the race is on

the race is on
F

flyingboy

New Registrant
I'm new to this site... I guess I will at some point tell more details of my SA... at the moment I am preoccupied with the passage of time...I hate ticking clocks...I celebrated my 42nd birthday this past weekend...the actual day is 3/24...I think about death a lot... maybe because I yet know how to live...will I really live before I die?...am I already dead?...I was sodomized in a cemetery when I was 10...did I become a corpse at that moment? will I ever get married?...I recently became involved with a female friend from high school days...she's in love with me but I'm in limbo and feeling so much pressure to make some kind of decision...she's a SA survivor, too... is there some force at work that brings people like us together? Is a healthy relationship possible? I feel like I'm going to throw up...I'm scared to lose her but I'm also scared to end up in a dysfunctional relationship...what am I going to tell her? Tick..tick..tick...
 
Hold on man. Things will get better. Take it on day at a time. Take care of yourself.
Gus
 
Tell her the truth. Tell her your feelings. Tell her your concerns. Be honest. That is what you tell her. And don't forget to listen to her when she tells you all of those things.
 
Flyingboy,

Welcome to MS. This is a good and supportive site with a lot of wonderful supportive guys. Sorry that you had to go through what you did.

Living and thriving are possible and you have made the steps towards that. Get the help and support you need to help you sort out your feelings and understand what they are and what they mean. You'll be fine. This is a lot of hard work but it is well worth it.

Take care,
Bill
 
Welcome.

Is it possible for you to trhive? Of course.

Will it take a lot of hard work? Hell Yeah.

Coming here is a great start. I found this place about a month ago and it has helped tremendously.

You obviously have feelings of some kind for this woman and that alone shows you are alive. Heck, the confusion alone shows you are not a walking corpse.

It's just hard.

But...have some hope and know you are not alone.

Agai, welcome.
 
I echo what eveyone else has said flyingboy.

You are alive; it is just that the stench of what happened to you in the graveyard was worse than any stench given off by a corpse. It was actually the worst thing that could have happened to you.

You have taken the first step. You have come here and now you are a part of us. We are all in this together. Our only aim is to actually live life and not merely be a witness to it.

So Post, Read and travel with us brother.
 
Welcome, I am sorry you need this place but I am so happy for you that you have found it. I am new to here too, I have been on about a month or so. I have been that "living dead" you speak of, I know the solitude, the being so alone feeling. But here, I have found that there are so many of us, sad to say but Here they really do know your pains. I cannot say it has all been great since I started to talk about it all. I can say that life is more beautiful than I have ever imagined. I have days and nights or terror, like I am 8 again, going thru the hell all over again. But this is a safe place, a place to let yourself free, free of the pain. A place to let lose the anger and pain, a place to vent where you will never be judged. It is true this is such a hard road sometimes, but the sun does shine thru at times I think just so we all know we are going the right way.
So, welcome. You are on the road with us. You are not alone, you are with brothers. Brothers that have lived the same pains. I have learned alot so far, and have so much more to go. But one of the most important things to me that I have learned is that some people genuinly do care and will listen. That some people really do love me, not for what I give them or what they can take from me. They love ME. The me inside that I put away because I was made to feel it wasn't good enough for anyone. I know their love is real and I know they will never turn their back on me, thank you angel for seeing into my soul, it has craved you and searched for you since I was 8, maybe even before. My life is changing, and I am in control of it. I am begining to love me, and I am loving life too.(tears in my eyes)..
Chris- a true survivor
 
Welcome here.

I am finding that it is most common, that we question ourselves as to be worthy, to feel we do not deserve to have love of others in our lives. And I have also felt that I have not yet begun to live. But, you will be able to live. It takes us time to rediscover ourselves, and to remember that we are worthy of it.

I wish you well, and good luck. Please know that you are deserving of good things.

One last thing, in response to the actual title of this thread. The race is long, and in the end, it is only with yourself.

leosha
 
Flyingboy -

I was just about desolate when I first came here. I was met with much warmth - I have returned that warmth to others. I now see some of them passing on that warmth to you.

This is a place where the fire is always on - stay here and benefit from the warmth.

Just give it a few weeks and you will understand what I am saying now!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
flyingboy,
honesty. that is what will dispeel the darkness and the lonliness. it is possible to find the soulmate in another who has walked the same path. be honest with her and with yourself.
 
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