Therapist - how to know about correct responses

Therapist - how to know about correct responses
L

LostnHell

Registrant
I would describe myself as someone who has buried and partial memories. I have not done a lot of work in this area really. Last year at some point a memory came back to me , but only the framework of it, a good portion of it remains unclear.
I've been working with a therapist now for about 4 -5 months, and it has been to recently talk type of therapy, mostly of my choosing.

With apparent inner unresolved problems I was offered a number of different treatments on exploring issues. I chose EMDR, first because I had never tried it before, secondly it seemed somewhat less vague.

While I was asked to pick a traumatic experience of less substance, after doing some thinking I went ahead with the experience referenced above.
Now I've had 3 sessions using EMDR revolving around this particular experience. I will admit that vague, somewhat cloudy images have come into my mind. This includes a weird feeling of recognition without the ability to actually place it clearly in my mind.

So the last time, amidst post session review the therapist felt that I had undergone a very traumatic experience including "rape". My response (albeit coming from my logical and defensive self said that until I was completely sure and I could actually remember the entire event I can commit to that type of conclusion. The therapist responded by giving me a look of "come on - how much more evidence do we need". At that point, I still protested, and then 30 seconds later, felt within me some sort of slight release that it was okay to cry about the event , even though I still dont know what the event completely entailed.

So all this explanation for a quick question. Is there a point where a therapist, based on their professional experiene and knowledge can make an assessment as such ? Or is it more appropriate for them to completely refrain from all feedback and commentary until the patient knows within themselves the truth ?

TIA
LNH
 
Hi Lostinhell,

I don't know if this helps answer your question,because I don't know. Like you I have partial memories but don't really have vivid recall of what happened. At a MS retreat one participant said, "Im a man now, the man I am now can protect the little boy." As you look into the past know you are a different, stronger person than you were than.
I hope that your work looking into a dim past leads to greater clarity and healing for you.

Halibut
 
LNH - I have heard a lot of good things about EMDR and know therapists who use it; however, I have not had EMDR therapy. But to your question, a therapist who provides therapy to CSA victims sees enough patients to recognize symptoms that strongly suggest CSA or like trauma. Several patients I know possessed these symptoms and for several years denied any abuse. Then, following vague memories, definitely realized their own victimization. It took some time for him to fully accept what therapists and treatment teams could see through his actions, behaviors and symptoms. His treatment team was not forceful nor did they feed him his memories. It came in his time. These memories are so crouched in defensiveness and we've hidden them for so long for protection...the memories emerge gradually. Trust what you remember and, as much as you can, trust your therapist to see what you can not! Good luck! You are not alone in the journey!

Howard
 
Okie Mike - Ask Ken Singer, he's much more conversant with it's use and particulars!!

Howard
 
I have to leave for a wedding in a few minutes and can't go into what EMDR is/does. Suggest you do a google on it -be sure to use the good search engine on our opening page so we get the penny for the search.

I've been doing EMDR on select clients for over 10 years. I was trained by the originator of EMDR, Francine Shapiro, and the take home message I got was that we don't make interpretations of what it might mean when a memory comes up.

Example: I did a number of sessions on a man who had recollections of being fondled/stroked over the clothes by his father when they took naps together. During the EMDR he had recollection of being anally/digitally penetrated. He wanted to know if his father, now dead, had actually done that.

The "memory" may actually have been real, or it might have been a confabulation of his need to believe his father must have done more for this man to consider himself a survivor. I replied that it might be or might not be what happened. It might help ease his mind that he endured more than just fondling for his years of problems, but on the other hand, he also wanted peace with the memory of his father. Letting him sort it out was really the best way rather than my telling him the recollection was real or something he created. He was satisfied with that.

I guess the best way I understand new memories that surface during or after EMDR is that there is no certainty that the memory is real or not. Just accept it as something that came up and move on with the recovery.

I hope that doesn't sound like a cop out but I think your therapist (unless there is a new interpretation since I had the training) was off-base to insist that you went through this.

Ken
 
Everything I've read regarding therapist handling of client memories regarding CSA and therapy seems to be in alignment with what Ken says. That it wouldn't be for the therapist to say yay or nay to a surfacing image.

Still I have to say that many therapists, at least as have been my experience, do make assumptions or conclusions based on their supposed experience.

Even though, while I was denying or logically taking the path of it could have maybe but I need more information from my memory banks I felt a surge of emotion flood through me like I just wanted to fall down and cry. Even still I have no link between this surge of emotion and the possibility that this incident had gone to the extent that these surreal and distant images portend.

Since I don't want to continue to shop for therapists and feel that this one brings great value to our sessions I will make the choice to accept only what I'm ready to accept and discount any assumptions outside of what I can validate within myself.

I know that "memories" have been the subject of many threads and I've read enough now to understand their vageries. It's most certainly a confusing area.

Kind of weird, one image that came up was on the door that I do remember standing in front of where this incidence took place, was the word STOP printed in the color red across a window on the door. Sort of a way to understand that images don't always equate to actual historic events but may "translate" to things on other levels. I mean there was never the word STOP on that door.

LNH
 
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