The strangest negative consequence of abuse I've yet discovered

[melliferal]

I can't donate blood!

I drove past the Red Cross office today, saw a sign saying "donate blood here", and had some extra time; so I figured, "Why not?"

You go in and they give you a clipboard with a really long form to fill out; the form is a set of questions, the answers to which will determine whether your blood is eligible to be used. There are questions about whether you've traveled to certain parts of the world recently, needle/drug use, and risky sexual behaviors - some questions are kind of personal, but all are understandable, and all designed to ensure the safest possible blood supply.

So I'm checking the yes/no boxes, and there's a question which says "Are you a male who has had sexual contact with another male, EVEN ONCE, since 1977?" The "EVEN ONCE" was actually capitalized, as if to make sure you couldn't miss it. The question stopped me cold.

Notice it doesn't say "Are you a MAN who has had sexual contact with another MAN". It just says "male", period. It also didn't say "intercourse", it just said "contact". Well, I am a male, and I had sexual contact with another male, when I was 10 years old. Does that really count? The other male was the same age - does it matter? I mean, we were children - it's not quite the same. All the other questions I answered fine - I'm not into drugs or on medication; I hardly really engage in sexual activity AT ALL, let alone with males, and let alone "risky".

I didn't know whether I should check Yes or No, and nobody was paying attention to me sitting in the waiting room (there were plenty of other people, filling out forms), so I just took the sheet, left the clipboard on the chair, and took off!

I've been furious ever since. What those bastards conned me into doing just won't stop having an effect on things I want to do. I can't even donate blood! It would've made me feel so good, but I can't do it.

So, I'm quietly seething here with my rage. I'll probably internalize it, like I always have. Catch a cold or something. God, pedophiles suck.

 

[mark250676]

I had the same thing happen to me when I had to register for something to do with work.

"Have you ever suffered from a serious mental health problem and was it triggered by a specific event?"

Still angry about it 18 months later!!

 

[lostcowboy]

Hi Melliferal yes that question gets to me also.

Take care,
Clifford

 

[blacken]

Ya, I understand Melliferal.
I talked to my Medical Doctor about that. She said it was an "AIDS type question". I was worried about all that & she said there's no concern because it was a long time ago & I have Not developed any of the illnesses they are screening for.

 

[batcountry]

fuck them, if you wanna donate just lie, i mean despite how the question is phrased, its obviously meant for people who may have AIDS and not know it, and i doubt you got that from another kid.

there isnt really anything they can do if you lie is there? i mean assuming you dont have AIDS

 

[Nobbynobs]

Wow. I was going to donate blood too. Guess now I won't. Just wow.

Edit: It's not just AIDS...I think Hepatitis can sit in your bloodstream for a while too before it starts to cause symptoms. At any rate lying about possible exposure to AIDS or any STD is illegal and you can get into a lot of trouble.

 

[ScottyTodd]

Just to satisfy curiosity, you might want to get an HIV test? I've been tested twice as suggested with negative results. I've donated blood in the past without a problem.

Howard

 

[melliferal]

Indeed, the question is obviously designed to filter out people who the agency feels could possibly have AIDS or some other kind of STD but not know about it. The agency tests the blood anyway, but they'd rather keep potentially-unusable blood from being donated at all, rather than wasting supplies on collecting blood that can't be used. I understand that; the agency survives only on donations and doesn't have the hugest budget in the world.

I also understand that what happened when I was a kid is not likely to have given me an STD. That's what I meant in my first post by "it's a little different". But of course at the time, the question surprised and confused me, so I just left. And I don't think I'd be keen on lying just so I'd be able to donate; donating blood would give me all sorts of moral-high-ground warm-fuzzies, but having to deceive people in order to achieve that kinda of pisses on the fire, really.

 

[reality2k4]

I got tested for the lot in 1993, and I still dont see my blood as 'clean'.
I used all kinds of excuses at work to avoid donating, just in case they ask questions like that.

I think the question they ask is highly descriminative, in that they are assuming men have aids and not women, and it also assumes homosexuals are unclean.

