The Question
Hello Community,
As I had spent this past period in therapy, am now doing a group type program, and I spend a great deal of time on this site. I post, read, and respond to other posts, and go into the chatrooms quite frequently. I listen, absorb, I read, and do pay attention to what others have to say. All of this I take in which in turn gets it due consideration, or as much as I can give it.
I have abandoned the concept that I can somehow think my way our of this because I tried that for so long. Decades of trying to outsmart a foe who is unassailable in this fashion, or at least that is my conclusion. Throw every bit of brain power and logic you want at it and it never even scratches it. Not one little ding in its armor will you be able to make.
I have tried so many different things over the years that I cannot recall them all now. My failure thus far has not been lacking effort, inaccessibility to the healthcare one needs for this, I even turned to the highest authority of all at one point and not in a superficial way, I was all in. If that did not do me any good was a failure at that also?.
So, I just have one question and I don’t think it unfair to ask, I mean it is what everyone is here for right? What we see the specialists for, and all those previous things I have mentioned I have tried. I mean the question is simple, is the remainder of my life consigned to live it out like a train wreck in slow motion? Or.
Does it possibly ever get any damn better, whatsoever, in any fashion, or is that an illusion people tell themselves so that they can get up everyday?
I will say something now which is a sentiment I thought I was incapable of because typically I am such a fighter and refuse to loose. Often now I find myself thinking that I wished that d@mn cancer would have done its job and finished me off. I am so tired of fighting this and loosing instead of gaining. I know this is not inspirational, uplifting or any of those good things. What it has turned into is how I feel, and I cannot help but acknowledge that.
With Deep Respect,
Jrperky010101
As I had spent this past period in therapy, am now doing a group type program, and I spend a great deal of time on this site. I post, read, and respond to other posts, and go into the chatrooms quite frequently. I listen, absorb, I read, and do pay attention to what others have to say. All of this I take in which in turn gets it due consideration, or as much as I can give it.
I have abandoned the concept that I can somehow think my way our of this because I tried that for so long. Decades of trying to outsmart a foe who is unassailable in this fashion, or at least that is my conclusion. Throw every bit of brain power and logic you want at it and it never even scratches it. Not one little ding in its armor will you be able to make.
I have tried so many different things over the years that I cannot recall them all now. My failure thus far has not been lacking effort, inaccessibility to the healthcare one needs for this, I even turned to the highest authority of all at one point and not in a superficial way, I was all in. If that did not do me any good was a failure at that also?.
So, I just have one question and I don’t think it unfair to ask, I mean it is what everyone is here for right? What we see the specialists for, and all those previous things I have mentioned I have tried. I mean the question is simple, is the remainder of my life consigned to live it out like a train wreck in slow motion? Or.
Does it possibly ever get any damn better, whatsoever, in any fashion, or is that an illusion people tell themselves so that they can get up everyday?
I will say something now which is a sentiment I thought I was incapable of because typically I am such a fighter and refuse to loose. Often now I find myself thinking that I wished that d@mn cancer would have done its job and finished me off. I am so tired of fighting this and loosing instead of gaining. I know this is not inspirational, uplifting or any of those good things. What it has turned into is how I feel, and I cannot help but acknowledge that.
With Deep Respect,
Jrperky010101