The Mask

The Mask
R

reality2k4

Registrant
Masking, numbing, call it a thousand things.
It is a hard but necessary way to be, how else do we get on with life!

You cannot numb the bad from the good, so both are affected, I mask out friendships because I need too much space, so I dont socialise.

Masking at work, or anywhere were I have to be with people, parties, social gatherings even shopping, I have to wear a mask.
Just to pretend nothing is going on.

My doc said that I dont come across as anxious, so I told her never to judge on what she sees.
She totally agreed with me on that point.

In one way it is a safety device, but it sure stops us seeking help, if we cannot fully explain our hurt to others.

It is nothing short of annoying to talk to a psyche doc who has never dealt with this type of subject.

The lesson is, I guess, to never give up, know what You want, and find ways of getting it.
Give me a desert island anytime,

ste
 
Ste,

The bottom line is, as you say, that this doctor was inexperienced and terribly unqualified for this sort of interview. I think any T would know that a survivor will often have decades of experience at covering up how he feels.

Much love,
Larry
 
Ste,

I feel exactly like you. Sometimes I desperately want to leave to some far away place where I'll never see another person again. An ashram is as close as you can get to living on a desert island.

I don't know if you get paranoid around people but I do if they give me too much attention. Otherwise I'm just cool-headed and detached from feeling.

Jesse
 
Jesse,

I know the feeling of not wanting attention on the outside, but pretty much needing it on the inside.

I craved attention as a kid, but got the wrong type of attention, so I just tried as hard as I could to drop the unconscious craving.
No, I could not stop it, it was beyond my control.

Like you though, ppl think I am cool and worth talking to,

ste
 
Ste,

I know the feeling of not wanting attention on the outside, but pretty much needing it on the inside.
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That sounds so much like the feeling I often had of desperately needing affection and validation, like a child would need these things, and at the same time fearing to ask them. It felt so dangerous to admit I was vulnerable and needed help.

Much love,
Larry
 
This social isolation must be a common theme. My sister and I were both sexually abused as children and now have become isolationists (is that a word...mmm). I can socialize when I need to, but prefer aloneness.
Someone gave me a picture onetime that clearly expressed how I feel. The picture was of a winter ocean scene with water crashing on nearby rocks. The caption read: "When you find me here, do not think of me as lonely, only alone." That was powerful to me....
 
Originally posted by reality2k4:

Like you though, ppl think I am cool and worth talking to
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Acutally, I think cool-headed is not quite the same thing as being cool. What I meant by cool-headed, is that people think I'm boring and I'm not easily excited or moved.

Jesse
 
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