The Wobble
Hi - one thing I wanted to share with y'all... something that I learned in my "partners" group (real life). I may have posted this a few months ago but I have been sick and my memory is shot..
so if this is a repeat.. I apologize...
I see a lot of postings on the site about the unexplainable wildly swinging emotions, reactions, moods, behaviours of survivors that is often difficult to understand for both the survivor and the partner...
What I learned about this response is that it is a "typical" response to sensory overload/trauma/anxiety.. and when anyone is "triggered" - when a trauma survivor is strongly reminded of their intial trauma, they go into the "wobble".
The "wobble" is a bafflingly confusing set of opposing feelings, behaviours and actions that seemingly come out of nowhere - one minute the person wants space, then right away wants closeness, they are angry then frightened, intensely displaying emotions then icy cold...
Anyhow apparently this is a common response to "abnormal" experiences - trauma of all kinds - from sexual abuse, to other abuse, to near-death experiences, to witnessing a violent act, or a disaster. The one thing that is particular to sexual abuse/trauma is that there are resultant sexual "wobbles" - because the trauma has fused with sexual experience/feelings, the survivor, when triggered, can often bafflingly wobble between intense demands/compulsive feelings (acting out) and then repulsed by sex (acting in).
Anyhow for those partners/survivors that are baffled by this, apparently it is a common experience/complaint among trauma survivors. (What I am trying to say is that there is NOTHING wrong with a survivor if he is in this.. at times one could feel like they are going insane because the behaviour and the mood swings are really out of control... and I know my partner sometimes thinks he's insane. I tell him he's not insane.. just wobbling).
I guess a key for working through the wobble for the survivor is to identify the triggers and process them, also reduce anxiety and stress in other parts of your life to keep wobble as manageable as possible (all depends on the level of trauma in your life - it is possible it can be too much to try and manage during periods of crisis). One of the keys to managing it for the partner (the survivor's wobble can kick start the partner's wobble) is to try and recognize the wobble and recognize what is going on and dont get caught up in the illogical swings.. just ride it out... reduce anxiety enough to stay in the "working zone".
I have been looking for a reference for this online but have not found it. If I do come across it I will post the URL.
Interesting stuff. I see it in my own life/behaviours/actions/moods as I am an abuse survivor myself, as well as in certain times when my partner is wobbling, I start my own counter-wobble.
wobbly PAS
so if this is a repeat.. I apologize...
I see a lot of postings on the site about the unexplainable wildly swinging emotions, reactions, moods, behaviours of survivors that is often difficult to understand for both the survivor and the partner...
What I learned about this response is that it is a "typical" response to sensory overload/trauma/anxiety.. and when anyone is "triggered" - when a trauma survivor is strongly reminded of their intial trauma, they go into the "wobble".
The "wobble" is a bafflingly confusing set of opposing feelings, behaviours and actions that seemingly come out of nowhere - one minute the person wants space, then right away wants closeness, they are angry then frightened, intensely displaying emotions then icy cold...
Anyhow apparently this is a common response to "abnormal" experiences - trauma of all kinds - from sexual abuse, to other abuse, to near-death experiences, to witnessing a violent act, or a disaster. The one thing that is particular to sexual abuse/trauma is that there are resultant sexual "wobbles" - because the trauma has fused with sexual experience/feelings, the survivor, when triggered, can often bafflingly wobble between intense demands/compulsive feelings (acting out) and then repulsed by sex (acting in).
Anyhow for those partners/survivors that are baffled by this, apparently it is a common experience/complaint among trauma survivors. (What I am trying to say is that there is NOTHING wrong with a survivor if he is in this.. at times one could feel like they are going insane because the behaviour and the mood swings are really out of control... and I know my partner sometimes thinks he's insane. I tell him he's not insane.. just wobbling).
I guess a key for working through the wobble for the survivor is to identify the triggers and process them, also reduce anxiety and stress in other parts of your life to keep wobble as manageable as possible (all depends on the level of trauma in your life - it is possible it can be too much to try and manage during periods of crisis). One of the keys to managing it for the partner (the survivor's wobble can kick start the partner's wobble) is to try and recognize the wobble and recognize what is going on and dont get caught up in the illogical swings.. just ride it out... reduce anxiety enough to stay in the "working zone".
I have been looking for a reference for this online but have not found it. If I do come across it I will post the URL.
Interesting stuff. I see it in my own life/behaviours/actions/moods as I am an abuse survivor myself, as well as in certain times when my partner is wobbling, I start my own counter-wobble.
wobbly PAS
