Things boys discover

chairdesklamp

Registrant
When you catch that cool bug and decide to keep him as a pet, poke airholes in the lid of the jar.

Do not just throw a lump of Velveeta and pour a bunch of water in the jar, either. That's not how to feed him.

Do not use that doctor kit to tell your granma your dad's dying when he has a cold. Granparents don't find that fun playtime.

Don't make your dad's tchotchkes fight your superhero figures. They will break.

Here's to all the lizards whose tails I snipped in high school to get back at my s*itty half-sister by sticking down the back of her shirt that day at the pool. Thanks for not biting me or anything.
 

SubtleStuff

Registrant
Throwing snowballs at front doors will always result in your mother opening the door after the snowball has left your hand.


The snowball will always hit her in the face.
 
Letting the hand brake off of the car will really get you attention. The type you don't want. The car rolled out of the car port down over a rock wall across a yard and hit the neighbours brand new car.

Esterio
 

bigman883

Registrant
that you are NOT Evel Knievel, and that no matter how FAST you go you are NOT going to make the jump down the stairs from the second to the first floor...
 

BigV

Registrant
That a three man sling shot, composed of medical tubing and ply-board, and held by two boys, while one loads and fires, can launch a water balloon several hundred feet from a hill top onto one very irate neighbors roof top.
 

Napoleon

Registrant
BigV said:
That a three man sling shot, composed of medical tubing and ply-board, and held by two boys, while one loads and fires, can launch a water balloon several hundred feet from a hill top onto one very irate neighbors roof top.
Said Contraption can roll during launch: and launch said balloon at high velocity into your testicles.
 

Gistin

Registrant
Where does the music come from inside my radio?
I took apart the batteries inside, nope no music in there, but the acid does eat holes in your jeans and burns the fingers.
 
Even though it looks cool in National Geographic trying to use a ring clip intended to hold pieces of paper to add a ring to your nose will likely generate a great deal of warm blood...

Putting a kitten in the refrigerator is not the best place to hide it...

Removing all the screws from the inside of the car door will certainly cause the innards to fall out when the door is opened...
 
Setting off a rocket inside an old barn with bales of straw in it, after dark(or any time)....to see if it will go through the roof...is not a good idea! Also, don't rig said rocket with two engines(for extra power). It will not go through the roof, but it will ricochet around that barn for what seems forever, it will make your run for your life... watching the rocket light up that barn(as it ricocheted around the inside) from the safety of outside did have it's "WOW" factor for a few moments...until the realization of "flames" from a rocket engine + straw = burning straw = burned down wooden barn came into the realization of "maybe this wasn't a good idea")...we looked at each other...terrified, that realization made for a sleepless night(gladly nothing caught on fire.

In retrospect in writing the above experience...so many things were wrong...I wonder: how did we think that putting a hole in someone's buildings roof would be somehow "ok"? We had thought about the "fire" from the rocket engine...as I remember "clearing" the straw away from the "launch site"...apparently we were convinced that the rocket would go through the roof...as we didn't "think" about what would happen if it didn't. So, so wrong.

Peeing on and electric fence because your older brother dared you...leaves you in pain and him laughing.

When your mother asks "how was the sledding"...don't tell her it was "slicker than shit"...because that same older brother said it...will still earn you a bar of soap. Also, don't hand her dish soap...because you think you can just swallow it. Not only can you not just rinse your mouth out afterwards...but you'll be tasting it and bubbles will be coming out of your mouth for a long time.

When you drop a fire cracker in a "coke bottle", filled with pee...make sure the coke bottle is not directly under the eave of a small shed. There were three of us. Of course we all had to participate. We dropped the fire crackers in at the "same time". When the fire crackers exploded...the water shot straight up...I(at least) in fractions of a second...looked up, only to have pee drench all three of us. We all screamed and ran to the pool and jumped in clothes and all. Why didn't we use "pool water"?

While helping your father fix the brakes on a tractor...make sure you only press on the pedal when he tells you to. Although it may make you laugh(hysterically) at the sight of his face being covered with black oil(for the rest of your life)...he won't think its so funny.

Greg
 
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Long Way Home

Registrant
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Back in September 2005 Ste started a thread that really helped a lot of us. It was about raising boys and things that we discover as we are growing up. It was fun to look back at some of those moments and just laugh. It was important to me because at that moment, when I was finally planning on disclosing to my parents, I really needed to get back in touch with who I was as a boy. I needed to see I wasn't a worthless empty shell with nothing but pain and shame to my life.

Ste, you have been there for me so many times and I really appreciate it - beyond words. So this one is for you, my friend.

Here is my collected contribution to that hilarious thread. Please feel free to add. And mainly...E N J O Y!!! :)

Things boys discover
The woods were magical. My neighborhood was new but very quiet with many wooded lots. I would explore them as a five year old with wonder. What secrets did they hold? During the fall I would jump in a pile of leaves and just stare up at the trees and wonder about the world. I was a strange kid I guess. I also didn't mind being alone.
 

