Things boys discover


When you catch that cool bug and decide to keep him as a pet, poke airholes in the lid of the jar.

Do not just throw a lump of Velveeta and pour a bunch of water in the jar, either. That's not how to feed him.

Do not use that doctor kit to tell your granma your dad's dying when he has a cold. Granparents don't find that fun playtime.

Don't make your dad's tchotchkes fight your superhero figures. They will break.

Here's to all the lizards whose tails I snipped in high school to get back at my s*itty half-sister by sticking down the back of her shirt that day at the pool. Thanks for not biting me or anything.
Throwing snowballs at front doors will always result in your mother opening the door after the snowball has left your hand.

The snowball will always hit her in the face.
Letting the hand brake off of the car will really get you attention. The type you don't want. The car rolled out of the car port down over a rock wall across a yard and hit the neighbours brand new car.



that you are NOT Evel Knievel, and that no matter how FAST you go you are NOT going to make the jump down the stairs from the second to the first floor...


That a three man sling shot, composed of medical tubing and ply-board, and held by two boys, while one loads and fires, can launch a water balloon several hundred feet from a hill top onto one very irate neighbors roof top.


BigV said:
That a three man sling shot, composed of medical tubing and ply-board, and held by two boys, while one loads and fires, can launch a water balloon several hundred feet from a hill top onto one very irate neighbors roof top.
Said Contraption can roll during launch: and launch said balloon at high velocity into your testicles.
Where does the music come from inside my radio?
I took apart the batteries inside, nope no music in there, but the acid does eat holes in your jeans and burns the fingers.
Even though it looks cool in National Geographic trying to use a ring clip intended to hold pieces of paper to add a ring to your nose will likely generate a great deal of warm blood...

Putting a kitten in the refrigerator is not the best place to hide it...

Removing all the screws from the inside of the car door will certainly cause the innards to fall out when the door is opened...
Setting off a rocket inside an old barn with bales of straw in it, after dark(or any time) see if it will go through the not a good idea! Also, don't rig said rocket with two engines(for extra power). It will not go through the roof, but it will ricochet around that barn for what seems forever, it will make your run for your life... watching the rocket light up that barn(as it ricocheted around the inside) from the safety of outside did have it's "WOW" factor for a few moments...until the realization of "flames" from a rocket engine + straw = burning straw = burned down wooden barn came into the realization of "maybe this wasn't a good idea")...we looked at each other...terrified, that realization made for a sleepless night(gladly nothing caught on fire.

In retrospect in writing the above many things were wrong...I wonder: how did we think that putting a hole in someone's buildings roof would be somehow "ok"? We had thought about the "fire" from the rocket I remember "clearing" the straw away from the "launch site"...apparently we were convinced that the rocket would go through the we didn't "think" about what would happen if it didn't. So, so wrong.

Peeing on and electric fence because your older brother dared you...leaves you in pain and him laughing.

When your mother asks "how was the sledding"...don't tell her it was "slicker than shit"...because that same older brother said it...will still earn you a bar of soap. Also, don't hand her dish soap...because you think you can just swallow it. Not only can you not just rinse your mouth out afterwards...but you'll be tasting it and bubbles will be coming out of your mouth for a long time.

When you drop a fire cracker in a "coke bottle", filled with pee...make sure the coke bottle is not directly under the eave of a small shed. There were three of us. Of course we all had to participate. We dropped the fire crackers in at the "same time". When the fire crackers exploded...the water shot straight up...I(at least) in fractions of a second...looked up, only to have pee drench all three of us. We all screamed and ran to the pool and jumped in clothes and all. Why didn't we use "pool water"?

While helping your father fix the brakes on a tractor...make sure you only press on the pedal when he tells you to. Although it may make you laugh(hysterically) at the sight of his face being covered with black oil(for the rest of your life)...he won't think its so funny.

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Long Way Home

Back in September 2005 Ste started a thread that really helped a lot of us. It was about raising boys and things that we discover as we are growing up. It was fun to look back at some of those moments and just laugh. It was important to me because at that moment, when I was finally planning on disclosing to my parents, I really needed to get back in touch with who I was as a boy. I needed to see I wasn't a worthless empty shell with nothing but pain and shame to my life.

Ste, you have been there for me so many times and I really appreciate it - beyond words. So this one is for you, my friend.

Here is my collected contribution to that hilarious thread. Please feel free to add. And mainly...E N J O Y!!! :)

Things boys discover
The woods were magical. My neighborhood was new but very quiet with many wooded lots. I would explore them as a five year old with wonder. What secrets did they hold? During the fall I would jump in a pile of leaves and just stare up at the trees and wonder about the world. I was a strange kid I guess. I also didn't mind being alone.