The Twelve Steps of Insanity

The Twelve Steps of Insanity
The 12 steps program saved my life. I would be dead without it.

I went to GA meetings. I could not stop gambling. It was not a choice for me to gamble, it was an obsession. I was surprised to see how many male survivors attended these meetings. In fact I know over 10 male members that are incest survivors.( I did not know one before going there.) I applied the 12 steps and did a ton of meetings.

The biggest surprise that I got from attending these meeting was that it greatly help me live my life as an incest survivor.

A higher power is different for everyone. I am an atheist, and my higher power is life.

The 12 steps are there to help me learn to trust people and myself and life. The term spirituality is used, as I see it, in this way; To recognize everything that is good in other people and myself. Believe me, I did not trust anyone when I first started meetings.

I was powerless over the incest, I was a child.
It took 30 years to stop feeling guilty about the incest.

The exact nature of my wrong is the pain and suferring I mostly caused to myself and others, as an adult survivor with post traumatic stress disorder.

It is really easy for me to stay immature and sarcastic about life and people. I would rather take a chance and try something proven like the 12 steps and move on.

I am 44 year old, and for the first time in my life I feel good. It is because of the 12 step program.

I'm glad I took a chance and overlooked my fears and ego.
 
PiePro,

Thanks for your post; that helps a lot. If anyone else has positive experiences or insights let's have them. I really am curious about this.

Much love,
Larry
 
The most important thing I learn with the 12 step program is to live today, not in the horror of the past or in the insecurities of the future.

By doing this, I was faced with taking responsabilities over my actions, today.

I learned that by acting out the abuse through mostly auto-destruction behavior ( gambling, drugs, sex, need to perform without taking pleasure, etc...) I was reproducing the abuse on myself. Uncousciously, of course, since I suffered from PTSD.

I was much more vulnerable then. Today, I try to be more responsable, and believe me it is not easy, but I do get periods of great serenity and calmness. Unfortunately, I often go back to a more comfortable place, a place were I do not belong-were I do not respect myself, i.e. over eating ...

12 step meetings are full of people acting out. In many cases they are not even conscious of their own victimization. I spoke to a lady that was gang raped when she was 15 year old. It took everything she had to tell me. She could not make the link between the rape and her problems in life as an adult.

Today, I know that if I gamble, it will be an act of violence on my part. I don't want to do this anymore since I am starting to love who I am.

I refuse to continue the abuse perpetrated on me when I was a child. - Today
 
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