Therapy
Therapy
- Thread starterLoneWolfX
- Start date
Dan99
Registrant
You could look at all the factors in my abuse and give it a score and maybe you'd say I was 6 on a scale of 1 to 10 and you were a 7. But it doesn't always correlate to how it effects us.
If you had milder effects, congratulations. But I'm sure there's plenty of misery to go around.
Regarding nightmares, I had my first one when I was nearly 50. My major symptoms early on were crying spells. And mild dissociation under stress.
I'd talk to your therapist about what you see as a lack of progress. Maybe its time for a break? Or maybe time for a new therapist? I'm convinced that we address issues as we're ready, and you can only push yourself so fast.
Good luck with it.
If you had milder effects, congratulations. But I'm sure there's plenty of misery to go around.
Regarding nightmares, I had my first one when I was nearly 50. My major symptoms early on were crying spells. And mild dissociation under stress.
I'd talk to your therapist about what you see as a lack of progress. Maybe its time for a break? Or maybe time for a new therapist? I'm convinced that we address issues as we're ready, and you can only push yourself so fast.
Good luck with it.
I really don't think that we can break it down like you mentioned. I don't feel that there is a scale that you can place yourself. Abuse affects everyone differently. Some people can be abused...and yet somehow cope with it and live a "normal type life". Others don't have this capability. I used to try to "grade" my abuse with others. This really didn't make sense and wasn't helpful.
How we deal with our own abuse is what matters. Not just recounting the events, but recounting them with the emotions attached to them does matter.
much love
Greg
How we deal with our own abuse is what matters. Not just recounting the events, but recounting them with the emotions attached to them does matter.
much love
Greg
Only you can decide how to break it down. To break it down means digging into yourself. How to find oneself is personal and different for each of us. Greg56 is right it is not just recounting the events but rather delving into our emotions, denials to the abuse. To have the life you deserve you need to take on the process of healing. None of us can tell you the path that is right for you to heal. Open up, share and learn to love yourself.
Kevin
Kevin
SubtleStuff
Registrant
Hi LoneWolfx,
I hope this helps.
Cheers,
S
The stuff that seems most likely connected to the abuse I endured is mirrored quite closely by the triggers I experience in social settings. They seem to be a mix of very early childhood abandonment and later sexual abuse. I too often feel like my reactions to the abuse are different than most. I sense that the abuse I endured was also different than the norm i.e. There was no physical component to it at all (subtle and covert). It came primarily through my mother.LoneWolfX said:
For me, therapy helps me heal. If I'm enjoying my life, then it (and a number of other healing modalities I use) have done their work. Therapy is about cleaning up the past so it no longer dominates my present. Once that's done, it's role is complete.LoneWolfX said:
I hope this helps.
Cheers,
S
LONE wOLFx
what does the facing up to the abuse mean? It means experiencing the emotions of the abusive events. It also means experiencing todays emotions when your memories or traumas are re felt.
When I was 12 my mother had me get naked so her friend the photographer could take pictures. I was embarrassed by my erection. But I still don't know how I felt about my mother.
I certainly think she used me and did not take my well being into account. When my mother had him come over the house to care for me when I was sick, and he licked my nipples, told me how greeks sucked each others dicks, etc. And All I could thnk about his behavior was that I was prostituting myself, cause I needed him to take my valentine to the post office.
Did my mother intend for me to do this. Did I have a right to protect myself? Am I allowed to expect anything better or am I just a piece of unconcieved shit who deserves no better. Or am I able to accept that I am not worthless.
That is just part of what I have to examine with my therapist.
what does the facing up to the abuse mean? It means experiencing the emotions of the abusive events. It also means experiencing todays emotions when your memories or traumas are re felt.
When I was 12 my mother had me get naked so her friend the photographer could take pictures. I was embarrassed by my erection. But I still don't know how I felt about my mother.
I certainly think she used me and did not take my well being into account. When my mother had him come over the house to care for me when I was sick, and he licked my nipples, told me how greeks sucked each others dicks, etc. And All I could thnk about his behavior was that I was prostituting myself, cause I needed him to take my valentine to the post office.
Did my mother intend for me to do this. Did I have a right to protect myself? Am I allowed to expect anything better or am I just a piece of unconcieved shit who deserves no better. Or am I able to accept that I am not worthless.
That is just part of what I have to examine with my therapist.
Chris4TheMill
Registrant
LWX,
Greg and Kevin are right about the need to feel the emotions from the events and to fully connect to them. Not just in your mind or thinking, but in your soul. In your gut. You have to go through that pain to get past it. Otherwise it stays there under the surface and will not leave. It isn't a pretty process.
It isn't linear. Writing about the events is what helped me get in touch with the emotions. There is something about the writing that helps your mind connect with the buried emotions. Don't dare do it without support though - therapist, group. MS, trusted friend, anyone that will help you through it.
Try to do any processing away from people if at all possible, like in your bedroom or something.
No need to try to push it or force it though. Go at your own pace.
The writing should just trigger it, but you can start and stop as needed.
Hope something in any of the replies to your post will help.
Best,
Chris
Greg and Kevin are right about the need to feel the emotions from the events and to fully connect to them. Not just in your mind or thinking, but in your soul. In your gut. You have to go through that pain to get past it. Otherwise it stays there under the surface and will not leave. It isn't a pretty process.
It isn't linear. Writing about the events is what helped me get in touch with the emotions. There is something about the writing that helps your mind connect with the buried emotions. Don't dare do it without support though - therapist, group. MS, trusted friend, anyone that will help you through it.
Try to do any processing away from people if at all possible, like in your bedroom or something.
No need to try to push it or force it though. Go at your own pace.
The writing should just trigger it, but you can start and stop as needed.
Hope something in any of the replies to your post will help.
Best,
Chris
SubtleStuff
Registrant
Hi LoneWolfX,
I like this idea too. I'm currently watching a series on Trauma Healing hosted by Sounds True (https://www.soundstrue.com/store/healing-trauma-summit/free-access-c). Gabor Mate, in his talk, mentioned that trauma is a narrowing of experience. In my case, avoiding feeling pain is a very strong pattern and stops me from protecting myself. Therapy is a great way to recover the part of myself that is capable of feeling the pain.
Cheers,
S
Chris4TheMill said:
I like this idea too. I'm currently watching a series on Trauma Healing hosted by Sounds True (https://www.soundstrue.com/store/healing-trauma-summit/free-access-c). Gabor Mate, in his talk, mentioned that trauma is a narrowing of experience. In my case, avoiding feeling pain is a very strong pattern and stops me from protecting myself. Therapy is a great way to recover the part of myself that is capable of feeling the pain.
Cheers,
S
LoneWolfX,
It's so unfair to your essence to try and measure your trauma. It's not the event, it's what happened inside of you. What is truly forgettable to someone under certain circumstances can be life altering to another guy. It's not a measure of the persons constitution. There are no formulas, there are no wrong answers, just honest feelings.
P.S. I heard Gabor Mate on a Tim Ferris podcast https://tim.blog/2018/02/20/gabor-mate/
I've been in therapy on and off for 37 years. I have no intention of stopping.
It's so unfair to your essence to try and measure your trauma. It's not the event, it's what happened inside of you. What is truly forgettable to someone under certain circumstances can be life altering to another guy. It's not a measure of the persons constitution. There are no formulas, there are no wrong answers, just honest feelings.
P.S. I heard Gabor Mate on a Tim Ferris podcast https://tim.blog/2018/02/20/gabor-mate/
I've been in therapy on and off for 37 years. I have no intention of stopping.