Just my two cents, with eight pints of blood,

ste

 

[Nobbynobs]

Originally posted by reality2k4:


I think the question they ask is highly descriminative, in that they are assuming men have aids and not women, and it also assumes homosexuals are unclean.

No it doesn't, ste. The reality was that AIDS was rampant in the gay community during the 1980's, before safe sex and awareness came along. They are just being careful. The question just tries to identify if the donor is a member of a high-risk group but I don't think there is any implicit judgement in that. I know in Canada they also ask you if you have travelled to countries where there is Malaria, etc, so it is just a public health precaution.

 

[reality2k4]

Nobby, oh well its still discriminating for gays.
If they answer yes to the question, they will be asked to leave without giving blood, yes!

Maybe I aint got so much blood as I thought, because when I went for the check on aids, the nurse took ages to get a sample.

I would love to think that I could save a life, but I guess not

ste

 

[FormerTexan]

melliferal,

"What those bastards conned me into doing just won't stop having an effect on things I want to do."

That phrase jumped off the screen at me. That's what sucks about all the crap we ahd to take from perps. We want normal lives with regular stuff and some self-serving b@$!@!#$ screwed us up.

 

[reality2k4]

Just to put the record straight, abused boys cannot give blood, they dont believe it can ever be clean.

Body, mind and soul is contaminated, so is my blood and believe me, I thought at 11yo that I had an STD.

Not the best way to get a girl, especially witholding the lie,

ste

 

[Nobbynobs]

I checked, and in Canada the Canadian Blood Services will not take your blood if you had sex with a man since 1977. Even if you have tested negative on an HIV test, you are still ineligible.

 

[melliferal]

It's the fact, FT. You know, I can deal with and accept things I was unable to do, growing up, because of what happened. All the antecedents of the abuse throughout the rest of my youth - all the stuff I couldn't (or simply wouldn't) talk about, or joke about, or think about, because of my past. I can accept it - it's history, and NOTHING can change history. Time goes forwards, not backwards, and so too should we move forwards.

But it won't STAY history. It keeps popping up in the STUPIDEST damned places and screams at me, like some kind of pissed-off jack-in-the-box. I'm not talking about behavioral inconveniences that I'm trying to rationalize as artifacts of the abuse; I'm talking obvious stuff. Like being unable to donate blood, for the reason I mentioned. I should've looked through that form and never bat an eyelid at any those questions. I should be able to smile and joke with my younger relatives or neighbors without worrying about the "lasting effect" of everything I say. I should have a girlfriend, or even a wife by now. I should be a fecking world-class sexual athlete, or SOMETHING.

But no, up jumps PERP-in-the-box.

Sorry about the bad/dark sense of humor I guess, but if it weren't for that I'd probably be depressed. Depression is even worse than my sense of humor.

 

[lostcowboy]

Hi guys ready to see red? check this out! If I think I have been exposed to HIV, how soon can I get tested?

If I think I have been exposed to HIV, how soon can I get tested?

To find out when you should be tested, discuss it with your testing site staff or personal physician. The tests commonly used to detect HIV infection actually look for antibodies produced by your body to fight HIV. Most people will develop detectable antibodies within 3 months after infection, the average being 20 days. In rare cases, it can take 6-12 months. During the time between exposure and the test, it is important to avoid any behavior that might result in exposure to blood, semen, or vaginal secretions.

So after 12 months they should be able to find antibodies in any person who has HIV.
The 1978 year limit was put in place during a time when they had no test, and did not know what was causing the deaths. There is in my opinion no reason for that time limit in this day and time!

Take care,
Clifford

 

[George]

I too had the same question take me by surprise when I donated blood back in the mid 90's, never mind that I donated back in high school back around 84, I guess before the question popped up.
I donated anyway, I knew I was clean.

After 8 years of marriage & telling my wife about the abuse & subsequent acting out we had to be worked up for fertility testing to have kids. That very same question popped up as we both were going through the stack of questions together. My wife asked me what I was gonna do, we then were in agreement that the question didn't pertain to me, so I checked no.

I know that my blood has been tested at least five times throughout the years, so I'm comfortable with checking off no to that question.