The Poll of all Polls.

The Poll of all Polls.
good points Don-NY and Lloydy. So many ways a poll can be interperted: negatively, positively, doesn't apply to me, what and how to draw conclusions, etc...

KISS (keep it simple sam)?

Better to be direct and ask (or make a statement)? Yes! So much of my way of expressing myself has been guarded and indirect because I've felt like a freak and that if people around me knew what happened to me and how I've coped with it, they would not want to be friends with me... etc... etc...

My thoughts are this about polls in general, and then I'll offer an alternative.

Since finding this lifeline of a web site last fall it has been wonderful to get validation on my ways of thinking, feeling, reacting - as I went through my abuse, and after the abuse ended and continued my life as an adult (adult in body only that is).

That I'm not alone, that other men have had similar experiences and sometimes dysfunctional ways of dealing with life, that I actually have something in common with other human beings - this is perhaps the number one thing that means the most to me. Other number one things are the sharing, solutions, and caring that goes on here. A poll for me is just another way of finding a common ground to relate to the other men here.

So many times I've read something here in the forums (or the articles on the web site) and breathed a sigh of relief or had a moment of "oh geez, so that's why I think/feel/have done or do now and it's related to the abuse". I guess I was thinking that if there were enough questions in a poll or polls, that anyone could find some common ground to know they weren't alone.

The alternative I'm thinking about, which is better for me the more I consider it, is to take the questions posed here for polling and answer those I feel comfortable with answering in a public manner (and I can write answers just for myself and my T). For me it will sort like those dumb email 'getting to know you' things that get passed around - boxers or briefs? Only these questions are just a wee bit more meaningful.

In closing and switching gears a question Don-NY asked:

OMG, yes, current local/global events are having a big impact on my attitude. I'm discouraged about the ways things are going with the USA heading toward war. The problem is how to discuss current affairs without having it turn into a big political flaming hot potato. If I get up the gumption, I'll post my thoughts in the unmoderated/anything goes forum.

A three-sided penny for anyone's thoughts,

jer

p.s. my thanks to all of you for the support i've gotten.
 
Polls can be used to gather helpful info, to help us know what we're up against in fighting SA, to help people find more common ground & connections to help in starting discussion. No doubt there are other ways to do such things. Perhaps they should be used selectively and maybe at least start with just simple questions as Dave said collecting hard data.

Victor
 
It was fascinating reading everyone's thoughts on polls. Generally I like polls that help assess where I am in my journey and lets me know others are working on their journey too. I would hope that polls do stir thinking, assessing, talking because it becomes personal not just a statistic (which seems to sit there idle).

By the way, Don-NY, all this fuss in the world does not have me upset to much because if it happens - I'm going to deal with it. If it does not happen - I'm going to deal with it. They haven't asked for my opinion - so they'll proceed without it. I generally lok and address those things I can do and put on the back burner those things I can't do!
 
It was fascinating reading everyone's thoughts on polls. Generally I like polls that help assess where I am in my journey and lets me know others are working on their journey too. I would hope that polls do stir thinking, assessing, talking because it becomes personal not just a statistic (which seems to sit there idle).

By the way, Don-NY, all this fuss in the world does not have me upset to much because if it happens - I'm going to deal with it. If it does not happen - I'm going to deal with it. They haven't asked for my opinion - so they'll proceed without it. I generally lok and address those things I can do and put on the back burner those things I can't do!
 
Since it appears polls are on there way, I have two points/suggestions,

1)Polls should posted by administrators, only.
Questions & formats for polls should be directed to the/an administrators.

2) Please keep in mind that when you post a poll, the results may alienate the minorities of the polls.
We are the people that already have a great and terrible stigma /stereotypes.
Its hard, to have to need, a support group. It takes courage to brave the world and all its opinions. all those ideas of what's normal, what's ok, accptable...

I poll can be validating, if your in the majority. It can be quite painful, frightning, depressing to be the one who thought, or felt outside the neat little box of the Poll... Its bad enough not being accepted by the world, your family, your friends, but the possibility, of the feeling, of being on the outside of the "norm" amoung one's peers here...well, isn't that what we are all fighting against here?
To be accepted for who we are. To have each and every persons life and experiences validated. To not judge, but to welcome. To not let even one person feel alone, aboandoned... strange...sick.

Be careful with those Polls, or else risk becoming that which you seek to avoid by coming here in the first place.
 
