the simplest of triggers

[Brayton]

I heard myself telling my partner yesterday,

sometimes it is hard seeing children.

I didn't think that out but it is certainly true. This time it seems to have come from the simplest of triggers.

Out to dinner with family Sunday night. A little boy rushes through to the adjacent dining room to see if a table is open. He was about 5 years old. He couldn't get the attention of the two women he was with--maybe a grandmother and aunt.

Snap.

I've been experiencing anxiety since. I woke up this morning and could barely move, my muscles ached so much. I was practically rigid.

 

Brayton,

That has always been a trigger for me for two reasons. One, when I see a happy child with his parents, my heart aches because I never knew what it was to be one of them. The other reason is because I always wanted children and it didn't happen.

Peace,

Marc

 

[Leosha]

I think seeing or being around children are difficult. We have some smaller children who are in some beginning skating lessons, and I am not comfortable to work with them. The students I work best with are like over age 16. Not because I am afraid I would do anything wrong with a child, never. But because they are so small, and so believing of what you say. I just feel they are too much responsibility for me right now, even just to teach them for a few hours a week.

But, on the positive side, I can watch children from a distance, and feel their energy, their happiness, and that incredible innocence of them. They are the hope, the future, the power that I did not have at that age, and am struggling to have now. It I think is more positive for me then negative to simply view them in public. I just am uncomfortable with training them or 'babysitting' them. Because I would never want anything I do or say to be cause of trouble for a child ten years later or something.

leosha