the most important post i have made here.
the most important post i have made here.
- Thread starterkuurt
- Start date
Kurt,
That is a good letter. I could almost feel your pain and confusion as I read it. I would strongly encourage you to give it to her. I am sure she will want more detail about just exactly what it is that adam did to you. I know that if I were your parent, I would want more details. You can tell her when she asks or include it in the letter, your choice.
There is one thing I do know. Life won't get better until you break the silence and tell someone who can help. Your mother cerainly has it within her power to help.
Love ya
Darrel
That is a good letter. I could almost feel your pain and confusion as I read it. I would strongly encourage you to give it to her. I am sure she will want more detail about just exactly what it is that adam did to you. I know that if I were your parent, I would want more details. You can tell her when she asks or include it in the letter, your choice.
There is one thing I do know. Life won't get better until you break the silence and tell someone who can help. Your mother cerainly has it within her power to help.
Love ya
Darrel
Kurt,
You did really good with your letter. You've expressed your fears well, both your fear of Adam, and your fear of your mother's reaction. I wouldn't change any of that.
I think I would try to be more specific about what it was that he did to you at least to the point where she would know without a doubt that it was sexual in nature. I don't think you would need to say more than that in your letter. Details could be exchanged in the conversation which would be sure to follow her reading it. Changing it is not necessary of course, It's real good the way it is.
One other thing to consider is that you might want to plan somewhere safe to go in case your mother's reaction turns out very badly. I hope it won't, and I think you've said the right things in you letter to keep that from happening.
You have my complete care and understanding as you make this step.
Lots of love,
John
You did really good with your letter. You've expressed your fears well, both your fear of Adam, and your fear of your mother's reaction. I wouldn't change any of that.
I think I would try to be more specific about what it was that he did to you at least to the point where she would know without a doubt that it was sexual in nature. I don't think you would need to say more than that in your letter. Details could be exchanged in the conversation which would be sure to follow her reading it. Changing it is not necessary of course, It's real good the way it is.
One other thing to consider is that you might want to plan somewhere safe to go in case your mother's reaction turns out very badly. I hope it won't, and I think you've said the right things in you letter to keep that from happening.
You have my complete care and understanding as you make this step.
Lots of love,
John
johnsurvived
Registrant
Kuurt,
As a 44-year-old in the process of disclosing to his mom, many many many years after I could have, I offer you support. You've written a good letter. If you don't want to edit, don't feel like you have to. You can present this to your mom as a "I need to talk to you" icebreaker and take it from there, if you like. But most of all, I know, personally and right now, how scary it is to make this step. I'm here for you, and everyone else here is, too. You done good there, Kuurt. Real good.
John
As a 44-year-old in the process of disclosing to his mom, many many many years after I could have, I offer you support. You've written a good letter. If you don't want to edit, don't feel like you have to. You can present this to your mom as a "I need to talk to you" icebreaker and take it from there, if you like. But most of all, I know, personally and right now, how scary it is to make this step. I'm here for you, and everyone else here is, too. You done good there, Kuurt. Real good.
John
kuurt, I remember telling my mum. I was scared to death. I like the letter and I think it is a good way to broach the subject with your mother.
Also, keep a copy of the letter in an envelope addressed to the police (or just write police on it) and leave it somewhere you can get to it easily. That way, if things go badly for you, grab the letter and take it to the station. I did that and it was great knowing I had the backup.
Good luck bro.
Also, keep a copy of the letter in an envelope addressed to the police (or just write police on it) and leave it somewhere you can get to it easily. That way, if things go badly for you, grab the letter and take it to the station. I did that and it was great knowing I had the backup.
Good luck bro.
Bill_h_pike
Registrant
Kuurt,
I told my parents with a letter. It hurt to write. I remember trembling as I left that letter out on the table. However, the night went well. Being able to talk about my "dirty little secret" took a huge burden off me.
It will take you a lot of courage to give that note to your mom. Courage like that is something that may only come to you once in a lifetime. But you only need to find your courage once. You've already gound some of thet courage. You're only babysteps away. After that things will get better.
There are a lot of different ways you can give your mom that letter. Of course the most obvious is just to hand it to her. I left it out in a place I knew my parents would find it. You could also mail it to yourself. Maybe you could drop it in a "bully box" at school and talk to a school consoler first. Just make sure you find a way to tell your mom
I wish you the best of luck. If you succeed in telling your mom you will open up a new chapter in your life. Things will change for the better. At the very least your mom will understand you.
Good Luck!!
I told my parents with a letter. It hurt to write. I remember trembling as I left that letter out on the table. However, the night went well. Being able to talk about my "dirty little secret" took a huge burden off me.
It will take you a lot of courage to give that note to your mom. Courage like that is something that may only come to you once in a lifetime. But you only need to find your courage once. You've already gound some of thet courage. You're only babysteps away. After that things will get better.
