There are no accidents? Trying to figure this out.

There are no accidents? Trying to figure this out.
E

Em

Registrant
I've been struggling with this question. Are there really no accidents?

The events that led up to my recovery, and all of the events since that time, 4 weeks ago, have seemed to be meant to be. Coincidences, doors opening, things revealed, everything seems as thought it was meant to happen just when it was supposed to happen.

I've heard wise people say to me, there are no accidents. I would like to believe this, it seems to be true. But then i have to ask myself, does that mean the abuse that I experienced when I was a child was alos no accident.

I'm really stuck on this question. I need to have an answer to continue my progress. I'm not sure there is an answer. Your thoughts and opinions would be most helpful.

Thanks,

Em
 
em,
i have looked back over my life many times. there were times when things were so far in the toilet that there was no need to flush, if you catch my drift. during that cruise with the tidy bowl man i was not able to see anything but the hell iwas going through. in the past year there have been so many back to back tidy bowl sub dives that it was very overwhelming, however, just when it was supposed to end something, somewhere always happened to pull me out of the bowl...every single time! are there any such things as accidents? in my experience, no. i know what i refer to this as, but that is my personal journey and will not be forced onto anyone else. the point is that i feel as though i have been led to each step that i have taken not to take the inevitable dive into tidy bowl land, but because things of the past and my own choices have put me there...but something always saved me at the last moment. there were several time in the last few years when i literally should have died, but i lived. i have survived for a reason and will continue to do so even against my stupid choices i sometimes make until what was given to me to do is finally done. for me there are no accidents. take care, em, and thank you for starting this thread and reminding me of the good that has happened.
 
Em,

The saying, Shit Happens , is a load of bull. Shit doens't just happen, it is Allowed to happen.

Your abuse was not just shit that happened, it was allowed to happen. Your perp(s)allowed it to happen , not you.

Bill
 
em,
forgive me i think i overlooked your real question trying to respond to the first part of your post. bill is correct. our perps did what they did by twisted choice, not accident of wrong place wrong time. you were and are innocent of any responsibility in what happened. people make choices, some of those people make evil choices. i think flukes do happen in nature, but human behavior is about choice of those able to make choices. if one is not able to make a choice, such as a child or defenseless innocent, then the perp is the sole cause. this is similar to that nonesense by some idiots that a women wearing something attractive or revealing "deserves" or is "just asking for it". victims do not go out looking to be victimized by choice or desire...perps go out looking for victims.
 
Em, English is my second language, so I am not so sure of my definitions and such. But to my mind, 'accident' is something unintentional, something unexpected and unprepared for. Well, I think that the people who have abused us and caused problems for us were doing something quite intentional at the time. It is not like someone trips over something, falls and 'accidentally' sexually abuses someone in that process, yes?

One thing I do try to think of though, is that there is reason this happened to ME, instead of my neighbor, or friend at school or some other child. Maybe it happened to me because God or whoever knew I could survive it. And perhaps the neighbor boy or school friend could not have, or would have turned into a bad, evil murdering person or some such thing. Whatever supreme creature there is felt I had strength enough, and luck enough to find people who would help me, to deal with this.

Leosha
 
Em,

They say that we start to heal only when we're ready. The "accidents" and "coincidences" that you discovered leading you to heal might be a 20/20 hindsight view. When you were ready to heal, you were ready. Things preceding that seemed to be preparation because in their way, they were.

No perp accidently abuses someone. A man I trusted raped me when I was 16. I never forgot that it happened, though I'm surprised at the gaps in the memories of the individual experiences now. That relationship was what eventually brought me here, and got me started in therapy. Yet that sexual abuse I suffered as an adolescent was icing on the cake (poor metaphor, but you know what I mean) after the years of abuse, sexual and otherwise, that were "preparation" for my meeting that perp. By the time he found me, I was just what he was looking for.

Those weren't accidents in the years before, either. They were actions by people who should have made better choices, healthier choices for themselves and for me.

Someone chose to hurt a child.

Joe
 
EM,Lets say someone decides to break the law of gravity.to prove he can he jumps off the empire state building.when he hits the concrete below the consequence is death for trying to break the law.the law of gravity is still intact,he just broke himelf,not the law.there are laws of human nature that are intact.when people break them the result is no accident.SA victims are the innocent people walking on the sidewalk and get hit by the low life defying the law and satisfying their own whims.Perps could care less about moral law,civil or any other law because when they break it we have to pay.it is no accident why we suffer.//////////faceinthetruth
 
It seems to me that there are accidents all the time. Big ones, little ones, meaningless ones, life-changing ones.

All the time.

Ever made a plan, a rock solid, flawless plan, and then something, some accidental occurence, screws it all up?

Or forget plans. Ever been going about your business, and something happens. Something that you had no control over and couldn't prevent? Something that would have happened whether you were there or not?

Sure, what happened could be the consequence of a whole string of things that happened before, staring with the Big Bang, but who could figure that out?

Trying to figure out the reasons or the cause for everything that happens or happened is a)impossible, and b) will drive you mad.

Saying there are no accidents seems presumptious to me. I take it to mean that the person saying it just can't accept any level of uncertainty or the possibility of a random act or random occurrance.

So they ascribe everything, and anything at all to some pre-existing plan, they give it, in their mind, a reason, sometimes even a purpose.

Or they're just playing word games. They call an accident something else, so they can believe that even if they don't have control, something, or someone did.

Which, in fairness could be true. But while it could have been an "accident" that you were in a certain place at a certain time, and thus were victimized, it is not true that what happened to you was an accident.

Like Leosha said, it was a deliberate, intentional act that harmed you. But the fact that it was you could be "an accident", a random event.

Don't cofuse these two, or make them the same thing.
 
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