Blacken:

You make a very good point, which I agree with and which I feel.

Here's another perspective to add to that:

As we all know, even as male survivors we are each unique in our individuality & our particular situations. Positively this means we're all special. Negatively it means we're all different.

With one another seems the safest place to, starting with each other, begin to perceive & relate to one another in our differences as special; ie move from more negative to more positive thinking, feeling & relating.

Polls bring out our uniquenesses, in one of the more immediate & obvious ways.

On the one hand, this is good if we see each other positively, and it's an easy format & context in which to practice so doing.

On the other hand, it's not so good if we see each other negatively, and it's also an easy place
in which to do this.

Either way, however, it can perform us the service of showing us how we perceive one another.

As any of us see our perceptions as more negative, rather graphically, displayed for all to see in the poll and our response to it in how we relate to others, it can help us deal with it and move toward being more positive.

If we see our perceptions being & becoming more positive, it encourages not only us but our fellow survivors, and encourages others to perceive, and relate, more positively as well.

Having said all that, even when we relate to others in a negative matter becuz of polls, what does that really say? That polls cause us to see & treat each other more negatively? Or that we may already be doing so, and maybe the poll just makes it plainer? If so isn't that a good thing?

Yes, when we respond to polls we set ourselves up for being responded to as members of a minority. Maybe positively, but yes maybe negatively.

Yet isn't this what we do by just being here, every time we post, every time we share a bit of ourselves & of our story, every time we give a response to another's story or opinion, every time we comment on a world event or a favorite song or a particular personal belief or idea.

If polls bring this out in a more immediately obvious way, don't they also bring it out in a less personal way? You've not shown yourself as a "minority member" in words & pictures, in detailed & personal ways. In fact unless you comment on your minority (or majority) response, who's to know for sure anyway?

The good news about this is that if you want to make it more personal you can. By commenting, and encouraging comments from others, you can learn of others who may share some of the more unique aspects of your own survival experiences, and share in this uniqueness with them.

Blacken, this is not a wholesale vote in favor of polls. It's just another perspective, another opinion, mine. Opinions, my friend, are like ears: all of us have 'em (or were meant to), they're all a bit different, they are not incompatible, and the bottom line is no one's are any better or worse than anyone else's.
SCIswa59.gif


And so it is with polls...

Victor

PS: Be assured your two concerns are being addressed. Only administrators can post polls, and poll ideas must go thru them; in particular, the discussion board administrator, Dave (Lloydy).
The risks are being carefully weighed, and there will be definite guidelines for polling.
 
Victor... yup!

Blacken, I'm really struck by what you've written. Pardon me if I take anything out of context.

It can be quite painful, frightning, depressing to be the one who thought, or felt outside the neat little box of the Poll... Its bad enough not being accepted by the world, your family, your friends, but the possibility, of the feeling, of being on the outside of the "norm" amoung one's peers here...well, isn't that what we are all fighting against here?
Click to expand...
I hope it's what were fighting against here. I feel outside the box here a lot of the time. I have some issues that are just too damn triggering for others (and even me most of the time) for me to risk talking about here in the Public or Members Forums.

I've felt outside the box of normal since I was about 12. Alienated, unaccepted by peers, unworthy, unable to relate/communicate with others... the self protective walls i've built are huge, my spirit feels so small inside trying to get out.

I want to heal, to live a normal life, to be normal.

To be accepted for who we are. To have each and every persons life and experiences validated. To not judge, but to welcome. To not let even one person feel alone, abandoned... strange...sick.
Click to expand...
I don't know whether to cry or scream. These two sentences sum it all up for me. I try so hard to do this but fail to do it, with others here and myself.

Are these two sentences what these Forums are about?

Would these two sentence make a good addition to the Mission Statement (main page of MS)?

I'm selling myself short and discounting the support I've gotten from some men I truly respect here, I'm sorry guys, it's not you men here...

I'm not doing ok. I reach out for help and support from the men (and women too) here.

jer
 
I'm not doing ok. I reach out for help and support from the men (and women too) here.

jer
Click to expand...
Jer, I'm sorry you're not doing ok. Keep reaching out for the support here. You've got it.

TC & TTYL bro

Victor
 
The last thing I want to do is upset anyone by using polls in any way that could alienate them, Blacken makes the point perfectly in the paragraph that Guy43 quoted. And a lot of others have made the same point as well.