JethroTull

Registrant
Going to primary, (first grade) school with a wild non venomous snake in your coat pockets does not win you friends in the class room.

Going around the house at five in the morning emptying drinks glasses from your parents party the night before, makes telling your teacher why a five year old boy can’t attend his very first day at school very difficult.

A jar of liquid mercury, from an old blood press checker may be fun to play with, but the fun goes away very quickly when you smash the jar in the playground ( school yard) even if the mercury doesn’t.
 

tony passey

Registrant
Back in September 2005 Ste started a thread that really helped a lot of us. It was about raising boys and things that we discover as we are growing up. It was fun to look back at some of those moments and just laugh. It was important to me because at that moment, when I was finally planning on disclosing to my parents, I really needed to get back in touch with who I was as a boy. I needed to see I wasn't a worthless empty shell with nothing but pain and shame to my life.

Ste, you have been there for me so many times and I really appreciate it - beyond words. So this one is for you, my friend.

Here is my collected contribution to that hilarious thread. Please feel free to add. And mainly...E N J O Y!!! :)

Things boys discover

1. A bowl of cheerios thrown into a fan is the funniest thing in the world.

2. A car hit by peas from a peashooter can stop in 2.1 seconds.

3. A carp in Mom's washtub can knock the standpipe out.

4. A dead carp starts to smell in 15 minutes.

5. Juice sprayed from trying to crack open your own lobster can hit people at a table 8 feet away.

6. The laundry hamper and the toilet look the same at 3 am.

7. Men's hats (1950s) go all funny when laundry and cleaning supplies are mixed in them.

8. Sisters can be tricked into taking ruined hats to Grandpa as a present.

9. Grandfathers believe girls more than boys.

10. Little sisters think that a nickel is worth more than a dime.

11. Mothers believe girls more than boys.

12. A clove of garlic is just one of those bits, not the whole head.

13. "Add one teaspoon of coffee" means liquid coffee, not coffee grounds.

14. Dads never fall for the water in the gin bottle trick.

15. No neighbors within half a mile of a teenager's house like Jimi Hendrix.

16. Going to a restaurant is especially cool because Dad forgets and leaves money on the table.

17. Sisters will rat you out if you don't share it with them.

18. It is not a good idea to try to leap from a boat to the dock.

19. Docks always have dead fish under them.

20. Docks are never in water less than a mile deep.

21. White underwear goes transparent when it's wet.

22. A girl hitting an egg with a tennis racket...that's the funniest thing in the world!

23. It takes an hour to wash egg out of a girl's blouse by hand.

24. No sister will back you up when you say it was her dog that threw up on the carpet.

25. Colt 45 in a cake mix is disgusting.

26. The minister next door will always be home when your parents are away.

27. When you are stoned, hiding with your friends under the picnic table doesn't make you less conspicuous.

28. Mothers cannot fix dead rabbits squashed on the street outside your house.

29. Girls don't appreciate frogs.

30. Mothers think its funny to sew the legs shut on blue jeans that have been patched 20 times and are just getting comfortable.

31. A girlfriend's mother will not be impressed when you come in from the garden to greet her and walk right into the closed glass patio door.

32. If your mother tells you to plant her bulbs for her and you don't have time to do it, the solution is NOT to dig a hole and bury them.

33. It is bad politics to ask a girlfriend's dad: "Is this film really in color?"

34. You can't run a dishwasher on washing up liquid.

35. There is a reason why jacuzzis don't have sachets of bubble bath close by.

36. When you deposit a dollar in the bank, you don't need to sign the bill so they know which one is yours.

37. If you need your clothes out of the washing machine and need to skip some steps and Mom isn't home for hours, just block the lock mechanism on the top and run the spin cycle with the top of the washing machine open.
Are you looking for affirmations of these statements or slightly humorous responses from someone who was a grown up at 12 after 6 yrs of buggery?
 

tony passey

Registrant
Taking it in your stride not his is powerful and more motivating
Abusers love us looking for answers coz they asked no questions. Demands should be met with supply but child abuse isn’t an economical subject. I get great satisfaction out of the fact that my abuser has to supply explanations. He never explained it to me!!!!!!!
 

tony passey

Registrant
I discovered that men who dress as women are inherently WRONG . But then I was systematically raped most Fridays after cubs by a drag queen.So I may have bias
 
If you take a late 1970s-style "pistol" hair dryer and put it under the water faucet while the water is running, pointed down so the water runs straight through the "barrel" of the dryer, and then turn the dryer on, it will not "dry" the water and cause it to disappear. It will, however, create a huge blue flash. And a bewildered mother when she tries to use her mysteriously non-functional hair dryer the next morning.
 
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