The Questions

Hello MS Community,

This would appear to be my day for asking questions, this one I had to bring down to here. As I had mentioned when I had posted down here before, at one time I had hit religion heavy. I was not one of those people you saw go into a church, just because it was Sunday and the doors were open. I was an absolute true believer I felt it was the only way I could ever get away from the horrible feelings my CSA baggage to go away. Unfortunately, for me this did not work, I don’t know if I did something wrong, or perhaps God was not ready yet for me to go beyond it? I went to church every time my situation would allow, attempted to be a good person, and still do that to this day. Every time that I asked for relief from this, I was met nothing but a wall of silence. When this would happen, I would try even harder yet still noting but silence was my answer.

So, this leads me to a couple of questions, which I must ask of other people because I never get anything from above. The first is simply is there some sort of plan, one of which I could never understand, I can be sharp, but I am hardly a speck in compared the Almighty? Is possible there is still yet something I am to do? Or conversely, am I simply unworthy for this assistance in which I have needed for all that time? Once I believed that for those who really believed, and really worked at it, mean followed the path as best we are ale because we all fail occasionally. That if you found yourself in the dark you would someway be led out of it. I am still in the darkness waiting, for three decades not. So again, the two juxtaposed questions begged to be asked. Is this the part of my plan or am I simply unworthy of the intervention ?

With Deep Respect,

Jrperk010101
 

Healing light

Registrant
Hello MS Community,

This would appear to be my day for asking questions, this one I had to bring down to here. As I had mentioned when I had posted down here before, at one time I had hit religion heavy. I was not one of those people you saw go into a church, just because it was Sunday and the doors were open. I was an absolute true believer I felt it was the only way I could ever get away from the horrible feelings my CSA baggage to go away. Unfortunately, for me this did not work, I don’t know if I did something wrong, or perhaps God was not ready yet for me to go beyond it? I went to church every time my situation would allow, attempted to be a good person, and still do that to this day. Every time that I asked for relief from this, I was met nothing but a wall of silence. When this would happen, I would try even harder yet still noting but silence was my answer.

So, this leads me to a couple of questions, which I must ask of other people because I never get anything from above. The first is simply is there some sort of plan, one of which I could never understand, I can be sharp, but I am hardly a speck in compared the Almighty? Is possible there is still yet something I am to do? Or conversely, am I simply unworthy for this assistance in which I have needed for all that time? Once I believed that for those who really believed, and really worked at it, mean followed the path as best we are ale because we all fail occasionally. That if you found yourself in the dark you would someway be led out of it. I am still in the darkness waiting, for three decades not. So again, the two juxtaposed questions begged to be asked. Is this the part of my plan or am I simply unworthy of the intervention ?

With Deep Respect,

Jrperk010101
I'm going to ask a random question but stick with me ....but have you ever seen a miracle one that changed the whole way you looked at the world

Iv seen two one a few years ago and one more recently, prayers answered and in the later case decades after I should imagine it was first prayed for and neither of those miracles were mine but they touched me deeply and I'm so very thankful for them occuring in others lives

So my next question , was you like me after some sort of a miracle , some massive event? I was something where I could say my prayers have been answered

So one day I'm laying on a sofa in my pals church , a fellow survivor he is and I said how come you get up every day dedicate yourself to God and he does shit for you

His replied what do you mean

So I carry on , last week you couldn't sleep , because you was triggered , you work everyday of your life for him upstairs and that's how your repaid

He replied

He doesn't think I need a miracle
He thinks I have got this , I can handle it , it's just me that doesn't think I have got this. Miracles are when there's nothing else left, for when God thinks the s*** really hit the fan.

Then he said

Why do you think your here today

I replied : to eat toast , and moan

He said no to show me I'm not alone in my journey healing. He clocked my prayers and given me a nudge in the right direction

I'm the most cynical but deeply spiritual person you could meet but this guy , a survivor, a pastor blows me mind offen

Hope it helps somewhat , of course you deserve peace from the suffering ,and answers to your prayers some relief
And I hope you get it

HL
 

Jack090

New Registrant
As an agnostic, I can't give you any clear direction either way about the existence or not of an almighty being let alone explain what his plan may be. As a student of science, I know there are many things we as a species will never have the answer to. The best and only thing we can do is follow the evidence to the most rational conclusion. When looking for answeres about the meaning of life the only evidence we have to guide us comes from our emotions. If doing something makes you feel good about who you are in your community do it if not don't. so either god gave you these feelings to guide you or you choose to do things because they make you feel good. Either way, you know what's right don't worry about the rest who can know.

Just my two cents. hope it helps.
 

Ferguson

Registrant
I was "rescued" from being a rent boy in London in 1984 (I know it was a result of CSA and lack of trust in my parents - betrayal). I became a Christian at 20 and I'm 56 now. It has been a very difficult journey and I have seen miracles but it was never the "quick fix" I thought was on offer. I believe all I am expected to do on my part is trust just for today, and follow The Maker's instructions. My understand of The Way has changed massively and I would say I get what the Bible is about much more each year. I struggle with all the things that a person who was not heard or helped regarding CSA would have trouble with, and I accept now that I have to start from there. I have had much fantasy and addiction as survival methods and have needed them to be peeled away, mostly reluctantly. Progress but no magic wand. He does care but not in the way I would want.

Keep seeking,
Ferguson
 
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