The Sleep Disturbances,Troubles of Male Survivors.


It feels as if I fell asleep when I was a child after my father got into my bed and I started masturbating him. I would wake up feeling hostile towards him, but have no recollection of what happened in between.

Nowadays I have a tendency to want to fall asleep if memories of abuse are becoming intrusive. That does not mean I will not wake up with a start, but I do wonder if I kind of slept through abuse or went somewhere in dreams whilst I was being abused.

My father was always careful not to approach me if I was wide awake and would withdraw if I said anything. I remember him by my bed or in my bed late at night when I was waking up and feeling him arousing me.

One night something had frightened me and I got into bed with my parents, although it was my mother I needed. I woke up in the middle of REM sleep and felt my father's hand on my penis. I sat up shouting and wondering what was happening, since I was having a vivid full colour dream with sound.

I used to think I was very insecure for needing to be with my mother at night sometimes. I do not remember my sister having a similar problem. Nowadays I feel it was my escape from sexual abuse. I remember this from when I was 11.


If you're very medicated it is. See the other comment I made just before yours (I think. Somewhere here). One of my exes used the medicine cocktail I have to take to sleep frequently to use my body without me knowing about it (until I woke up). Barring taking medication to knock you out, probably unlikely, but I can't say "impossible."
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I often mistake needing the bathroom as being done with sleep. It happened this morning. It's often just a bad decision, but sometimes there is more to it. For me, getting by on "just enough" or "enough for now" is tied into other things. One is not being worthy. The other is some strange need to prove I can tough it out.
Sleep has never been good for me since I was in my teens. I use to have a job where it was 24 hour shits and I would do the trade to do the 2-4 am watch. I have medicine now to help me stay asleep but can’t use it all the time as I feel sluggi in the mornings but I use it several time a week as I just have to get some sleep. I find at times like now when I think of stuff or do something that really messes with me no mater how long I sleep I never feel rested. Like for the past several weeks I truly just want to stay in bed lime just shut down for days. I know for me it’s getting exhausting.