I think that to ask, as I've said here before, any questions about "who did what and how long for ?" isn't really helpful and quite possibly damaging. That's the impression I get from reading through this post anyway, and It's my opinion as well to add my 2 cents.

The polls we use should add something to our recovery by providing information, or confirming our beliefs, in a way that is useful to some but not damaging to anyone. Quite a task, and one we should all be involved in, especially if you believe it will be harmful.

What I think I'll do is float the idea for any poll as a new topic, then we can gauge the reaction and perfect the question before I actually post it as a poll.

Is that a plan ?

Dave
 
SO........

Ignoring the fact that it was February when we last discussed this :rolleyes: here's a question that we need a list for to make a poll.

What physical ailments would you attribute to your sexual abuse ?

Now I know this is going to be a 'rough and ready' affair with no real accuracy but many of us seem to have strange or uncommon ailments and it might just make us aware that others share them and we might be able to gain some help.

So for now all I need is a list of ailments, if it's something that's uncommon then add a BRIEF description so it becomes recognizable.

If we get a good list then I'll knock a poll out and we can maybe get a discussion going after ?

Here's a couple to start and some I got from earlier in this post.

Dave

Sleep disorders, Aponea, etc

heart disease,

diabetes,

crohns

Migranous Neuralgia ( aka Hortons neuralgia / cluster headaches / easter headaches )

P.T.S.D. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Temporal Mandibular Dysfunction -- bruxism and pain in the Temporal Mandibular Joint are largely due to some form of stress in the individuals life. It seems that grinding of one's teeth is a cause.
 
Hi Mike Church here

I have had anorexia
bulemia
Addiction to alcohol
Addiction to heroin
Addiction to violence
They were all directly related to my abuse
 
Complex PTSD
Fibromyalgia (FM)
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS)
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Severe Clinical Depression
Sleep Apnea
TMD
Degenerative Arthritis
High Blood Pressure
Allergies
Migraines
Addictions: Sex, Food, Narcotics, Alcohol, etc.

Victor
 
Anxiety disorder
Panic Attacks
inability to concentrate
easily tired

I know those last two are iffy, but I put 'em in anyway.

James
 
I Have
  • PTSD
  • Anxiety dissorder
  • depression
I also have no boundries in relationships with women.
I spend impulsively
I usually can not sleep unless I rock myself to sleep
I have sexual compulsions that I can now control with difficulty
I have scars from cutting and burning - although I haven't done that for nearly three months.
 
I have:
Heart Disease
Vascular Disease
Diabetes type 2
Peripheral artery disease
Cerebral artery disease
Narcolepsy (sleep disorder)
Cataplexy (sleep disorder effected greatly by emotional state as well as physical)
Mild apnea
Restless Leg Syndrome (sleep disorder)
Hypnogogic Hallucinations (related to sleep disorders)
Hypertension (high blood pressure)
PTSD
Anxiety / Panic disorder
Depression
Eating disorders (mostly self starvation)
Migraines
Addictions to - Cigarrettes, Caffiene
Bruxism
Manic behaviors @ times
Co Dependancy (not sure if this counts)
Muscle & joint problems directly resulting from beatings as a child
Dental problems directly related to starvation as child (i.e. easily broken teeth)

Have abused legal & illegal drugs & alcohol @ sex @ various points in my life
Very Passive Aggressive personality

thanks, wifey1
 
Originally posted by Lloydy:
SO........

Ignoring the fact that it was February when we last discussed this :rolleyes: here's a question that we need a list for to make a poll.

What physical ailments would you attribute to your sexual abuse ?

Click to expand...
Kind of a hard question to answer as I might even be able to tie "foot fungus" to abuse in some ways.

With this in mind...

1. Syphillis
2. Gonorrhea
3. NGU
4. Staphlococcus Aureus
5. Bicycle substance abuse (That is to say, I never stick with one substance. Cigs, drugs, sex, alchohol esp.)
6. Physical self-abuse (At my worst times, slapping myself around. I really know how to hate/berate myself.)

Most of mine "physically" have been through sexual acting out over the years. :(

I am just thankful not HIV so far though it hasn't been for lack of trying. That's one of the things I think that has brought me here. I'm not as they say 'poz' yet. Don't want to be since I've seen/know what it means. I feel like for some reason, that is why I haven't sero-converted. But time does run out. I really need to work through all this before I let that happen.
 
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