therapy struggles

[bec]

hello men:

in a number of hours i will attend my first therapy session in a while. i am an adult survivor who greatly struggles with a number of problems in my life. i know i need therapy but it is a difficult thing for me to do.

i have a very hard time trusting anyone including a therapist. i have been in therapy before a couple times with mixed results.

while journaling earlier i asked myself: why am i so afraid of therapy? i replied: 'i am afraid of emotionally breaking down in front of the therapist', 'he will try to hurt me while i am vulnerable', and 'i am afraid of the cost of therapy'. money is tight for me right now and the cost of therapy can add up.

i told myself that we must show up and do our best to be brave and honest with the therapist. to tell him about our difficulty with trust.

i know that i need help. this i am certain of. i am not willing to go back on medication. i do not trust it.

i have been diagnosed with clinical depression and have not received treatment for it in some years. i just have been struggling through it alone.

i cant bring myself to exercise regularly. i just dont have the energy or discipline to stick with it. so, therapy appears the only route to help.

if i can after the therapy session i will return to this site and post again or enter the chatroom for support. that is all men. i pray that all will go well with therapy. sincerely,


bec

 

[Sinking]

Bec - Good for you for conjuring the strength to move ahead with therapy. I had a HUGE trust issue with my therapist when we started out, now I trust her more than anyone in the world, truly. She already had a great deal of experience with survivors and was well aware of the trust issues most of us have. I hope your therapist is similarly experienced and is aware of trust issues. I too had tried therapy a couple of times before, with disastrous results. Maybe third time is a charm?

It took several months until trust was no longer an issue. She took my lead in what I wanted to address. And, while I look to her as the professional, I also hold onto some control in that room. You can too. Remember that the therapist works for you. Ultimately, YOU are in charge. You are a man now, one who can say no to uncomfortable or inappropriate situations. Once we got past the trust issues, we began to sail. I'm seeing her tomorrow, we've been working together for about a year and a half and my life has changed tremendously in that time. I applaud your commitment to help yourself by going and I'll cheer you on from here.

PS If it will help at all with your trust issues, most states have a website where you can check to see if a therapist has been disciplined. I can help steer you to your state's website if you can't find in on your own, please PM me if I can be of help. Good Luck!!! And good going!!! Peace - John

 

[Don-NY]

Bec,

I don't go to chat, so please post here and let us know how it went.

Exercise is a good way to fight depression, it helped me a great deal. I started with just a daily walk.

Actually, I started to feel really depressed when my job changed from one where I walked several miles (YES, miles - in a 435,000 square foot building) to one where I was desk-bound for 8 hours.

It took a while for me to see the connection, but when I did, just walking for a while after work really helped - I also got some light hand weights and made it a point to use them for something like shadow-boxing every night, like when I watched the news.

Anyway, let us (OK, let me) know how it went.

Donald