Therapy Rant!

[MSUser2024]

This is more a rant I guess.
I was so desperate for relief when I found MS. I thank all for being here and giving me the best advice I’ve gotten yet and something I would have never considered on my own. Go to therapy! Thank you everyone!
I was lucky and able to get in with a pretty good therapist. I needed relief and I’m not one to mince words but I knew I couldn’t say them. On my first visit a went in with basically a print off of my account in the survivor stories. After a few minutes of general hello I said I’m in distress and I want to get down to business. I handed her the paper and she began reading. I’m not a time waster, I want solution’s. We had a good session and I’ve continued to go back. I’ve been able to work through the issue of talking about it.
However, I find that sessions have developed into more of a conversation on weekly or family nonsense. I knew from the beginning that she wasn’t a trauma therapist but was what was available and I’ve felt comfortable.
I’ve tried to bring up issues regarding sexuality “although not in an assertive way” but it hasn’t been addressed.
I’m not sure I can have the strength to share with a different therapist.
I would appreciate any feedback. Peace Billy

 

[LittleSteve]

This is what I see you saying ,I need a trauma therapist who deals with child sexual abuse is a specialist. You’ve gone to you could say as a family doctor rather than a specialist, she’s not equipped to deal with what you wanna talk about. So what does that mean in reality, and this is not a knock against her at all, but it would be like asking your family Dr to do surgery, they’re just not prepared for it. They don’t have the right skills they don’t have the right understanding they don’t have the training to be able to deal with the issues in the correct way.

I’m glad you’re in therapy and it sounds like it is helping you a lot, but to get to the underlying stuff you’re gonna need somebody that really understands it. Here’s the risk if you don’t use somebody who specializes in this. they may not have the correct attitudes toward things you bring up, in other words, she may not understand the appropriate way to address those things and help you with them because she hasn’t been trained to do that. It sounds like she’s helped you a lot with your overall distress and getting comfortable and being able to work through some things but realistically, if you want a therapist to help you with the trauma, you need to find somebody that knows what they’re doing or you run the risk of her actually making things worse.

The other thing that might happen is if you try and deal with the trauma with her, she may just refuse and say I’m not trained for this and I’m not sure how to handle it and actually that would be appropriate for her to say that. Some therapist will give it a try because they became therapist because they want to help people and the problem is you were on the risk of making things worse with inappropriate attitudes, misunderstandings and so on if you’ve tried to steer the conversation in that direction and she keeps bringing it back, I think what she’s trying to tell you she can’t do that for you.

One of the things I’ve learned about therapy. Is it supposed to be directed by the client you. So instead of dancing around this remember this is your therapy not hers. She’s there to help you. I suggest asking her directly and telling her I need help with the abuse and do you feel qualified to help me in this do you have the training and understanding to be able to work with me on this and if not, can you help me find somebody who can. And if she’s an ethical therapist, she’ll help you find somebody.

This is no different than going to your family doctor and needing a specialist and having them help you find one that can do what you need to be done so don’t look at this as your betraying or your undercutting or or anything like that but you went in with a paper that explained your trauma now is a time to go back in and say I need help with this and if you can’t do it help me find somebody that can because this is really what I need to work on. it’s no different than asking for a referral from your family doctor to a specialist.And don’t get stressed about it. You’re just asking her questions That you as a client have a right to know because it’s really what you need to work on

Hope this helps

 

[MSUser2024]

This is what I see you saying ,I need a trauma therapist who deals with child sexual abuse is a specialist. You’ve gone to you could say as a family doctor rather than a specialist, she’s not equipped to deal with what you wanna talk about. So what does that mean in reality, and this is not a knock against her at all, but it would be like asking your family Dr to do surgery, they’re just not prepared for it. They don’t have the right skills they don’t have the right understanding they don’t have the training to be able to deal with the issues in the correct way.

I’m glad you’re in therapy and it sounds like it is helping you a lot, but to get to the underlying stuff you’re gonna need somebody that really understands it. Here’s the risk if you don’t use somebody who specializes in this. they may not have the correct attitudes toward things you bring up, in other words, she may not understand the appropriate way to address those things and help you with them because she hasn’t been trained to do that. It sounds like she’s helped you a lot with your overall distress and getting comfortable and being able to work through some things but realistically, if you want a therapist to help you with the trauma, you need to find somebody that knows what they’re doing or you run the risk of her actually making things worse.

The other thing that might happen is if you try and deal with the trauma with her, she may just refuse and say I’m not trained for this and I’m not sure how to handle it and actually that would be appropriate for her to say that. Some therapist will give it a try because they became therapist because they want to help people and the problem is you were on the risk of making things worse with inappropriate attitudes, misunderstandings and so on if you’ve tried to steer the conversation in that direction and she keeps bringing it back, I think what she’s trying to tell you she can’t do that for you.

One of the things I’ve learned about therapy. Is it supposed to be directed by the client you. So instead of dancing around this remember this is your therapy not hers. She’s there to help you. I suggest asking her directly and telling her I need help with the abuse and do you feel qualified to help me in this do you have the training and understanding to be able to work with me on this and if not, can you help me find somebody who can. And if she’s an ethical therapist, she’ll help you find somebody.

This is no different than going to your family doctor and needing a specialist and having them help you find one that can do what you need to be done so don’t look at this as your betraying or your undercutting or or anything like that but you went in with a paper that explained your trauma now is a time to go back in and say I need help with this and if you can’t do it help me find somebody that can because this is really what I need to work on. it’s no different than asking for a referral from your family doctor to a specialist.And don’t get stressed about it. You’re just asking her questions That you as a client have a right to know because it’s really what you need to work on

Hope this helps

Thank you very much littlesteve. Peace Billy

 

[I don't know my name]

'Are any therapists really "equipped" to understand a man's/boy's experience of being a MS? They can read books, research, etc...but I am not a research subject. We are not rats for them to prod at and make notes. Just my opinion. Last therapist I saw, told me to play sports. Ya...if I had a bat I am sure I know what balls I would hit.

 

[LittleSteve]

There are therapist that are survivors, maybe they could give you a better answer. There are some even on this site. One of them is @blacken. Why don’t you ask him?