know that many of you wonder if it ever gets better.
Recently I've just been reflecting on how far I have progressed in the last 2 years.
When I arrived here, I was 2 weeks into a major breakdown. I had hidden the abuse for many years (decades) & it just got to a point where everything burst. I was at work running a department whilst my head was exploding. I was regressing to 12 years old and terrified because everyone around me seemed to be the age of my abuser at the time of abuse.
The weekend before, I had been Christmas Shopping in Leeds. I was kicked over the edge, when I realised that I only had one present left to buy. It was for my nephew who was fast approaching the age that I was when abused (12). It dawned on me that my abuser lived even closer to my nephew than he had to me. My head just could not cope with this information.
I gradually started to pull myself back together with the support of friends, my boss and my sister (none of whom had known about this previously). It took me another 10 months to finally approach the police. They believed me!
Now 2 years on from a major breakdown I am so much better. I am facing my abuser in court in the New Year. I know that this will be difficult, but I can do it for all of us here, not just myself.
In addition to this, recently I have been working in Hungary for 3 days a week, helping to set up a new factory. Some weeks I go there alone, and only have mainly Hungarian people to speak to.
Do you know what - in the first week of production, we achieved nearly twice the ouput target. I was a guest at the 20th anniversary party, of and English Speaking Hungarian Group. The factory Manager (who had invited me to the event) took me out to lunch the following day, because the evening had been so successful. I was also called back to England to work early one week, because they needed my assistance to sort production issues in my normal role.
Does it sound like I'm bragging? Well I'm not. I'm pointing out that I am someone who very nearly didn't make it into 2003. Now I am working in a responsible position, in a foreign country. I sit in restaurants in a foreign country, where I do not yet understand the language. I am not concerned if I sit with my back to the door. I am not concerned if there are loud boisterous people there. I do not want to get up and run. Even though I do not fully know my way around town, I have no fear of getting lost.
I have no fear of doing the job wrong. I am making decisions because I know they are right, I don't wait for someone to tell me they are right.
I am a much stronger person.
I will be stronger still once the court case is over.
The remnants of the abuse will never go, but I believe that it will become a much smaller part of who I am. At one point, it was all I was.
Believe in yourselves, for you are the most important people that exist!
Best wishes ...Rik
There are many new people here now and I know that many of you wonder if it ever gets better.
Recently I've just been reflecting on how far I have progressed in the last 2 years.
When I arrived here, I was 2 weeks into a major breakdown. I had hidden the abuse for many years (decades) & it just got to a point where everything burst. I was at work running a department whilst my head was exploding. I was regressing to 12 years old and terrified because everyone around me seemed to be the age of my abuser at the time of abuse.
The weekend before, I had been Christmas Shopping in Leeds. I was kicked over the edge, when I realised that I only had one present left to buy. It was for my nephew who was fast approaching the age that I was when abused (12). It dawned on me that my abuser lived even closer to my nephew than he had to me. My head just could not cope with this information.
I gradually started to pull myself back together with the support of friends, my boss and my sister (none of whom had known about this previously). It took me another 10 months to finally approach the police. They believed me!
Now 2 years on from a major breakdown I am so much better. I am facing my abuser in court in the New Year. I know that this will be difficult, but I can do it for all of us here, not just myself.
In addition to this, recently I have been working in Hungary for 3 days a week, helping to set up a new factory. Some weeks I go there alone, and only have mainly Hungarian people to speak to.
Do you know what - in the first week of production, we achieved nearly twice the ouput target. I was a guest at the 20th anniversary party, of and English Speaking Hungarian Group. The factory Manager (who had invited me to the event) took me out to lunch the following day, because the evening had been so successful. I was also called back to England to work early one week, because they needed my assistance to sort production issues in my normal role.
Does it sound like I'm bragging? Well I'm not. I'm pointing out that I am someone who very nearly didn't make it into 2003. Now I am working in a responsible position, in a foreign country. I sit in restaurants in a foreign country, where I do not yet understand the language. I am not concerned if I sit with my back to the door. I am not concerned if there are loud boisterous people there. I do not want to get up and run. Even though I do not fully know my way around town, I have no fear of getting lost.
I have no fear of doing the job wrong. I am making decisions because I know they are right, I don't wait for someone to tell me they are right.
I am a much stronger person.
I will be stronger still once the court case is over.
The remnants of the abuse will never go, but I believe that it will become a much smaller part of who I am. At one point, it was all I was.
Believe in yourselves, for you are the most important people that exist!
Best wishes ...Rik
