The pain of hiding became greater....


New Registrant
What up all, happy to be here in a place that I already know will be supportive. I'm just glad I had the courage to finally sign up and speak up.

Much like when I self enrolled in alcohol rehab, the pain of doing it my way was worse than the pain of trying something new.... This forum is the same. I have tried and tried to do this alone with therapy support and a 12 step group but even with that - I am still alone. My mother was the abuser and that makes it all the more complicated. Oh - and I didn't know any of the abuse happened other than "my mom was a crazy alcoholic" - until I was 39 years old. I had to resign from work almost 3 years ago and go into full time recovery for a while to deal with this little surprise that arrived white gloved in the form of flashbacks. They came shortly after she died of liver failure. My rage became so bad I went into hiding.

I haven't had a drink now in 2 years, proud of that. I am making great progress, proud of that. Yet sadly two weeks ago I moved out of my house and am living alone separate from my wife. We have two small children, who I see daily. My wife is a trigger and I needed a safe place to calm down, for starters. I have no idea where this is going, other than it is all therapy supported and approved and I have pretty much decided to let them call the shots because my radar / guidance system is so faulty right now. It's way off and PTSD does that.

So welcome me, welcome you - Reboot always brings the fresh drama so grab your popcorn and enjoy! :)

I am honored to be part of this community of strong, strong individuals. We got this.
Welcome Reboot. I'm glad you have support already giving you proper guidance for your situation. I'm fumbled through life when my flashbacks hit earlier this year. As you say, PTSD does that. I'm also happy to be here with other wonderful men (and not alone) while healing from my childhood. I hope your kids are understanding of the family changes, it can be difficult for them. My CSA discovery has been difficult for mine at times.

The Bluefoot

Welcome Reboot, You have arrived at one of the most amazing groups on the internet that real helps people become better and finding themselves and working a recovery. and healing. I found this place less the 3 months ago myself. And have made 2 friends and feel like Im on the road towards a real healing journey. My sexual abuse started when I was 6, physical abuse at age 9 and mental abuse by 11. I never told my parents until this past March at there graves. PTSD takes me to hell and back often and flash backs makes working very hard. I had to take a vacation for the summer for my very good job and deliver pizza instead so I had time for my mind to heal. I hope by September I be able to return to the head of marketing for a finical company. You have found the right place. Read our stories, ask lots of questions, when ready post your stories getting out of your system helps in the long run. Talk to lots of us. Things will get better but it takes time. Thanks for coming.