There are a lot of different ways you can give your mom that letter. Of course the most obvious is just to hand it to her. I left it out in a place I knew my parents would find it. You could also mail it to yourself. Maybe you could drop it in a "bully box" at school and talk to a school consoler first. Just make sure you find a way to tell your mom
I wish you the best of luck. If you succeed in telling your mom you will open up a new chapter in your life. Things will change for the better. At the very least your mom will understand you.
Good Luck!!
Hi Kuurt,
Good advice above. I think the letter is good and explains how you feel very well. I waited over 30 years to tell my parents and I used a letter to do it. It was the safest way for me. Send the letter to your mom and your dad too if you think he'd understand and be supportive. You need to get Adam out of your life for your own peace of mind.
Dale
Good advice above. I think the letter is good and explains how you feel very well. I waited over 30 years to tell my parents and I used a letter to do it. It was the safest way for me. Send the letter to your mom and your dad too if you think he'd understand and be supportive. You need to get Adam out of your life for your own peace of mind.
Dale
Hauser
Registrant
Kuurt, I'm totally behind you on this ok?
I would add that I'm inclined to agree with Walkingsouth as far as pointing out a few details that would make the nature of what you're talking about unmistakably true and give it some shock value.
If ever you hesitate to do this, I suggest that you remember how angry and hurt you are right now, and to use that anger (yes anger can be used for good.)
My anger at my own life circumstances which resulted from my abuse gave me the motivation to point my finger at my parents and showed them that they failed to protect me, which was done via a letter that I shared here on the DB which I believe you read as well.
Another point, the first time you tell is ALWAYS the hardest, that's why it's taken you and many of us so long to do it, we wish we could just ignore it and just try to "live our lives and forget about the past", but it doesn't work that way. Once you turn some magical age of 18 or 21 or 35 or whatever, the problems DON'T go away.
Kuurt you're about to make a major decision, and we all know that your totally stressed right now, please know that we're thinking about you and we'll help you anyway we can.
I would add that I'm inclined to agree with Walkingsouth as far as pointing out a few details that would make the nature of what you're talking about unmistakably true and give it some shock value.
If ever you hesitate to do this, I suggest that you remember how angry and hurt you are right now, and to use that anger (yes anger can be used for good.)
My anger at my own life circumstances which resulted from my abuse gave me the motivation to point my finger at my parents and showed them that they failed to protect me, which was done via a letter that I shared here on the DB which I believe you read as well.
Another point, the first time you tell is ALWAYS the hardest, that's why it's taken you and many of us so long to do it, we wish we could just ignore it and just try to "live our lives and forget about the past", but it doesn't work that way. Once you turn some magical age of 18 or 21 or 35 or whatever, the problems DON'T go away.
Kuurt you're about to make a major decision, and we all know that your totally stressed right now, please know that we're thinking about you and we'll help you anyway we can.
kuurt i think you should give it to her and if she doesnt help you write another one and give it to your dad ,kuurt whatever you decide to do we are behind you ok.i think you should but i will understand if you dont , either way i will be here for you. shadow
And Kurt, even if at the last min. you find that you can't go through with it, we're still here for you and care. You'll do fine tho.
Safe hugs,
John
Safe hugs,
John
johnsurvived
Registrant
There it is, dude. Everybody says do it one way or another, which means the one right way to do this is your way. We're here to respect what you decide in this matter, and give you support as you go forward.
John
John
roadrunner
Registrant
Kurt,
Well, you already know how I feel about this one! It's a great letter and it says what needs to be said.
Remember my comparison in chat to being carried away down a raging river with tree branches hanging over the water. Here, or 10, or 20 miles down the river you have to grab a branch and get out of the water. It's the only way. And YOU have to do it. It may not be a great branch, or a great place to get out, and in any case you will still be hurt and wet. But at least you will be out of the river!
Have you thought of the possibility of sending a copy of the letter to your Dad? Are you on good terms with him? Or could you give a copy to the school nurse as well?
I know you feel scared to death about this. Have a look at what Bill wrote; it's okay to be scared. But this is really the only way if you want any results.
That said, don't feel you are being pushed into this. It's just that we can all see what needs to happen. But if you can't give her the letter right away that's okay. We will all be here for you.
What you are talking about is a deed that will take great courage. You will have to fight against the fear built up over years, and that won't be easy. But it is also a deed that will shape the rest of your life.
Much love,
Larry
Well, you already know how I feel about this one! It's a great letter and it says what needs to be said.
Remember my comparison in chat to being carried away down a raging river with tree branches hanging over the water. Here, or 10, or 20 miles down the river you have to grab a branch and get out of the water. It's the only way. And YOU have to do it. It may not be a great branch, or a great place to get out, and in any case you will still be hurt and wet. But at least you will be out of the river!
