Things boys discover


Back in September 2005 Ste started a thread that really helped a lot of us. It was about raising boys and things that we discover as we are growing up. It was fun to look back at some of those moments and just laugh. It was important to me because at that moment, when I was finally planning on disclosing to my parents, I really needed to get back in touch with who I was as a boy. I needed to see I wasn't a worthless empty shell with nothing but pain and shame to my life.

Ste, you have been there for me so many times and I really appreciate it - beyond words. So this one is for you, my friend.

Here is my collected contribution to that hilarious thread. Please feel free to add. And mainly...E N J O Y!!! :)

Things boys discover

1. A bowl of cheerios thrown into a fan is the funniest thing in the world.

2. A car hit by peas from a peashooter can stop in 2.1 seconds.

3. A carp in Mom's washtub can knock the standpipe out.

4. A dead carp starts to smell in 15 minutes.

5. Juice sprayed from trying to crack open your own lobster can hit people at a table 8 feet away.

6. The laundry hamper and the toilet look the same at 3 am.

7. Men's hats (1950s) go all funny when laundry and cleaning supplies are mixed in them.

8. Sisters can be tricked into taking ruined hats to Grandpa as a present.

9. Grandfathers believe girls more than boys.

10. Little sisters think that a nickel is worth more than a dime.

11. Mothers believe girls more than boys.

12. A clove of garlic is just one of those bits, not the whole head.

13. "Add one teaspoon of coffee" means liquid coffee, not coffee grounds.

14. Dads never fall for the water in the gin bottle trick.

15. No neighbors within half a mile of a teenager's house like Jimi Hendrix.

16. Going to a restaurant is especially cool because Dad forgets and leaves money on the table.

17. Sisters will rat you out if you don't share it with them.

18. It is not a good idea to try to leap from a boat to the dock.

19. Docks always have dead fish under them.

20. Docks are never in water less than a mile deep.

21. White underwear goes transparent when it's wet.

22. A girl hitting an egg with a tennis racket...that's the funniest thing in the world!

23. It takes an hour to wash egg out of a girl's blouse by hand.

24. No sister will back you up when you say it was her dog that threw up on the carpet.

25. Colt 45 in a cake mix is disgusting.

26. The minister next door will always be home when your parents are away.

27. When you are stoned, hiding with your friends under the picnic table doesn't make you less conspicuous.

28. Mothers cannot fix dead rabbits squashed on the street outside your house.

29. Girls don't appreciate frogs.

30. Mothers think its funny to sew the legs shut on blue jeans that have been patched 20 times and are just getting comfortable.

31. A girlfriend's mother will not be impressed when you come in from the garden to greet her and walk right into the closed glass patio door.

32. If your mother tells you to plant her bulbs for her and you don't have time to do it, the solution is NOT to dig a hole and bury them.

33. It is bad politics to ask a girlfriend's dad: "Is this film really in color?"

34. You can't run a dishwasher on washing up liquid.

35. There is a reason why jacuzzis don't have sachets of bubble bath close by.

36. When you deposit a dollar in the bank, you don't need to sign the bill so they know which one is yours.

37. If you need your clothes out of the washing machine and need to skip some steps and Mom isn't home for hours, just block the lock mechanism on the top and run the spin cycle with the top of the washing machine open.


38. "calling the owners to tell them" is not a good reason to bring a dead frozen cat into the house.

39. Telling your Dad's friends "all the times you got away with something" is not that funny to your Dad.

40. Dad's will have strokes when they catch you putting on make-up and you ask him if you look like a girl.

41. Female relatives don't think it's funny when they find one of your toys and it turns out to be your 3 year old dead ghecko.

42. Your Mom's spiral dispenser in her drawer is NOT a new kind of Pez dispenser.


roadrunner said:
2. A car hit by peas from a peashooter can stop in 2.1 seconds.

When we were kids we got tired of throwing snowballs at cars and decided to throw handfuls of rocks. And we did it right in my parents' front yard. And hit the next door neighbour's car. His window was open.

We weren't the brightest kids.



melliferal said:
43. VCRs will accept peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, just like real videotapes.

44. VCRs will NOT eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches just like real videotapes.

Aha!!!!!! But will a VCR play a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

Much experimenting,


melliferal said:
I don't think I ever tried - in any case, too late now; I don't have a VCR. It's not too late to try and find out if a DVD player will play a pancake, though...

Hey, I remember thinking about that one: would a record player play a pancake? But I never followed through on that one, what a pity. Guess I will never know.

But back to the VCR: what about a burrito??? :D

Much creativity,


WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shado
cool post,when i read the title i came up with a whole list of things ,im glad the ones here are so cool


WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shado
a superman shirt and a table cloth will not enable you to fly when you jump off the garage roof!


shadow, i still have a scar on my knee from that one. but i wasnt as bold as you. i just jumped off the sandbox.

Morning Star

45. Mom can always tell when you've had icecream in the school, your shirt always does give away the secret.

46. Black leather shoes are not meant for playing football in the rains, they make that froggy sound while walking back from the school, and smell funny afterwards.

47. It is not good idea to pick your nose in public, though grown ups never care themselves.

48. You are not supposed to laugh when an old uncle farts, in public.

49. Help your elder brother select his clothes, afterall they are gonna come to you.

50. Never tell mom, why dad forgot to bring all the stuff she asked for, from the market. She would never know that he went there.

51. Always take care while zipping up.

52. Never hope that you can fart quietly this time.

53. When you gotta go, you better go.


If you pee on radiators, it REALLY smells when they come on.


54. The answer to the "I wonder if it will hurt if...." questions is always "YES!"

55. If you don't know what a word means, don't ask in front of company.


Morning Star said:
52. Never hope that you can fart quietly this time.

...especially not in church.


Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Was feeling very low this morning, and this made me smile.


reality2k4 said:
By that time the boy is clean away :blush:

That's what we hoped!!!! But we were hiding under an empty box that my grandmother's new washing machine had been delivered in. We just turned it over upside down on top of ourselves, and poked a few holes so we could see passing cars and stick our peashooters out. When the car stopped, we were trapped under a heavy box!

Much sudden claustrophobia,