The Older Man who abused Me

[Trev]

At 13 my body already had been sexually active with boys in our neighborhood. Including my older brother, who shared me with one of his best friends and then they introduced me to other boys my age and younger that they messed around with.

At 13, though one of my closest non-sexual friends dad took an interest in me and then at our camp as he came to help his son that is where things started.

I can now call what he did abuse, and some days it feels like he was not the only one betraying a trust, there are times I feel like my boy body betrayed me as well.

He made me feel loved not hurt, He listened to me, not dismissed me, He gave me attention where everyone else in my worldseemed to be overlooking my me or just looking over my head.

I am in therapy now and some days are still consumed with the thoughts of the first sexual experiences I had with him, these can still cause my heart to race because the orgasms I had with him were quite different than with any of the boys I had been with.

I

 

[Gomers]

I understand what you mean. I was 14 when my coach made me feel exactly the same. The attention, the praise and the sexual pleasure. It lasted about a year and then he seemed to just drop me. I was devastated.

Looking back I realise that I probably outgrew his taste but at the time I thought I had done something wrong.

It is only recently that I have been able to accept this as abuse, as up until that point I blamed myself and my body’s reaction. I would be excited and wait eagerly for my next visit to his house. I think the guilt was made worse because society describes these sexual acts as wrong and that I should not have received pleasure from them. It’s so difficult to this day to reconcile the fact I wanted it.

 

[KevinGKG]

ome days are still consumed with the thoughts of the first sexual experiences I had with him, these can still cause my heart to race because the orgasms I had with him were quite different than with any of the boys I had been with.

This is understandable as is the confusion and shame that may accompany it. One of my mother's live in boyfriends sort of filled this role for us. He was around many afternoons when we got home from school, and he was there many evenings when my mother was out working. He opened the door to many "adult" (=secret) things, and that felt special. My arousal, unmistakable, it seemed. His arousal...sort of an affirmation. It seemed special. My mother's dismissive or unconcerned attitude (such as when she came home from work one night and found us in the shower), seemed to make it all a-ok...

 

[dcwofhs90]

As you know, this post checks a number of boxes for me.