The more I know them, the less confident I am

The more I know them, the less confident I am

Alonso

Registrant
My social interactions are very dysfunctional, as is the case with so many survivors. However, mine follow a quite surprising pattern that I haven't heard about in anybody else: The more I know somebody, the less confident I feel with them. It doesn't happen 100% of the time, but it happens very often, especially during the first interactions. I believe this is the opposite of what happens with most people. I'd say most people feel more confident the more they know the other person. At first sight this seems to make more sense.

I have a weird combination of a very sociable personality and a very unsociable character. By unsociable character I mean that I always try to avoid meeting people. I need to make a huge effort to attend social gatherings, and I flake more often than I'd like to admit. However, once I am there my very sociable personality takes over: I'm the soul of the party. I talk to everybody, I enjoy the company of almost every person, and I tend to be the one who brings up an interesting conversation when nobody knows what to say. This happens specially when meeting new people. This very sociable personality of mine tends to fade away after a few times meeting the same people. Then my confidence starts to fade to the point that sometimes I don't even feel capable of talking to anybody.

My interpretation is that the more I know a person (man or woman), the bigger the chance that person starts to know me, befriend me, and begin a relationship that will almost certainly scare my inner child to the point that he wants to run away.

Anybody with similar experiences?
 
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I experience this as well. I believe that this is a lack of trust in myself as well as others. I find I get along better with people who have well defined interests and share them with me. Most people don't do this and I find the more emotionally driven and scattered behaviour is the less assured I am. I think when abused within relationships it is hard to figure out how behaviotr thst can lead to harm is different from others.
 
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