The Lives and Times of Mr. Toad - Part 2 TRIGGER WARNING!!!

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The Lives and Times of Mr. Toad - Part 2 TRIGGER WARNING!!!

Toad

Registrant
I feel the need to lay it all out.
I have kept his secrets inside, the truth in its discusting detail needs to be let out.
It is not my secret any longer.

The Monster married my Grandma after my Moms dad killed himself on her 8th birthday.
He had a couple of older boys already and now he had 3 more kids to feast on.
He started abusing my moms little brother as soon he married Grandma.
My mom spent her childhood avoiding him as much as possible, and then avoided facing that anything in life is anything less than perfect.
He was an equal oppertunity abuser.
She has hinted that he tried somethings on her, but she had escaped and spent the rest of her childhood avoiding and placating him.
He prefered boys anyway.

A couple decades later my mom is married but not happily.
Her and my Dad were a match of tumultuous childhoods of unexamined damage they carried into their marriage.

When I was 6 months old she left and took me with her, we moved in with Grandma and Grandpa.
She was always welcome there, he loved having Grandkids around.
After 6 months we moved back accross country, back in with my Dad. Then when I was around 18 months we stayed with them again, this time until I was 2 years old . Then when I was 3 the whole family moved in with them until we could find our own place near by.

I don't really know when he started.
But I have dreams and flashbacks of him as he layed me on thier bed and removed my diaper.
But it was not to change me.
But it was to forever change me.

As I was laying there naked he started stroking my penis, eventually he put it in his mouth.
This was too much for my little brain. At least as I remember it, perhaps from when I was older. But as he started sucking I would immediately go into an almost dream like state. Not totally aware of what was going on.

After sucking on me for a while he stuck his fat finger inside me while he continued sucking. It feels like I was about to pee and really needed to poo.
As he was sucking on me I was sucking on my thumb. This was a mistake.
"Since you like sucking on things" he said.
As he sat me up and replaced my little thumb with his giant penis.

I hate the feeling of not being able to breathe.
Gagging, choking, gasping and crying.
But this doesn't stop him.
He continues in my little mouth.
One hand gripped around my head as the other stays between my legs with a finger inside me.
Always planning for the future, he seemed to think you can't start training them too early.

After being trained with his finger it soon became time for me to graduate.
He would lay on his side spooning me, having a pillow underneath me. He would hold me really tight with one arm and with the other arm he would pry my leg apart making me easier to penitrate.

I cannot stand being held from behind.
I panic and blank out.
Even now as a fully grown man, I know I would be easy prey if I am grabbed from behind.
My mind would leave, and my body would be defenceless on its own.
My body that would believe it is 2 again.

I have know idea how old I was when he started, or how many times he raped me.
But he had access to me about anytime he wanted from 6 months old on.

He wasn't the only monster.
The monster had spawn.
His son and his boys would come for visits. The oldest of his boys took a special interest in me.
He was only 11 or so when we first met.
But he had years of experience.
In my Grandma's pictures there are many of them with him in the background carrying me around.
Me looking like prey, being carried off, resigned to being devoured.

The monsters liar was huge. 3 stories and 10 acres.
Hiding places everywhere, waiting to be inhabited.
Great for a kid to play hide n' seek.
Or for them to hide, as they seek time with their prey.
His favorite haunt was the attic, laying me on top of the pool table as he touched and sucked on me.
Or when he tired of this, behind the pool table, to be even more hidden as he raped me.

One time he almost go caught. It must have hurt more than usual, because I started screaming.
My mom found me naked, and crying, he told her my diaper fell off and I tripped and hurt myself. I couldn't really talk.
For years in my childhood my speach wasn't understandable.
Not that I would have told.
Somehow I knew that I was bad.
That it was my fault.
That this was what I was made for.
To serve and service others.
Some kids wanted to be astronauts, others doctors, or firefighters.
I wanted to be a slave, a servant, or maybe even a respectable butler.
There to serve you, there to obey.
They had created the perfect boy for them to use.

We finally moved into our own place. My Dad worked nights and my Mom cleaned rooms in a motel.
While they worked Grandpa was willing to watch me.
Me standing at the door hysterical as they leave. Seperation anxiety they thought.
Delevering a lamb to the slaughter.

It was better than when we lived with them, but he still had access.
Finally my dad got a better job and my mom didn't have to work. And they had even less access.

At this point life was getting a lot better.
We had our own house a horse tank out back. I spent a lot of time skinny dipping in it. There is a picture of me around this time standing naked in the bathtub. I am quite tan from head to toe, and my blond curly hair was even blonder with all of the sun. That was perfect for what they had planned next.
 
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