The wife - another abuser (explicit)
Earlier this year I did a Mike Lew male survivor workshop and the night after leaving the WS I had a dream, I woke up and added the ex wife to the list of sexual abusers. I realised that she had sexually coerced me into marrying her.
How did this happen?.
She became part of our group and as I lived close to her I would give her a lift, and over several outings she became the sort of girl that I was looking for. I became susceptible to her advances, even if not a survivor I would have probably succumbed to her wiles.
After a lot of group outings we finally went for a drive just us and parked overlooking the sea. It was night and she instigated sex, I was a willing participant but she was the aggressor. After the event she became emotional and I comforted her, this was a sympathy ploy I now realise. Within 5 months we were engaged.
Another ploy was to coerce me to be with her for sex rather than participate with the group, isolation the abusers weapon. An example was a friends 21st party she led me to the side of the house to be passionate and as soon as the birthday song and the cake cutting we were out of there to go have sex, the party continued for another 3 hrs but we were isolated for the whole time. Another time was about 5 months before we were married, we went with my parents, brother and sister in law to a dinner dance. It was obvious to all that she was seducing me like in the movies. As soon as the dinner was finished we went back to my parents house to have sex, the house was empty for several hours because the folks were at the dance. This was even more abusive as we were ballroom dancers and this was the sort of entertainment that I enjoyed, we were supposed to enjoy. My mother commented on the fact during the next week it was obvious to all there what was going on.
Those 2 events stuck out even though I could relate more, thats enough to describe the abuse before we were married.
After the wedding ceremony I noticed a change and the sweet girl that I married was gone. That night there was no sex and for the next 3 months we had to use lubrication if we did the deed and that wasnt that often, not for a young newly wed couple, a couple that had lots of natural pre marital sex, with no problems, she changed from hot to frigid.
That was abusive too especially as it was always my fault that she wasnt aroused.
1 year after we married our first child was borne, I thought that the pregnancy was a mistake, something one expects may happen to married couples. Now I realise that our first child was a deliberate maneuver on her part as we had agreed to move to her state when we started a family, in 2 or more years time.
I could write a novel on the abusive relationship we had. I was explaining to my T that she never respected any of my boundaries. I learned to set the boundaries, later I had to set the parameters within the boundaries, and still later what were not acceptable loopholes within the parameters and the boundaries. After 19 years I could not take any more and we separated.
As I said earlier we were ballroom dancers, I was professional when we met and she became my partner, and we were moving up the competition ladder and were on our way to becoming state champions even Australian champions was a possibility. I was robbed of this opportunity by this manipulating shrew.
How did this happen?.
She became part of our group and as I lived close to her I would give her a lift, and over several outings she became the sort of girl that I was looking for. I became susceptible to her advances, even if not a survivor I would have probably succumbed to her wiles.
After a lot of group outings we finally went for a drive just us and parked overlooking the sea. It was night and she instigated sex, I was a willing participant but she was the aggressor. After the event she became emotional and I comforted her, this was a sympathy ploy I now realise. Within 5 months we were engaged.
Another ploy was to coerce me to be with her for sex rather than participate with the group, isolation the abusers weapon. An example was a friends 21st party she led me to the side of the house to be passionate and as soon as the birthday song and the cake cutting we were out of there to go have sex, the party continued for another 3 hrs but we were isolated for the whole time. Another time was about 5 months before we were married, we went with my parents, brother and sister in law to a dinner dance. It was obvious to all that she was seducing me like in the movies. As soon as the dinner was finished we went back to my parents house to have sex, the house was empty for several hours because the folks were at the dance. This was even more abusive as we were ballroom dancers and this was the sort of entertainment that I enjoyed, we were supposed to enjoy. My mother commented on the fact during the next week it was obvious to all there what was going on.
Those 2 events stuck out even though I could relate more, thats enough to describe the abuse before we were married.
After the wedding ceremony I noticed a change and the sweet girl that I married was gone. That night there was no sex and for the next 3 months we had to use lubrication if we did the deed and that wasnt that often, not for a young newly wed couple, a couple that had lots of natural pre marital sex, with no problems, she changed from hot to frigid.
That was abusive too especially as it was always my fault that she wasnt aroused.
1 year after we married our first child was borne, I thought that the pregnancy was a mistake, something one expects may happen to married couples. Now I realise that our first child was a deliberate maneuver on her part as we had agreed to move to her state when we started a family, in 2 or more years time.
I could write a novel on the abusive relationship we had. I was explaining to my T that she never respected any of my boundaries. I learned to set the boundaries, later I had to set the parameters within the boundaries, and still later what were not acceptable loopholes within the parameters and the boundaries. After 19 years I could not take any more and we separated.
As I said earlier we were ballroom dancers, I was professional when we met and she became my partner, and we were moving up the competition ladder and were on our way to becoming state champions even Australian champions was a possibility. I was robbed of this opportunity by this manipulating shrew.