The Opponent

Hello Community,
I wanted to talk about a topic that had been on my mind for quite some time now. It has only recently come to my attention and once I explain I think you will all see why. This opponent of mine has dogged me since when I went to college for the fist time. I did not realize it, but this foe was very crafty. When, I actively engaged them the hate and the rage started to build that I carry around with me no matter where I seem to go. My opponent knew all the dirty tricks, just the exact right way to get to me every single time.

Oh, I am a fighter, and you had better believe that, not so much since the health problems, but before realizing would heave fell out with the best of them. There is a huge duality about me in that; for everything I have lost in that kind of fight I don’t ever allow defeat. I just won’t give up regardless of how hard hard the going gets. Sure, I get down, I am human and yesterday I failed with post. My opponent is as present as much now as he has ever been. He was yesterday, without mercy, does not possess one ounce of compassion, and apparently cannot be happy unless I am unhappy.

All my tricks, formidable training, experience, and sheer determination fail me every time I engage him. He has a lot of tricks as well and training just like mine. He will fight dirty because we have been enemies so long, he knows the weak spots and never hesitates to us them, I have begun to realize my opponent has been winning. It didn’t happen right off the bat but slowly over time, he really started to get me.

This is a hard opponent to beat and without some sort of intervention was always bound to get the better of me eventually, as enough time wore on. My opponent I have talked so much about is me, I have spent decades fighting myself over this one. Trying to defeat your own self is difficult at best, I mean you know every skill, every secret, every weakness that you have. My opponent, which has been myself has been relentless. For any that may be confused, no there is no personality disorder here. I have the inner part of me that is full of this anger and hatred and rage, vindictiveness, fear, self-loathing, and the feeling I somehow caused all of this.

This part of me has been here for decades now, but there is a very good part in there also; What I think of as being the real me. He is kindhearted and good; has a great deal to offer the world, but he has been beaten down. So, I think it is time for me and my opponent to to have a change of tactics. I mean we are ultimately one person, so how could how I possibly get anywhere while I have this internal battle going on? My T is going turn back-flips out of the water, like a porpoise at Sea World when we discuss this. How this has gone on for so long and me not see it, I have no explanation for.

There is nothing to solve, just recognize it for what it is and get to work on it. That part of me that carries all this negative stuff and that is so far so off my normal baseline, bad news for you. It will take time, effort, blood, sweat, and tears to do it. I am slowly going to re assume control of my life as much as I can, which means you
have got a butt kicking coming. I just happen to know a man up for a job like that, me
With Deep Respect,
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Hey, Thanks for sharing. I can relate. My belief is that the person you want to be is who we really are. Despite all the obstacles and internal resistance, stay on course. You’re a brave man and keep fighting!