Have you thought of the possibility of sending a copy of the letter to your Dad? Are you on good terms with him? Or could you give a copy to the school nurse as well?
I know you feel scared to death about this. Have a look at what Bill wrote; it's okay to be scared. But this is really the only way if you want any results.
That said, don't feel you are being pushed into this. It's just that we can all see what needs to happen. But if you can't give her the letter right away that's okay. We will all be here for you.
What you are talking about is a deed that will take great courage. You will have to fight against the fear built up over years, and that won't be easy. But it is also a deed that will shape the rest of your life.
Much love,
Larry
Hi Kurt,
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your father but I agree with the others that it might be wise of you to send him a copy of your letter.
It must feel very scary right now but just this one step is going to begin the positive process of your recovery.
If you were to ask the older guys who have disclosed to their parents I think we all wish we could have done it sooner as perhaps it would have saved some time, which is just so precious. What we may have forgotten, though, is that for whatever reason we did hold back and those reasons were strong enough.
Call it fear, guilt, shame, whatever. It held us in its grasp until we said to our selves, Enough! and broke the silence.
You can do this Kurt and from where I sit it's your time to take the power back from that POS who hurt you. Let him explain what he did. You don't have to.
You have our unconditional support Kurt. Your letter is such a powerful testament to you as a survivor. Well done.
BTW, a school nurse may be covered by what's called a "Mandatory Reporter" law. If he or she receives a copy of your letter there may be no choice for them as to what their next step has to be. Your safety is most important to all of us. I won't say "be strong" because you already are.
Best regards,
Zipser
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your father but I agree with the others that it might be wise of you to send him a copy of your letter.
It must feel very scary right now but just this one step is going to begin the positive process of your recovery.
If you were to ask the older guys who have disclosed to their parents I think we all wish we could have done it sooner as perhaps it would have saved some time, which is just so precious. What we may have forgotten, though, is that for whatever reason we did hold back and those reasons were strong enough.
Call it fear, guilt, shame, whatever. It held us in its grasp until we said to our selves, Enough! and broke the silence.
You can do this Kurt and from where I sit it's your time to take the power back from that POS who hurt you. Let him explain what he did. You don't have to.
You have our unconditional support Kurt. Your letter is such a powerful testament to you as a survivor. Well done.
BTW, a school nurse may be covered by what's called a "Mandatory Reporter" law. If he or she receives a copy of your letter there may be no choice for them as to what their next step has to be. Your safety is most important to all of us. I won't say "be strong" because you already are.
Best regards,
Zipser
reality2k4
Registrant
Kurt,
I read the letter earlier, and it sounds good to me.
Keeping your mind safe from him is a priority, He is probably hurting other kids.
I hope you can find the courage to give it to your Mom.
Maybe leave it where she can find it.
I hope she understands, and makes a better bonding with her son,
ste
I read the letter earlier, and it sounds good to me.
Keeping your mind safe from him is a priority, He is probably hurting other kids.
I hope you can find the courage to give it to your Mom.
Maybe leave it where she can find it.
I hope she understands, and makes a better bonding with her son,
ste
Kurt,
Just checking in to say I've been thinking of you and hoping good things for you. You have the strength to make it through this.
Lots of love,
John
Just checking in to say I've been thinking of you and hoping good things for you. You have the strength to make it through this.
Lots of love,
John
Bill_h_pike
Registrant
Kuurt,
The suffering won't end until you say something. I mentally prepped myself a half dozen times before I actually left that note out. Keep trying, eventually you will find the courage you need.
The suffering won't end until you say something. I mentally prepped myself a half dozen times before I actually left that note out. Keep trying, eventually you will find the courage you need.
Kuurt,
You have my support too. I know you can do it. If she doesn't believe you for whatever reason or makes life worse for you you'll at least have a good reason to distance your life from her.
I told my mother about my abuse a couple years back while on the phone and all she could say to me was that we ought to keep it a secret between us and never tell the rest of the family nor anyone else. It was her father(my grandfather) that abused me. I never again revealed to her anything else and she never asked me nor wanted to know the details. It's obvious that she lives in fear or doesn't really care about me but either way she now must live not knowing who I am and what has become of me.
Regardless if you go through with your letter or not, you have everyone's support here. Good luck to you...
Jesse
You have my support too. I know you can do it. If she doesn't believe you for whatever reason or makes life worse for you you'll at least have a good reason to distance your life from her.
I told my mother about my abuse a couple years back while on the phone and all she could say to me was that we ought to keep it a secret between us and never tell the rest of the family nor anyone else. It was her father(my grandfather) that abused me. I never again revealed to her anything else and she never asked me nor wanted to know the details. It's obvious that she lives in fear or doesn't really care about me but either way she now must live not knowing who I am and what has become of me.
Regardless if you go through with your letter or not, you have everyone's support here. Good luck to you...
Jesse