Things boys discover

Things boys discover
I have loved reliving these memories through you guys...and also reliving so much through my son who is about to turn 17!
 
When compressed, Fig Newtons make a great projectile weapon.
 
Back in September 2005 Ste started a thread that really helped a lot of us. It was about raising boys and things that we discover as we are growing up. It was fun to look back at some of those moments and just laugh. It was important to me because at that moment, when I was finally planning on disclosing to my parents, I really needed to get back in touch with who I was as a boy. I needed to see I wasn't a worthless empty shell with nothing but pain and shame to my life.

Ste, you have been there for me so many times and I really appreciate it - beyond words. So this one is for you, my friend.

Here is my collected contribution to that hilarious thread. Please feel free to add. And mainly...E N J O Y!!! :)

Things boys discover

1. A bowl of cheerios thrown into a fan is the funniest thing in the world.

2. A car hit by peas from a peashooter can stop in 2.1 seconds.

3. A carp in Mom's washtub can knock the standpipe out.

4. A dead carp starts to smell in 15 minutes.

5. Juice sprayed from trying to crack open your own lobster can hit people at a table 8 feet away.

6. The laundry hamper and the toilet look the same at 3 am.

7. Men's hats (1950s) go all funny when laundry and cleaning supplies are mixed in them.

8. Sisters can be tricked into taking ruined hats to Grandpa as a present.

9. Grandfathers believe girls more than boys.

10. Little sisters think that a nickel is worth more than a dime.

11. Mothers believe girls more than boys.

12. A clove of garlic is just one of those bits, not the whole head.

13. "Add one teaspoon of coffee" means liquid coffee, not coffee grounds.

14. Dads never fall for the water in the gin bottle trick.

15. No neighbors within half a mile of a teenager's house like Jimi Hendrix.

16. Going to a restaurant is especially cool because Dad forgets and leaves money on the table.

17. Sisters will rat you out if you don't share it with them.

18. It is not a good idea to try to leap from a boat to the dock.

19. Docks always have dead fish under them.

20. Docks are never in water less than a mile deep.

21. White underwear goes transparent when it's wet.

22. A girl hitting an egg with a tennis racket...that's the funniest thing in the world!

23. It takes an hour to wash egg out of a girl's blouse by hand.

24. No sister will back you up when you say it was her dog that threw up on the carpet.

25. Colt 45 in a cake mix is disgusting.

26. The minister next door will always be home when your parents are away.

27. When you are stoned, hiding with your friends under the picnic table doesn't make you less conspicuous.

28. Mothers cannot fix dead rabbits squashed on the street outside your house.

29. Girls don't appreciate frogs.

30. Mothers think its funny to sew the legs shut on blue jeans that have been patched 20 times and are just getting comfortable.

31. A girlfriend's mother will not be impressed when you come in from the garden to greet her and walk right into the closed glass patio door.

32. If your mother tells you to plant her bulbs for her and you don't have time to do it, the solution is NOT to dig a hole and bury them.

33. It is bad politics to ask a girlfriend's dad: "Is this film really in color?"

34. You can't run a dishwasher on washing up liquid.

35. There is a reason why jacuzzis don't have sachets of bubble bath close by.

36. When you deposit a dollar in the bank, you don't need to sign the bill so they know which one is yours.

37. If you need your clothes out of the washing machine and need to skip some steps and Mom isn't home for hours, just block the lock mechanism on the top and run the spin cycle with the top of the washing machine open.
I’d also add comic books
 
May have been mentioned, but I'm not reading all 37 pages!

When I was 10 I discovered that wearing cut off jeans and going commando can have dire results!
 
