The more insecure one
Brokenhearted
Registrant
Wonder who is more insecure in relationships, the csa survivor or their partner? As a wife of one who has not yet sought help, I feel VERY insecure.
The more insecure one
- Thread starterBrokenhearted
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roadrunner
Registrant
Brokenhearted,
One thing that might help you is to ask whether the comparison is of any special importance. You feel threatened and so does he; for each of you, your sense of peril is immediate and real. Isn't that what really matters? If both of you can accept the need to be strong for yourselves first, while honoring the fact that the other's issues are no less real, wouldn't that be a great step forward?
Just a thought.
Much love,
Larry
One thing that might help you is to ask whether the comparison is of any special importance. You feel threatened and so does he; for each of you, your sense of peril is immediate and real. Isn't that what really matters? If both of you can accept the need to be strong for yourselves first, while honoring the fact that the other's issues are no less real, wouldn't that be a great step forward?
Just a thought.
Much love,
Larry
Brokenhearted
Registrant
Yes, you are right. I just often wonder if the very great pain I feel is felt by him also. From all my reading on here I have to assume it is, perhaps even greater. It is just that I have learned it by reading, not from him. For he is back at work and again on the surface acts like all is fine. He still does small-talk to me and I want so much to just GET REAL w/ him.
sweet-n-sour
Registrant
I know in the initial crisis stage I felt a vulnerability that I had never felt during the twenty years that my husband and I have been together. Just prior, life had a flavor of contentment and I believed everything was fine. Imagine learning that the security I had was just an illusion? All within a few hours the walls fell in around me. I have never suffered such an emotional shock before in my entire life. You see, because of husband's compulsive behavior online he admitted to being confused about his sexuality. Going into this neither of us knew anything about csa. Thanks to Male Survivor and the many books we've read, we are now better informed.
During the initial stage, I learned my husband was just as fragile as I was. The notion of swimming upwards towards the uncertainty of surface above litterally caught us both off guard. We kept asking questions like what if the therapist concludes that we should no longer be together? What if we grow apart? What if...what if...what if?
Just three short months ago, FEAR was as its worst. Although I still feel waves of insecurity, with the passing of each day, the feeling is less and less. His therapist has included me in many of the sessions which has been a surprise to me. Husband has not protested but welcomed me to attend. It seems as if we are a team in his healing and this has helped put my mind at ease. As far as my husband goes; I have seen him ride out several of his own big waves as well.
I suppose insecurity goes along with the territory here. In my opionion, there are no "givens" in life, if we can manage to cherish the better times, learn from the rough patches, maybe in the end we'll be a better people for the experience.
sweet-n-sour
During the initial stage, I learned my husband was just as fragile as I was. The notion of swimming upwards towards the uncertainty of surface above litterally caught us both off guard. We kept asking questions like what if the therapist concludes that we should no longer be together? What if we grow apart? What if...what if...what if?
Just three short months ago, FEAR was as its worst. Although I still feel waves of insecurity, with the passing of each day, the feeling is less and less. His therapist has included me in many of the sessions which has been a surprise to me. Husband has not protested but welcomed me to attend. It seems as if we are a team in his healing and this has helped put my mind at ease. As far as my husband goes; I have seen him ride out several of his own big waves as well.
I suppose insecurity goes along with the territory here. In my opionion, there are no "givens" in life, if we can manage to cherish the better times, learn from the rough patches, maybe in the end we'll be a better people for the experience.
sweet-n-sour
Brokenhearted
Registrant
S-N-S, you know EXACTLY what I am feeling -- the word "CRISIS" is it. SO far all I have is my imagination as far as details of any of his sexual infidelities go. I don't think I need or even want details, but anyway. I guess the crisis period will last until he agrees to talk to a therapist? I just don't know how long I can endure waking up every morning with my heart pounding in my chest and that awful dread feeling. I'm near tears every day and can't concentrate. I just wish something would happen to end the CRISIS stage for me.
Hi again Brokenhearted,
Does your husband know you feel this way?
I imagine it must be extremely difficult for you to be feeling like this especially in the knowledge that he's doing nothing to help himself. I'm certainly not saying it's easy for him to take that step, but what about you. Your feelings in all of this and how hard it is to look after a child under these circumstances?
take care...
peace,
beccy
Does your husband know you feel this way?
I imagine it must be extremely difficult for you to be feeling like this especially in the knowledge that he's doing nothing to help himself. I'm certainly not saying it's easy for him to take that step, but what about you. Your feelings in all of this and how hard it is to look after a child under these circumstances?
take care...
peace,
beccy
sweet n sour,
It really sounds like your husband talks to you.
One thing that's made me so insecure through all of this so far, is how little my bf talks to me/shares his feelings about anything. It's so iscolating...I think my bf probably does feel insecure, but he certainly hasn't taken the risk of letting me know that. I on the other hand share probably almost everything
peace,
Beccy
It really sounds like your husband talks to you.
One thing that's made me so insecure through all of this so far, is how little my bf talks to me/shares his feelings about anything. It's so iscolating...I think my bf probably does feel insecure, but he certainly hasn't taken the risk of letting me know that. I on the other hand share probably almost everything
peace,
Beccy