The nature of Abuse

[John Oarc]

Ever wanted to feel like you are not alone, look at nature.

First Scenario.

Abused puppy:

Timid, does not fight over food, whimpers a lot, not aggressive.


When he becomes an Adult dog:

We have all seen them, they will slowly walk up to a stranger with their head turned to the side, shy and timid. He is expecting abuse but wants to be loved, he turns over and lays on his back in submission.

This adult dog will not be the one who plays hard or appears confident at first, but with a lot of love he can become a great dog.

Second Scenario.

The adult abused Dog:

Aggressive, mean, will bight you, not social at all.


How many of us have nurtured an animal like this back into the living.

There is more to this than what I have written but it is just food for thought.

I am not trying to compare our abuse to animals but in a way it has its parallels. It helped me to understand that even abused animals act as I have, so in a way it helped me feel that I have reacted in a natural way to my abuse.


We can make it with a lot of love and support.

 

[roadrunner]

John,

I think what you are zeroing in on is the incredible importance of patience, compassion and love. Without these we are nothing, with them our potential is almost boundless.

Much love,
Larry

 

[John Oarc]

I thought it would help others, it helped me to look at nature, I saw some things I have done in my past and still do in the present. When I get into a group of guys I still have some hesitency about myself, some esteem issues, some idea that they can see through me. I don't lay on my back in the submissive position but in my mind I am a bit submissive at times. I have been mean, anti social, snappy, ready to fight. I have been a mixture of what I have seen in an abused animal.

 

[reality2k4]

John,

I too use the animal analogy, I watch loads of animal behaviour and humans act just the same.
None of us can talk, so we take what we find and somehow make a life of it.

Society is blinded by its lack of using animal instincts to study behaviour of its own species,

ste

 

[Morning Star]

An OBSERVATION:

An abused dog doesn't really go into submission for his fear of abuse, but rather because he thinks that is the way will he will get love.

For me that was the way, I got love for the first time and became a benchmark for me in the years to come, in a way I was only repeating my childhood patterns learnt as victim of parental abuse and later sexual abuse.

And the way out was to retrain my mind into thinking what is love and what is just control.

And yes 'know' my own boundaries, both physical, sexual and yes emotional too and be willing to respect them, and yes once I respect them others follow!

The anti-social or the aggressive dog is only a mask worn by a scared dog. Though it keeps him safe it keeps me aloof and hence lonely. But inside he is also willing to become too eager to please, the moment he feel safe or seemingly finds a rare bone, thus becoming prone to abuse once again.

The challenge is to maintain the right balance between maintaining boundaries and openness, and knowing that you will be respected no matter what and above all, to make love an expression rather than your need.