- If you're going down your neighbor's driveway on a toboggan, don't have your mouth open otherwise you'll chip a tooth
- Make sure to hold on tight so you don't fly into the nearby trashcan and also chip a tooth
- Wooden sticks used for instruments should not go inside your mouth
- ...Because you can pop out a tooth (somehow I still have all my adult teeth, haha)
- Automatic toilets are the most terrifying thing ever
- Don't wait until you get home from school to use the bathroom even though toilets are loud
- Soiled clothes smell really bad..
- Teachers and paras know when you're really working, or just pretending to work
- Sensory swings are awesome
- If you're heavy enough and swing with enough force, sensory swings can break and be unusuable
- Scratching your cheek while thinking will not make a hole in it, but the skin will be sore!
- Phineas and Ferb is a cartoon and does not have a live-action giant platypus
- When you swallow gum it won't wrap around your heart/stomach/some other internal organ, but you'll get in trouble with the teacher
- It is very easy to bribe kids with popcorn and candy, unless they're as stubborn as I am (I'll still take the bribe)
- You can your friend's mom to make a stuffed t-rex even more awesome by sewing crochet spikes onto it. Godzilla!
- Pop Tarts are an amazing treat
- Pop Tarts heated up are even more amazing
- Don't walk barefoot on the deck otherwise you'll get a huge splinter in the arch of your foot
- Being held down by your parents while they extract said splinter from your foot is *not* fun
- Don't swing around a PS2 controller in a rage otherwise the cord will hit you
- The same applies to a Wii remote, watch out for the nunchuck
- Always use the Wii remote grip case
- Games of Just Dance can turn violent when you accidentally fling the remote at your friend
 
- If you're going down your neighbor's driveway on a toboggan, don't have your mouth open otherwise you'll chip a tooth
- Make sure to hold on tight so you don't fly into the nearby trashcan and also chip a tooth
- Wooden sticks used for instruments should not go inside your mouth
- ...Because you can pop out a tooth (somehow I still have all my adult teeth, haha)
- Automatic toilets are the most terrifying thing ever
- Don't wait until you get home from school to use the bathroom even though toilets are loud
- Soiled clothes smell really bad..
- Teachers and paras know when you're really working, or just pretending to work
- Sensory swings are awesome
- If you're heavy enough and swing with enough force, sensory swings can break and be unusuable
- Scratching your cheek while thinking will not make a hole in it, but the skin will be sore!
- Phineas and Ferb is a cartoon and does not have a live-action giant platypus
- When you swallow gum it won't wrap around your heart/stomach/some other internal organ, but you'll get in trouble with the teacher
- It is very easy to bribe kids with popcorn and candy, unless they're as stubborn as I am (I'll still take the bribe)
- You can your friend's mom to make a stuffed t-rex even more awesome by sewing crochet spikes onto it. Godzilla!
- Pop Tarts are an amazing treat
- Pop Tarts heated up are even more amazing
- Don't walk barefoot on the deck otherwise you'll get a huge splinter in the arch of your foot
- Being held down by your parents while they extract said splinter from your foot is *not* fun
- Don't swing around a PS2 controller in a rage otherwise the cord will hit you
- The same applies to a Wii remote, watch out for the nunchuck
- Always use the Wii remote grip case
- Games of Just Dance can turn violent when you accidentally fling the remote at your friend
I have no idea who Phineas and Ferb are, but I once dreamt of a giant platypus that was trying to bite me. I've been told that I have strange dreams.
I don't like automatic toilets, either. They flush while I'm still sitting on them. One little move, and whoosh.
 
I have no idea who Phineas and Ferb are, but I once dreamt of a giant platypus that was trying to bite me. I've been told that I have strange dreams.
I don't like automatic toilets, either. They flush while I'm still sitting on them. One little move, and whoosh.
lol
 
When I was 10 I discovered that wearing cut off jeans and going commando can have dire results!
I can attest to that

A lot of kids used to put pennies on railroad tracks to squash them and keep as a souvenir to show their parents that they do have brains
My friend and I took that to the next level and did 2 pennies,2 nickels, 2 dimes, 2 quarters, and two 1/2 dollars. we went to our parents and showed them what we did with our own money. both my stepmother and friend's mother said the same thing - we don't have any brains
 
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