the therapist said I was wrong

[forlauren]

Finally got to see the therapist today. Talked a little about husbands test results again (no inconsistencies, shows he isnt a threat to children). Then told her our main concern was husbands little sister. I told the therapist about the conclusion Id come to that I cant push my husband and force his eyes open any more quickly than hes ready for, and that all I feel I can do is encourage him to stay in therapy and maybe itll take five years for him to face the reality of what type of person his father really is. The therapist disagreed with me right away and said he doesnt have the luxury of that kind of time for his sisters sake. Husband has a business trip to Florida leaving Monday and therapist has suggested he needs to have a conversation with his father and stepmother face to face on this trip. He needs to say he was sexually abused by his father, as was his brother, and he needs to know that 'S' is okay. The therapist doesnt think its necessary for him to drag his Aunt into the equation (fathers sister, who was also abused). The Aunt is terrified shell be cut out of the inheritance or something if it comes out.

So this will be the first step. My husband is just to ask questions, to ask what his father and stepmother will do to assure that his little sister is safe. If his dad becomes totally defensive or tells my husband again that he was doing him a favor he has to ignore that and just keep repeating that his concern is for 'S'. And hes supposed to tell his dad he hopes this can only strengthen their relationship and that they can in the future develop a new man to man relationship.

The next step will be that he has to let them know morally he cant just let this go unresolved. Dr. 'W' said my idea of having my husband professionally evaluated was a good one, and perhaps that whole family could go in for professional evaluation.

A part of me was hoping our therapist would just say shed have to report as her ethical duty but she feels the action of protection for Sarah needs to start with my husband. She feels it would be bad for the relationship of therapist to client. I mentioned my sister doing something, and again she didnt agree with dragging in another family member, that it needs to start with my husband, and this would help out how I feel about my husband as well (I agree).

I am very grateful to have found a therapist who is such a straight shooter. She sees what the most important issue is, and just pushes my husband to tackle it whether hes afraid to or not. His business trip is Monday through Thursday, so hell try to arrange a meeting with his dad & stepmom on Friday.

 

[Lloydy]

I have just edited the names of the young girl and the Doctor from this post - nothing else.

Please be careful about using real names in posts, especially when the subject is as delicate as this one is.

A lot of people lurk on sites such as this, and not all of them are here with good intentions.

Thanks
Dave

 

[Lloydy]

Lauren
I think you've found your answers, everything seems to be falling into place.

It's not an easy place either, and you and your husband will have to give each other so much support and encouragement over this time.

But somehow I think you'll manage that because you've done some preparation and thinking, and that's worth a great deal.

I hope it goes well for you both.

Dave

 

[forlauren]

Thank you, Lloydy. At some point, I had gotten so tired of feeling like I was carrying a burden of such a secret, I just started letting things fly out of my mouth about my husband and his family to practically anyone, near strangers, neighbors, anybody. I guess this can be a typical phase when you've been through something awful, a need to be a blabbermouth.

I also thought it made my posts hard to understand without names to all the different characters. But it never occurred to me a freak of some kind would have it out for our therapist or something like that. Thanks for the corrections, I'll be more careful in the future.