The long road

[blacken]

Recover seems to be a road. Sometimes its as smooth as fresh asphalt. Other times its mud.

There are days I feel I can see forever, that though I'm not sure where i'm headed, it seems as if the wind is at my back, and its bright and clear. Some days the fog is so thick, it feels as if its choaking my every breath.

There have been those that have patched the holes that lay before me. Or gave me a hand to step across. And those who pelted me with rocks.

I have had to deal with a burning thurst for peace. The stinging sands of reality. The soaking rain of sadness, the numbing cold of depression.

But the Sun's light of Hope has been there too. Its rays have warmed my heart and rekindled the embers of my soul.

This road I travel, for my "re-covery", is the road of Life. The 2 are the same. I hought I had a foot on each, but its been an illusion, one I created for myself.

More than once, I have looked about and relized I've gone in a circle. Or been lost in a dream and not moved an inch.

I believed, for a long time, that I need(ed) to have a destination. But now, I think, the point is to simply walk this road. Keep moving. Continue to experience all there is along this road. Take in the views. Taking time here and there to Smell the Roses, and the shit.

Whether or not I find a town along the way called "re-covery", is not the point. Perhaphs one day I'll build that town myself.

Maybe that's what I'm really doing. Finding the right time, place and mental foritude I need to build my own new city.

Where the hope, peace, joy & contentment are crops in the fields. Where Hope and Love are the foundations of every home.
And where despear, fear and pain are turned into little broken relics, buried in the cemetary.

I am the road I travel...

 

[ernie]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Indeed, the roads are filled with roses and shit! Sometimes the shit is so high you think you can never get over the top. You think that you are unworthy of smelling the roses because of the guilt and shame.
Perhaps this is what makes us stronger than most, we had shit thrown at us at an early age before we even had a chance to smell the roses. We had to reach out mostly on our own to find out that the roses exist, that we were worthy of the pleasures in life.
I look forward to the day that the good minutes outnumber the bad. Only I can do that, I cannot harbor the guilt, the shame, the lost youth for the rest of my life. I have to seek out the roses. This site is one of those roses, sometimes full of pain, other times full of sweet joy, love, companionship. Treasure the good, let go of the bad as you are able to do.
Thank you for your post
Bob

 

[Wuamei]

Blacken,

Good to hear from you. Thanks for that powerful, poignant prose. You're right, recovery is life: the purpose of recovery is to recover our lives, our selves, to really, truly live.

Taking time here and there to Smell the Roses, and the shit.

Sometimes to smell really good roses, you've gotta
smell some shit (aka manure or composte) too.

To more roses & less shit! For you, Blacken, and for us all.

Victor

 

[Lloydy]

Blacken
I think that this is true.

I believed, for a long time, that I need(ed) to have a destination. But now, I think, the point is to simply walk this road. Keep moving. Continue to experience all there is along this road. Take in the views. Taking time here and there to Smell the Roses, and the shit.

Perhaps the destination keeps moving away as we recover, or do we move right on through our origional destination without noticing and look for a new, improved neighbourhood ?

My favourite songwriter Tom Waits might also have the answer.
"You've got to keep moving After all, no dog's ever pissed on a moving car."

Dave